Poetry

I started thinking in poetry lines this morning during church, as it happens occasionally. The subjects of my poems are often spiritual, so it seems to fit. Usually it's just a few lines or so, but this time I just kept going. My mind was in the right groove, I guess. Anyway, I started working on it tonight again, and I ended up with a page of poetry and I felt like posting it. So, here it is. I think I may end up adding more to it at some point. It seems. . . . unfinished. Too vague.

Chief of Sinners

The chief of sinners! that is me
The chief of sinners, now I see.
My heart is black, so dark with sin
My eyes are blind - can't see within
My ears so dull drown all else out
No more my conscience, seared, does shout
Twas all shoved back out of my way
For self I lived from day to day
Without a care but for my life
No thoughts to spare for others' strife
More terrible still, I see it clear,
No words of God would I dare hear
I shunned the thought and banned all talk
Of Christ and God and righteous walk
And then one day, I heard to me
Something none other could foresee
Only God in His matchless grace
Would think to save me from the race
To death - the road I'd tread before
Now by His love, I tread no more.
When He called, I could but obey
I knew He was the only way
His voice so quiet, strong and firm
My heart did change! Now I do yearn
To find Him - He Who ope'd my eyes
To have Him, love Him - greatest prize.
And now as His beloved child,
I find within Him nothing mild.
His pow'r and glory have no end
And at His side I'll stand a friend.
A friend of God! How can it be?
What glory is this gift to me?
To think that one day I shall see
My God - with Him to ever be.

Christmas

It is the 25th of December, 2008. It's Christmas Day. And yet, not Christmas for my family. We're weird like that. lol ;) Ours isn't for two days yet. Sometimes it comes early for us, but sometimes it comes later. This year was a later year.

I'm on "Christmas Break" but not really, since I'm not going back to school next semester. It's kind of sad. I'm going to miss people. A lot. I already do. But oh well. Plans are all good and nice, but when it comes down to doing them, something usually seems to get in the way. Like laziness. Or, lack of motivation. (Is that another way of saying lazy? /shrug) I want time off. I'm getting it, but I have this feeling I'm going to want more than I should and that's going to be bad, because I have no money and I'm not making any right now. I should get on that. Eventually.

I wished like 40 people Merry Christmas on Facebook after midnight last night. Hehe. It was fun. Got a little long, but it was still fun. It was kind of interesting how with most people, who I don't really know that well, I was all "Merry Christmas!!!" Lots of exclamation points and stuff, which is not how I am with people I trust or know very well. Hehe. And then with people I do, my tone (even in type you can tell) automatically changed. I found it interesting, but I'm probably boring anyone who might read this. Oh well.

Anyway, I shall be off. Merry Christmas. :) And in case I don't get around to posting again anytime soon, Happy New Year. :)

Why I'm not a Music Major

A) They kill themselves with practice time. Aside from all their other homework.
B) Generally speaking, they're not organized (or very logical) and they speak of things in very vague terms.
C) When I have to play in front of people, I start shaking. And it doesn't go away with time - it gets worse. If I were to have a half-hour platform, it would look like I was having a seizure.

So there you have it. Music majors are definitely their own breed - and they know it.

I took my first final this morning. Probably one of my easier ones, but since I had to play in front of my teacher and Mrs. Loggans (another piano teacher), I was nervous. My pedal foot/leg started shaking around the transition between Hymn 1 and Hymn 2 and would not be still. At least my hands were mostly good till I was done - then they started in as well. Hehehe.

I have another one (final) after chapel. I'm not really worried about it. It's Lifetime Fitness. /shrug

After that, we get to go clean for White Glove Check. . . . Yay. . . . :P I will say one thing about having more people in the room - you have less responsibilities. Especially if you take up the least amount of room. =) I'm mostly packed already. Makes me feel like I should be leaving this afternoon, but alas. 96 hours from now, I'll be leaving. . . I think. . . Around there.

It's extremely cold today. You can tell because the sun is shining. . . . lol My car was frozen shut this morning. The lock on my driver's side door is frozen too - couldn't get it open at all. I just had to pull really hard on the passenger side (after unlocking it) and it opened. Same with my trunk. I think I'll run my car for a little while and get it warmed up and then maybe it'll unlock again. Not that I really need it to, I guess. It doesn't seem like it'd be good for it though. . . Maybe it doesn't matter. /shrug What do I know about cars. lol Well, I should probably get over to chapel.

I have a huge Spanish test tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to at all. . . . So if anyone reading this (Aside from Mom, cause I know you're already praying. :)) would feel so inclined to offer up a request on my behalf, I'd appreciate it. I feel like I've been Spanish-ed out already, and it's a 14-page test. . . . Anyway. Off I go. Have a good day. Stay inside if you can.

Oo! I forgot! Something good - It was raining last night and then obviously the temperature fell drastically, and yet there really isn't that much ice, which is kind of amazing. :) I thought I might be slipping all the way up from the dorm. =D

Sunday at Even

I have a test tomorrow. In Spanish, again. I'm afraid of it.

How come parents don't stick with the rules they made for you? They tell you that you have to have your Christmas list in on time if you expect to get anything, and then they tell you that you have to have it in anyway, even if you don't really care, because they don't know what to get you. But when you tell them, what do they do!? They say things like, "I don't want anything. Really, don't worry about it." :P Hehe. (That was not to be read seriously, whatsoever.)

I can't express my happiness right now at not having to come back to school next semester. Don't get me wrong, school is good. I like it here. But I'm so sick of the school part of school right now. . . And the wind of Wisconsin. I love wind, but bitter cold wind that makes it so you can't see where you're going and whips the light, fluffy snow in your face so hard that it stings, that's not fun. I'll go back to Michigan, thank you very much. =) More snow, less cold, less wind. =D And trees!!! Michigan - the prefect mitten. Teehee.

Steph wants me to come for her recital next semester. I'd like to. In fact, I'd like to come back for a lot of things. Wear my jeans all around campus. Haha. ;) I doubt I would do that. I don't like sticking out. But anyway. I want to be here for the Great Lakes Music Festival, and the play, and Steph's recital, and the Baptist Fundamentalism Conference. Unfortunately, I have a bunch of debt and must get a job and work until it's all gone. Which is about six thousand dollars worth. . . . Pray I can get a better job than McDonald's, please? I don't want to go back there. . . Again. Also, it doesn't pay very well.

I can't seem to get it in my head that it's December and Christmas is coming. . . It felt like it when I was home, then I came back to school and it feels like February or something. . . I don't know. Not December though. Probably because I've never been away from home at this time. Just doesn't feel like Christmas. . . /shrug

It's that time again!

Time to make bizarre faces? Time to make fun of the Disney Channel? NO! Time for *drumroll* The Wheel of Morality!!

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn.
And the moral of today's story is! . . . . Moral #1 - People in glass houses should get dressed with the lights out.

But enough of the good ole days when we could sit and watch 3 hours of Animaniacs, thereby learning such valuable truths.

Today is the 2nd of December. Thanksgiving is over and become a distant and clouded memory because of sugar over-dosing. (First jellos, then pie (9 of them), then candy. It's a wonder we didn't all keel over.) Also because of the drowsiness caused by the turkey, and the simple act of being in a warm house with full bellies.

Once our heads cleared a little, we engaged in some games, the best of which was hitting people with a bat. (Speaking of bats, I saw one of the creatures on the ceiling of Old Main the other day. They're so cute!) Violent? Not really. It was padded and most people were afraid to use it.

Thanksgiving is a time of feasting. A time of fellowship, catching up with people you haven't seen for perhaps months. Fun and games! Also, a time to sleep and watch many movies. (Iron Man is awesome. And the new Indiana Jones is pretty cool too. Iron Man was awesome though.) I used to think that over such breaks, it would be cool to get homework done early. To get ahead. What I found, is that if you do get ahead, you end up being bored during school. Whereas, if you stay on track, you enjoy your break more, and you're able to stay busy at school with actual school and not video games or something. (Chip's Challenge, anyone?)

It's that time again. Time to go and be responsible. Time to accomplish something.
Perhaps a nap.

The Ending. . .

"It's the ending, the ending of our story. The ending. The ending!"

Ahem. I have to go back to school tomorrow. . . It's really hard. Even if it is only for two and 1/2 weeks. . . It's rough. It's also really rough trying to do homework while you're at home relaxing. I mean, it's called Break for a reason. Oh well. Things must be done.

Good points about this week: 1) I got to see my family. :) I've missed 'em. 2) Jess came with. Made it more interesting. 3) Got to have Thanksgiving Dinner twice! Hehehe. There was so much pie. . . 4) I figured out that I don't have to get a new bow for my violin! =D And had an awesome time playing it. *content sigh* I love my violin. 5) I get to see my church people tomorrow. :) Yes, I called them "MY church people." Because you know what? They're family too. :) 6) I get to play in church tomorrow. It's been a while, and I miss it sometimes. Not the offertory, but the congregational playing. I miss that. 7) My car is still running. That's kind of amazing. 8) Oh, and it only cost me $14 to fill up. Not that it was on empty. But still. When I went to school at the beginning of the semester, that much gas would've cost me closer to $35. That's a big difference. 9) I've gotten hugs this week. :) Blessed family. 10) I have the most amazing parents.

Well, anyway. I didn't have a lot to say. Just not looking forward to going back, but so happy that I was able to come home. :) Holidays really are necessary things. =)

Happy Thanksgiving.

3rd Try

This is the third time this week that I've tried to write a blog entry. We'll see how it goes.

Church tonight was really good. It was from Micah 6: 1-8. Mostly verse 8 though. It was kind of interesting because I've been thinking about the need for humility a lot lately, and tonight that was one of the main points, and Pastor Loggans was talking about how we can be humble. Not that I'd never heard it before, or didn't know it, but it was different tonight because it really. . . applied directly, right now. It was cool. He also made an interesting correlation between thankfulness and humility as opposed to pride and ingratitude. That one I hadn't really realized before. Which was also cool.

These pringles have too much salty grease on them. . . Yet I still eat them. /shrug Addictive stuff.

It's only two days till Thanksgiving Break. =D How awesome is that! I'm excited. Well, I've been excited for like . . . a month, hehe. But I'm really excited. And it's only like 32 days till Christmas. When I come back from Break, I'll have, I think 20 days left of school. =) That is an awesome thought. I get to go home and stay home. :)

Water is good. It really is. For this health class I took, we had to drink 64 ounces of water every day. (Well, we were supposed to. . . Didn't really HAVE to.) It's crazy how much better you feel when you're drinking a bunch of water. Friday I didn't drink hardly anything. My skin dried out so badly. It was awful. Painful too. lol I still haven't recovered. Haha.

I think that Thanksgiving is going to be a smaller group this year. Hmm. Oh well. We'll persevere. =) Maybe we can play football! :D Futbol americano. Teehee. I have a Spanish test tomorrow that I haven't really studied for yet. I'll have to make my brother play a little no matter what. Bwahahaha! ;)

Arguments

I hate arguments. Debates, discussions - those are fine. Arguments, I'm beginning to despise. Arguments seem to be for the sake of contention, or the result of foolishness or outright sin. I hate them. I hate them yet the more when I'm the cause of them.

I think I made Dr. Morales rather unhappy with me today. I told him that telling us to memorize the whole chapter for the quiz when that's all we have to know for the test in two weeks didn't make much sense. But really, am I wrong? Quizzes are supposed to be parts of the chapter to help you learn each section before the test, aren't they? I don't get it. . . Oh well. I think he tends to get defensive easily because he's been attacked and stepped on before. . . . Hm.

5-page paper due Monday for my Biblical Counseling class. The only part about it that worries me is that we have to have 5 sources. I don't really understand the reason for sources. If what you say is logical and Biblical, what's the point of showing that other people agree with you? Why do people have to have the reassurance that other people agree with my point of view in order to change? Another mystery. I can understand if someone WANTS to put them in because other people have said things better. But to require them? . . . /shrug

My cousin and I have each been taking a Psalm per day and focusing on one statement that we get from it about God throughout the day. Well. . . Actually, I'm not really sure what exactly she's doing with it. . . . But we're keeping each other accountable to read a Psalm every day BEFORE school or work or whatever. Today's statement was, "The LORD is my King." Two days ago it was, "The LORD is my Father." There's an awful lot that goes into those few words. It's kind of incredible.

The past few days have been dreary and rainy. Cold rain makes me feel down. Snow makes me happy. . . Hehe.

Random info: Did you know that a "chemical imbalance" can't actually be proven as a real thing? So all those anti-depressant drugs? Yeah, no one knows how they work. Which makes complete sense as to why some people react completely differently to them than others. Why do some people get more depressed when they're on anti-depressants? 'Cause who knows what the drug is really doing! Also, bi-polar or manic-depressant isn't really a sickness or anything. It's just a description of behavior. I thought that was really interesting. . .

If I say or do something that strikes you as particularly arrogant, slap me. Or . . . the internet equivalent of a slap, I guess. I've been noticing an awful lot of pride in my life lately, so at least don't let me exercise it if you can help me, okay? Thanks!

Giving of Thanks

I owe my brother money again. . . And I owe my cousin money. . . And I owe my roommate. . . And I owe the girl down the hall. . . I'm starting to see a pattern here. And I don't like it. On the other hand, it's very nice of all those people to lend me money till I can pay them back (which shouldn't be too long). I should really probably stop spending money. . . And I should really take that thing back to Wal-mart because that's another $15 or so. . . And I need to fill up my car. . . Hm.

But anyway. Giving of Thanks. We went through the book of Psalms today in OT Survey. I like the Survey classes. You have to read a lot really fast, but otherwise, they're really good. General and broad, but sometimes we get so into the details, we miss the big picture. Or we just forget to teach the big picture to the younger generation completely. Anyway. I like the Psalm of Moses. Somewhat because it was written by Moses and I like the little caption above it. "A Psalm of Moses, the man of God." It makes me happy. I hope that it can/will be said/written of me when I'm dead for 3500 years that I was a woman of God.

I'm not a very thankful person. Most of the time, I don't see a need for the nice things people do for me. It's sort of a "Well, thanks, but you really didn't have to" type thing. . . I just don't really care if they're nice or not. Most of the time. But it's not supposed to be about what I think. It's about what they did, and that they thought about me and were nice enough to go beyond normal bounds. And so they should be thanked and appreciated.

I got more work today! =D YES! Have I mentioned I love my little job? It's awesome. Getting to read and type class notes for Bible classes is the best thing ever. Haha. Yeah, it's awesome. I love it. I'm going to miss it. . . The rest of school? /shrug

Oo! I just found my pencil! :D (I've had it for like eight years and I couldn't find it. Not a big deal, but I like the pencil.) It's a good day. Rainy and dreary outside, but a good day. 13 days. =)

Spiritual Things

A little while ago, God began to show me some things in my life that weren't anywhere close to where they should be, and how I'd lost my focus. In essence, I was like the church at Ephesus - I'd left my first love and even though I was still doing everything I'd been doing before, there was no joy in it. There was no thrill to being in church, to playing the piano for the service, or being in the Word. The joy of the Lord - and thus, my strength in life - had been taken away.

Last summer, I felt weary all the time. There were good days still, but mostly, I felt exhausted. I thought it was because I didn't sleep as much as I had been. No doubt that was part of it, but now I think it was mostly because I was so focused on me. It took me half the semester, getting more and more depressed with life when finally a friend of mine said something to me. It was completely unrelated to my problem, but my response to it was awful. And I knew it was awful. That just shows how the Holy Spirit can use anything to show a person their shortcomings. (It's really cool in hindsight. At the time I kinda felt like I'd been slapped in the face. And that I totally deserved it.)

Today was amazing. For a few reasons. First, the preaching was awesome. Or maybe it was the same as always and God was just working in my heart more. Second, my cousin and I got to spend the afternoon together and pray and discuss our spiritual needs and short-comings and things we can do (in the strength God is pleased to give us) to fix them. It was great. :) And then tonight, in the choir we sang this song from Romans 8. . . For a long time (years; maybe many years; it's one of those things I don't ever remember really not being there), I've struggled with being able to trust myself. I mean, we all know the verse Jeremiah 17:9. Our hearts are deceitful. So how can I ever know that what I'm doing is right? I mean, since God's will isn't laid out for us in step-by-step, specific, daily instruction, how do I know what's best in the decisions I have to make every day? Romans 8 - the last part of the chapter - it says that nothing can separate us from the love of God which we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. Every sermon or reference that I've ever heard to those verses has never mentioned that includes us. I can't separate me from the love of God any more than being on a mountain can. God will protect me from my wicked heart just as much as He'll protect me from anything else.

Realizing that was . . . a big relief. =) God is good to us. :) It's amazing to me in moments like this that we can complain about things like the weather. Or the food in the dining hall. Or. . . the walk up the three flights of stairs in Old Main. I mean, seriously. . . Sometimes, we're worse than the Israelites. But God has yet to send a bunch of snakes to kill us. "For His mercy endureth forever."

We lost

Politics: Alas. I really feel bad for our country. I mean, McCain would not have been awesome. Not even close, but Obama is just so far out there. . . At least, I'm not an unsaved Republican die-hard. If I were, it'd be oh, so much worse.

Weather: It's in the 70s here in Wisconsin. Monday was actually balmy. I was kinda grossed out, but anyway. My parents are in Florida and it's in the 40s. I had this feeling of dread that that's exactly what was going to happen. Dread, because they really wanted to have an awesome time, and seeing as they went to Florida, they were kinda hoping it'd be nice. Also, Dread because I knew that it was going to be in the 70s again this year, here in the Midwest, and I just don't like that. I mean, in June-August, I'd be happy with 70s and no higher. In November? . . . . We should have snow. At least a few inches of it. Enough to cover the grass.

Family: I get to go home for Thanksgiving in 20 days. =D How cool is that!?!? :D Pretty cool. Some people don't get to. I feel very bad for them. . . I'm so excited about it. :) 20 days! That's so close. It's like, right around the corner.

Religion: It was society chapel today, so we didn't really hear any preaching. I miss hearing lots of Dr. Phelps' messages. Last semester, it was like three times a week, he'd preach to us. It was awesome. Oh well.

There's this guy in my Spanish class who got rather unhappy with one of the faculty because he was talking about how we all need to be Baptists. The guy, Tim, was really bothered by it because he doesn't call himself a Baptist. I haven't actually talked to him about it, but I'm kind of hoping to be able to bring it up, because I'm almost positive that he is. He just doesn't call himself one. Which is so stupid. . . . . He seems relatively reasonable, but we'll see. Maybe. . . If it comes up.

Well, I'm off. To . . . do something. I don't know. Maybe take a nap. . . I'm still sick. This cough is really annoying. I could not sleep last night because every time I breathed, I started coughing. Heh heh. *hack, cough*

Election Day

Not to be a downer, but I think the Hussein-Biden ticket is going to win.

I voted today. It was cool. I didn't really think it'd be anything special, maybe just kind of nerve-wracking 'cause I didn't really know what I was doing, but it was actually rather thrilling. Afterward, I was walking out, and I was thinking, "Ya know. . . I just voted for a presidential candidate. I just voted for some good pro-life US Representatives. How cool is that!!" It was easy too. Except there were two referendums on there and I had no idea what they were about. I didn't vote on them. That kinda made me feel bad. But no one ever talked about them! There was no literature handed out about 'em. None of the professors mentioned them. I didn't even know they were going to be on there. I suppose it's my fault. Yeah, okay, it's completely my fault. /sigh

I only had one class today because the other one got canceled. It was awesome. Wonderful day. I slept. lol I probably shouldn't have though because I felt kinda yucky when I woke up. Oh well. Now I can stay up late studying for my test en espanol. Bleh. Hehe.

I finished my job today. Took me about five hours to decipher and type up 18 pages of hand-written notes. The cool part is five hours is pretty much exactly what I'd estimated it would take after I saw the papers. I like it when that happens. :)

I'm still sick. You'd think with all the sleep I've been getting and all the oranges I've been eating, that I'd be better by now. . . . Well, as long as I'm better by Saturday, I'll be happy. At least better enough that I can sing. I should probably explain why. . . . . (Tempting not to, but probably no one would care if I didn't. . . . . Whatever. lol)

So Saturday a group of us Spanish-speaking students are going to this church in Brookside for their anniversary (3rd year of their Spanish outreach ministry). We're going to go and sing and I might be playing the piano and I don't really know what else is going on. I think someone is preaching. . . I hope it's not all in Spanish, because I really don't understand much, but it should be cool. The only uncool part about it, is that Dr. Morales isn't going. It's his son's birthday. . . . :( Oh well. Happy birthday, Drew.

My mom needs to write me an email. Or maybe I need to write her. . . . She's in Florida, and I'm starting to feel the effects of being deprived of my daily dose of home news.

No School!!!

So because our President is awesome, he declared tomorrow a holiday and we don't have any classes! :D :D :D I LOVE Dr. Phelps!!! =D Not just because he gives us days off. Also, because he seems like a really good and trustworthy man, and I like his preaching. Makes me feel like I'm at home or listening to my Uncle Pete or something. :)

We rearranged our room yesterday for "devotions." It's more like room-bonding time. Really. If it even happens at all, it's pretty much all of us just doing something together. Last week, we made signs for our door. (Personal info signs.)

I'm going to try to get ahead in my homework tomorrow. I don't think it's going to be easy though. I think I'm going to want to take the day off. But if I work tomorrow, then maybe I can take like . . . half of Saturday off or something. :) And sleeping in will be good no matter what happens.

We have a very strict "bed-time" tonight. Hehe. We're all supposed to be in bed with all the lights off by eleven. Usually, we just have to have the big light off and be off the internet. By midnight, we're supposed to have the lights off and be trying to sleep. So it's a little different tonight. It makes me wonder if the guys are doing it at all or not. . . . I mean, really. The guys are the ones who stay up till 2am playing video games. It's extremely rare that a girl would do that. At home, I might. At school? Nope. Even if I could, I wouldn't. lol

I miss playing cards with my siblings.

Locking your roommates out of the room three times in one night is kind of fun. They don't like it so much, but. . . yeah, it's funny. :) I bring my keys with me everywhere. Hehe.

I strained my hand last night playing lots of octaves on clarinova pianos for an hour. It hurts today. So I didn't play at all today. I probably should have. Oh well!

I'm going to enjoy my day off tomorrow. =D You all should get a day off. Do you for Halloween?

Snow!!! :D

It's about time it snowed. I mean, it's already late October. Don't worry though; most likely it'll get pretty warm again in November. /sigh I like winter. I like the cold. And I like snow. Mostly, I like wind. Wisconsin's wind doesn't disappoint. =)

I found out today that I was five more days than I thought till I get to go home. . . . It made me sad. I miss home. I miss our yard. And I miss jumping on the trampoline in the fall. I miss Mike randomly deciding that we should go throw the football around for a while. I miss Katie coming and singing with me at the piano. I miss my piano, out of tune as it is.

Midterm grades came in today. I have four As, an A-, and one B. Not bad, but I'm not taking very many credits. I kind of wish I had more and then sometimes I'm happy with how it is. I don't know what to do next though. I mean, I have a plan. . . . I'm just not crazy wild about it. Oh well. Guess you just learn to deal with some things.

I came into this semester and looked at my four roommates and was worried about only one. Funny thing, she's now like my favorite. Hehe. It's weird. Last semester I kind of thought she was stuck up and not friendly and kind of crabby all the time. She's not. She's just rough around the edges a bit, which I actually find refreshing after spending time with my other roommates. lol Jess is a total goody-two-shoes and very opinionated about it. VERY opinionated. I thought I was bad. Not even close. And Brie just acts really blonde. I tend to have little patience with people like that. Which is not to say I don't get along with them. I do. We hang out quite a bit. It's just refreshing to have Ally around now and then.

Who is the fourth roommate you ask? Hannah. She's cool. She's probably the most balanced of us all. She's smart and down to earth and yet she can have the most hilarious blonde moments. She's just incredibly busy and so I hardly see her. Which is much like it was last semester too. Hehe.

I have all my homework done early today. And I'm ahead again in my OT reading. Yay! :) That was a total accident. Hehe. I thought all of Job was due today but it was only the first half. So now I'm like 30 chapters into Psalms. Whoohoo. :) I'm going to try to get way ahead in that over Thanksgiving too. Not sure how well that will work, because I don't generally do well with school on vacations, but I can try. I should probably do more homework tonight and I probably will just because going to sleep before 11pm is pretty much impossible for me in a room with four other people. . . /shrug

I've been saying "like" more. . . . . It bothers me. Pretty much all my roommates say it twice a sentence. Or more sometimes. It bothered me more at the beginning of the semester, but I guess I got used to it. Thankfully, I haven't started typing with an excessive amount of "like"s yet. Hehe. If I do, someone hunt me down and slap me.

Twice.

Guess which day it is.

That's right. It's Saturday. This one wasn't as bad as some. Not great. But not bad. People were actually around a little to talk to. That's always cool.

I wonder sometimes if I'm too independent of people. . . But how can you not be when you know that no matter what people do you're going to be fine? I mean, really. . . . There's nothing that someone can do that will forever hurt me. There is no hurt or sorrow or pain that can continually overwhelm me. Because eventually, even if it hurts for the rest of my life here, I'll die. And then I'm fine. Better than fine, actually. But you get the idea.

So am I too independent? Is it bad to not need anyone for anything? Is it bad to make sure I don't have to depend on someone? It's safer. But it's a lot more lonely. If only people were trust-worthy. If only people didn't disappoint. But they do. /shrug

There was a formal-ish event at school on Thursday. It was in celebration of the 40th anniversary of Maranatha. It was pretty cool and all about the founder and how God worked in his life to allow him to get MBBC started. It was very interesting and the music was good. And Mr. Vegter was amazing. I went alone. My roommate says not to say that because we sat together. . . But we didn't go together. It's just not the same thing.

Well, it was a not so eventful week. In closing, if your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

Motivation = Necessity

I haven't been very motivated at all this semester, kind of just coasting along, not really worrying about it. It just about did me in last night/today. I kept putting off all my homework because I didn't really think it was that much. I mean, I've had homework all semester and what needs to get done, gets done on time. Mostly. I had a couple of memory glitches about what reading was due. But anyway.

So last night I realized that today I had a test, a quiz, 10+ chapters of II Chronicles left to read, and an enormous amount of Spanish homework. I had remembered most of it and planned accordingly - wasn't going to be a problem. Then I remembered the rest of it. . . And started freaking out just a little. Eventually, I got almost all of it done. I did pretty well on my test, aced my quiz, finished my reading, and had all my homework done. I didn't do well on the quiz in Spanish, but up until today he said he wasn't recording them, so I really wasn't worried about it. . . Now I'm slightly worried. I'm not going to be able to take the weekends off so much any more. Which really isn't a problem, except that I'm lazy and like to not do homework on the weekends. lol Should probably get over that, eh? Yeah, I think so.

Dr. Morales seemed like he needed a hug today. Really. The man kills himself with all the stuff he tries to do. And yet, it makes him so very admirable. . .

Oh! Exciting news. I thought I would be getting about a B- maybe C+ in Spanish. *drum roll* A- That's right, I have an A. =D I was sooooooooooo thrilled. It could be better, and it's going to be hard to keep it where it is, but I have an A! =D (And the peasants rejoiced.)

28 days till I'm home. =)

Wait, what?

Spanish was nasty today. I think he was actually mad at us. Not that I blame him. He just got so stressed and then it was like he broke. . . And started laughing. For a minute I wondered if he was going to go Chuck Norris on us with his black-belt karate skills. lol Not really. Although it would have been really . . . interesting if he did. He threw his shoe because of me today. That's a first. Usually it's because of other people. It kind of made me sad. But not really. It's probably over-due that he do that. lol

So I checked my grades today in Hymnplaying and found that I was getting a C. . . . I think I almost started crying right there in the library. (Not that that's a new experience. But it doesn't usually happen because of grades.) I'm glad I didn't because then I was practicing in the piano lab and my teacher came in and she asked me how it was going and we started talking and she said that that couldn't be right and there was some other explanation for it. So then I was relieved and very happy. I don't get Cs. Bs sometimes. But not Cs. . . . And it's not like I'm not trying in that class either - I am. Anyway. I'm not. Or not supposed to be anyway. So I'm happy. =D (See?)

You know what else makes me happy? Heroes. =D It's SO AWESOME!!! =D But they'd better bring back scar-face Peter. 'Cause he's better. Mr. Bennett is really cool too. =)

Next week I'll have to catch up on Chuck. ;) Hehe. Steph will probably kill me for using her computer all Sunday afternoon. . . . Hehehe. Oh well.

We have this formal type thing (Fall Festival/40th Anniversary of the school) on Thursday and Friday. I don't have a date. lol Shocking, no? Hahahaha. Whatever. God is good. I'm thinking about asking some guy to go with me. . . Thinking about it. Probably won't. But maybe. If there's an opportune moment.

I'm hungry. . . I should go drink a bunch of water. Bleh. lol I'm in a surprisingly good mood. . . It's nice. :) I think it's because of the news about my grade. =) So relieved!

Saturday again. . . Yay?

Poo.

Saturdays are pretty boring/ugh. Either I do homework, or I do nothing. . . The homework makes the rest of the week a little easier, but usually it doesn't seem to do enough to put up with it. I did some. I always do SOME. But not very much. . . I hate Saturdays. I have for quite a while. Like since high school. They're just. . . They need a schedule. There should be something cool/fun/interesting that happens on Saturdays. There isn't. They're just boring.

II Chronicles is a lot more interesting in the first few chapters than I Chronicles was. Although both of 'em are a lot of what I read in I and II Kings. . . Oh well. You gotta do whatcha gotta do. (I like how the Firefox/Mozilla spellchecker highlights "whatcha" but not "gotta" as spelled incorrectly. Hehehe. That's so. . . wrong. Haha.)

There's this guy that I'm arguing with about Limited Atonement. He seems to think that since because Christ came so that everyone could get saved, that they've all been declared innocent/justified by God. . . . It was rather surprising to me what his stance on the subject was, 'cause I never thought he was that far out there. I mean, I knew about some stuff we disagreed, but they were the less foundational doctrines. Not whether or not God sends people to Hell. . . . Kinda thought we were on the same page with that one. Oh, well.

People don't call me. Well. . . That's not true. Mike calls me. :) On occasion. When he has good news. =) Dave writes me emails saying I owe him money. (Like the contrast between brothers there? Hehehe.) Speaking of which, I need to write him back. . . Hmm. Anyway. People don't generally call me. I call some people. There are other people I would call if I had their number. . . . Or if they had phones. Hehehe. But the people I call don't usually call me. Makes me think that they don't want to talk to me so I shouldn't call them. . . Ever. Sometimes I do anyway. Haha. =D

I should probably call Robin at some point. It's been a while since we've had a good conversation. I miss her. We always had good conversations. Often very . . . . spiritually uplifting conversations too. She's a good friend. She keeps in touch with me - I don't always have to initiate it. It's nice. :)

It's Sweetest Day. . . Apparently this is a Mid-western US thing. . . . I didn't know that till today. I thought it was everywhere. Well. . . At least in the US.

New week.

Monday. Lunes. Did you know that the Spanish week starts on Monday? It does. Do you know how to put accent marks over letters? I do. =) Bwahahaha! ;) (It doesn't work in the blog though. :( How sad.)

I had a test on Friday (OT Survey) and I found out that I only got one wrong and I got the bonus right, so I got a 76/75. (Bonus was worth 2.) Most people go "Yay! That's awesome!" My first tendency is to be disappointed that I missed the one. I really wanted to get a perfect score. It doesn't happen with tests very often in college. In fact, it didn't happen for me with many things after like. . . . third grade. Oh well. I'm happy with my grade. I just would've been happier with a 77/75.

I took a Spanish test today. I'll be happy with another 90%, which is what I got on the first test. I'm nervous though. I was last time too. I really don't know what kind of stuff I may have gotten mixed up or just plain wrong. If I missed a dozen accent marks, I'm doooooooooooomed. ;) No, for all his tough talk, Dr. Morales wants us to succeed so badly that he's relatively nice when he grades. Fair, but nice. He takes into account how hard we're working for it, which is awesome. Really awesome. We love him. He doesn't think we do. But we do. :)

I'm tired. It's only Monday. That's not a good sign. Hehehehehehe.

Oh! My wonderful mother sent me a box and in it was a candy bag for Halloween and in the candy bag were these giant tootsie rolls!!! =D Also, in the box was home-made bread, which is AMAZING!!! =D Getting boxes from home is the best. It makes going to college less sad.

Today is Friday

I didn't do so well this week blogging. Sorry. It wasn't such a good week till yesterday. And there still hasn't been a lot to blog about.

My brother got engaged. :) It makes me happy. I get to be the Maid of Honor. =)

This morning I was going to wear one of my necklaces and I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked and didn't know where it could have been because I wasn't seeing it anywhere. So I went through the whole day praying that I'd find it. Then I looked again and it was right where it was supposed to be; it'd just been hidden by other things. It made me feel happy and stupid at the same time. lol

I don't know what to do with my life. Or rather, I don't know what God wants me to do with my life. It's hard when you think you're supposed to be something, but you have no control whatsoever on actually becoming it. . . /shrug

God is good to us; He gives us friends and family. And then He uses random things they say that really don't apply at face-value, but you just KNOW that it was completely of God. And your friend has no clue whatsoever that what they just said was used of God to smite you and reveal problems in your life. Unless you're like me and you tell them . . . And then they get completely confused. Hehehe. Life is good.

I need to brush my teeth. They feel dirty and it's bothering me. . . .

I wish I had a guy friend to do stuff with. lol Even if he didn't like me, like me. Guys are just more fun. . . . Actually, I really wish my brother were out here. . . . I would have so much more fun. =) Probably get less homework done. . . . But oh well. =D

I want Animal Crackers. . . Hehe.

End of the Week

Yay! :) It's Friday. Yay again! =D

So Wednesday was not a good day. I don't like Wednesdays. Thursday I slept a lot. It was good for me - I needed it. Today has been rather good. :) Which is very nice.

I had a sort of spiritual eye-opener while I was showering today. Then I started to wonder what people did back when they didn't have showers. When, or rather where, did they have great discoveries? I've figured out a lot of things while washing my hair. Haha.

We watched the Vice-Presidential Debate last night here at school. There was a big Republican gathering and we all watched it and cheered for Palin. Hehe. She did well, I thought. I really like her now.

Tomorrow we're having another Dorm Society event. It costs money. . . Oh well. Hopefully, it'll be fun and there will be lots more guys there. Ha.

Well, I need to get ready for dinner. It's about that time. :)

Peeves

Everyone has certain things that tick them off. That just . . . BUG them. Hypocrisy bugs me. It doesn't matter if they're saved or unsaved, little kids, adults or elderly - hypocrisy bugs me.

One of the biggest evidences of hypocrisy I've noticed is "Christian swear words." Heck, dang, etc. Do you know what Heck means? Years ago, I looked it up in the dictionary because I wondered if it was one of those words (like darn) that got twisted to mean something that it wasn't intended to mean. Nope. Heck means Hell. That's all it means - that's all it's ever meant. Why - seriously! - why is it then considered less offensive? It means the same thing.

Study languages and you realize that one series of sounds (a word) means the same thing as another. It doesn't matter which word you use, so long as the person you're talking to understands. Therefore, I can say to my Spanish teacher, "?Que?" or "What?" They mean the same thing. There's no difference in the word; just in the noises used to produce the word. Danke, gracias, thanks, merci. All the same word.

Dang? Means damn. Why does it matter that it's not the same word if it has the same meaning? Connotation?? The definition is the same! That's why no one cares when people commenting on dog shows use the word "bitch." It's a female dog! That's what it means. Definition is more important than the connotation. Connotations don't change meaning.

Also, what's the point of those words? To express indignation? Most the time, when people are rightfully indignant about things, they don't even consider using those words to express it. . . Because the only thing to be rightfully upset about is sin. People don't ever say in righteous anger, "Dang it!" . . . Doesn't happen. I've paid attention to this specifically for a few years now. Those words get used when something doesn't go quite our way. Or when we forget or do something stupid. Little things that we shouldn't be getting upset about.

Anyway. Today wasn't so great, so I decided to let it out in a lecture. . . I've been considering this teaching thing more and more, and it might actually be okay. . . . I have no idea what subject I could possibly teach though. . . I'll teach my kids everything, if the Lord wills. =)

The End Of All Things

Or just of September.

I miss my RotK soundtrack. . . :(

I got my hair to curl again today. :) It doth make me happy. I looked good today. Or at least I felt like I did. Hah. I had my red leather coat on with my black hair and a black sweater and I wore boots today because it was cooler, so I was taller. :) It was a good day.

Homework should do itself. Oh well.

I think this is the most posts I've ever made in one month. Thirteen. Some people (like Dwarves in The Hobbit) think that thirteen is an unlucky number. I think it's just misunderstood. Actually, I like it because it's prime. =) Seventeen and Nineteen are better though. Eleven is just yucky.

My fingernails have been growing incredibly fast. And they're pretty strong too. It's weird. Must be all the water I have to drink or something. It seemed like a ton when I started, but now it's pretty easy. I think I drink more than I need to, actually. /shrug I don't really pay that much attention to it. I figure it equals out. I do that with a lot of things. It works though.

I need to finish Joshua and get started on Judges. Probably start Judges tomorrow. I lost my lead. It makes me sad. I was so lazy last week. . . . Must do better. Actually, I've been pretty lazy thus far this semester. I mean. . . I've worked hard. Just. . . Not nearly as much as I could. Though last week, I was really tired. I think my body was fighting off sickness, so it was a good thing I slept more than normal. I don't want to get sick. It's never good. . . Colds hang on forever with me.

Anyway. I shall depart now, and probably not post again this month. Especially since tomorrow is the last day. That is so incredibly exciting! =D Two days and it's October! :) That makes me happy. It's less than 60 days till I come home. :) How exciting! =D

Speaking of which, I think there's going to be three of us in the car on the way home. . . That'll be interesting. I've never driven that way with other people in the car. . . Huh. Oh well. Hopefully, it'll be okay. Maybe I'll drive safer because there's more of us there. That's generally what happens. Not that I'm unsafe. It's just different. We might drive at night, and get in around 1am. =D We'll see. Maybe. Hehe!

Well, I'm off. Happy last day of September (tomorrow). :)

Dorms

Have you ever lived in one? They're interesting places. You move into a room with a bunch of people (Yes. Four others = a bunch.) that you don't know, into a bunk that isn't yours (Would you really want it to be though? Honestly?) and under the supervision of a people you don't trust. If you're lucky, you know someone in your dorm. If you're really lucky, you know someone on your floor. First semester, you won't know anyone in your room unless you went to Highschool with them.

Then there's the whole shower situation. Thirty-some girls on a floor. Four showers. Most every one has class either first or second hour. Thankfully, some people take a very long time getting ready in the morning. Those are the ones that get up after the late first-hour people just got out. The late second-hour people? They're usually late to class, 'cause it seems like there are more of 'em. Thankfully, I can hustle in the morning. Like Sunday. I stood in line for the shower for probably fifteen-twenty minutes. I'm so happy I'm not a girly-girl who needs an hour to get ready. I can be ready in twenty minutes if I have to. I might forget something, like mascara, but I'm presentable.

Now onto a different topic: Dorm Society.
Basically, the college took the ministry opportunities and assigned them to specific dorms. Good idea, in my opinion. Helps people get to know people in their own dorm better, helps get more people out for the ministry opportunities; it's good. Even better, because it's not one dorm per ministry. It's two - a girl's dorm and a guy's dorm. =D

I'm in Gould. I like it in Gould. Yes, in the winter it can be a pain because it's tied for the farthest away from campus. But all in all, I'd rather stay here than go to a different dorm, even the new one that has practice rooms and it's own piano. And computers. I like Gould. But I've gotten side-tracked. Our brother dorm is Spurgeon (WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! GO SPURGEON!). I love Spurgeon. :) First, they have the best name for the guys' dorms. (Gould is the best name for the girl's dorms, by the way.) Second, it has a lot of cool guys in it. And third, it's our brother dorm which automatically makes it best. :) Go team spirit. Haha.

We had our Dorm Society kick-off tonight. Hotdogs and munchies over in front of the guy's dorm. We threw around some footballs and played. . . egg-toss? You throw an egg to your partner and try not to get splatted. I lost. Some guy seriously pointed at me and shouted, "YOU LOSE!!!!" I thought it was hilarious. Woot for competition? Haha. Then the good part happened. =D This guy brought out these two items that looked like cricket bats except with padding on them. Sword fight anyone? He and one of his buddies had a duel, and then he was just kind of standing around. So I asked if I could borrow them and challenged Krystle. It was so much fun. =D I wanted to fight a guy, because then I could have gone more all-out-ish. I'd have lost, but that's okay. It would have been fun anyhow. Actually, it was awesome even only fighting girls. It was awesome just to be carrying these sword-like instruments. It made me miss Mike though. . . A lot. I miss hitting your shoulder. . . Haha. ;)

So this is a really long post. But it was a good night, and I didn't get nearly as much homework done that I wanted to. Got to work on that a little more. Toodles!

Missing you

I miss home.

I need to buy some hairspray. I actually got my hair to curl and stay curled. It's a major accomplishment, let me tell ya.

I feel . . . . down, right now. It's sad because I felt quite happy earlier. I don't know what happened to all the happiness.

I'm debating whether or not I should go to the gym. I hurt my foot earlier this week and it still hurts when I walk, so I'm not sure if walking/running is a good idea. On the other hand, I don't want to just use that as an excuse to get out of going to the gym if it's not going to hurt my foot. If only I had all the answers.

I have a Spanish test on Monday. I'm worried about it. We have these quizzes every day, and today a bunch of us missed minor details that gave us all Fs. . . . . We didn't have to hand them in though, thankfully. And I got in trouble for improper formatting of my homework. . . Oddly enough, it was after all this, during my lunch hour that I was incredibly happy. /shrug

I hate it when I can't figure myself out. I mean, I understand not being able to figure out everyone else. But me? Seems like I should get it.

I feel mentally exhausted right now. . . Makes me sad 'cause I still have a lot to get done. I think I really need to go to the gym. Haha. But my hair is curled right now and if I go now then I'll have to take a shower and it'll get wet and go straight again. . .

Wouldn't you hate being stuck in my head? It's like. . . listening to a schizophrenic.

Quickly

Well, I'll try to be quick about it. Sometimes I start blogging and it just won't end though. Moving on.

Today has been okay. Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes I have more interaction with guys. lol Which is nice. It's better than last year's debacle. Hah.

OT quiz went well. Got a 20/20. Bib. Counseling quiz went alright 9 out of possibly 12, but only supposed to be 10, so. . . Not great, not terrible. Funny part? I didn't do the reading last night because the summary isn't due till tonight. So . . . Yeah, it didn't click. Plus, I spent a lot of time on other things last night.

Should I get a job? I don't know. I don't want to work banking hours. I don't particularly want to work at fast food either. Does it really matter though what I want? Honestly? I don't have money. Shouldn't that mean that I go get a job? I don't want to kill myself like I see other people doing though. On the other hand, I don't want to do less than I could because I'm afraid of killing myself. . . Balance is such a hard thing to find.

It was cool to read Uncle Matt's new post about his book. Very interesting.

I don't think I'm going to go to the gym today. I think there are three types of pain. Good pain (like muscle soreness), bad pain (when SOMEthing is definitely wrong), and bad pain with an explanation (such as, you pulled a muscle; you know why it hurts so you don't worry about it, but it's still not good). I've been having bad pain. Don't know why, but it's not good, and yesterday it got worse while I was walking. So. . . Gonna give it a rest today. I'm going to try to get all my 10,000 steps in. Just no aerobic moving for 30 minutes.

I feel really tired right now. . . I need to practice the piano. I think I will do that this afternoon.

Only missing one book now. At least I'm not getting cumulatively behind in it.

Mike needs to work faster on Episode 14. Hah. 'Cause I don't have enough other things to read.

Till next time.

Weekends . . . are boring.

Yeah. It's kind of sad. You'd think there would be something cool going on, something to do. Nope. . . Not at all. There's nothing. . . It's sad.

I watched the newest Burn Notice episode. Hurray for Hulu. Michael Weston is amazing. Cute, too.

My roommates were all gone pretty much all day. Makes for a very quiet room when I'm the only one here. Generally, I wouldn't mind that, but like six hours of it? Yeah, that's a bit much. I wanted to be able to go downstairs and see what Mom was making for dinner. . . Unfortunately, I was in a dorm, not at home. . . Too bad for me, eh?

Steph and I hung out a bit tonight. That was nice. She was in a rotten mood though. Haha. I found it rather entertaining because she's usually pretty sweet and easy-going. It was funny. We watched some old Chuck reruns (on Hulu!! :))

So I've been reading Numbers waiting to read the story of Balaam and I made it there, and I found something I didn't remember before. Numbers 24: 17 - "...there shall come a Star out of Jacob, and a Sceptre shall rise out of Israel, and shall smite the corners of Moab, and destroy all the children of Sheth." Never remember hearing that verse ever referenced from someone behind a pulpit. We all know the verses about the Rod of Jesse and the Root of David, but does anyone remember the Star out of Jacob or the Sceptre rising out of Israel? I didn't anyway.

Also, there's this verse in Exodus. . . Yeah, 24:10-11. Everyone knows that Moses went up into the mountain and God spoke with him. But here, the seventy elders all saw God too. They saw Him. I never knew that before. Maybe I did and I forgot, but I still found it rather amazing and awesome.

So I probably didn't get as much done today as I should have. I know I didn't get as much done as I could have. I so didn't feel like doing anything. . . Er, well, I didn't feel like doing any more reading. I would have jumped and giggled with joy had someone invited me to DO something. . . I ran back to my dorm while it was pouring out, and I did it barefoot. That was fun. I ate Steph's food and drank her water. That's not so fun. I always feel bad.

It's time to sleep. 'Night all.

Life in General

Is. /nod

There's this "Tubby the Tuba" thing tonight at 10pm and my roommates want me to go. I don't wanna go. . . I'll probably end up going. Maybe I'll leave the dorm (sneakily) around 8:30-9pm and then just not come back till they're gone. . . Bwahahaha! I have a plan. Jessica will probably pick up on it when I try to leave. . . . That's the problem with people who think like you - you can't get away with things because they know what you're up to. On the other hand, you don't have to explain things either. They just get it. =)

Have you ever noticed how fun it is to plan devious things? Whether or not you actually do them, it's just fun to figure out how you could do it. . . Like if you worked at a bank. Or McDonald's. You figure out how and when to sneak a few 20s, not because you want the money, just because it's like a puzzle. Maybe you're bored standing in back DT all day. . . Need something to do? Figure out how best to rob the store. ;)

So this guy Sam is funny. Seems like he has a lot of personal integrity too. I like him. Not like, like him like him. Just. . . He seems cool. I like people with personal integrity. But who doesn't? They seem. . . old-fashioned, gentlemanly and in some cases, it seems like they should have a "sir" before their name. "Sir Samuel the Valiant, Knight of the Order of the Cresent Moon." (I want to write another story or finish the ones I have started. I just have no ideas. Bleh.)

Spanish wasn't as good today. I think he was getting frustrated with us. . . :( Either that or he's losing his novelty. . . . Nah. He's still cool. He threw his shoe again today. =) It was funny. Both times it's been because of Ben. Ben learned some Spanish, but he learned some of it wrong, so in some ways I think he's worse off. And then Chrissy. . . . Oy vey. Chrissy is just a ditz. Or something. He'll tell her to do something and she'll just sit there clueless and giggle at him. I think I used to do that to Mom . . . . Sorry Mom.

My books didn't come today. . . . On the other hand, we had giant pretzels this week. =)

I need to go walk on the treadmill. My legs hurt from yesterday though. lol Oh well. It's good for me and I ate too much for lunch today, so. . . I need to. Plus, I can use the time to read more of Numbers. I'm at the exciting part where the earth eats the people. Actually, the last few chapters have pretty much been God's judgment. Sending a plague on the people, sending fire on the people, giving Miriam leprosy, having the Earth eat people, etc. I like to read about God's interaction with Moses though. Moses asks God A LOT to stay His judgment, to not destroy the people. And generally, God doesn't. Or at least He tones it down, so to speak. It's interesting.

I wish my books had come today. . .

Well, I should probably do something more productive than blogging.

Burning Time

Dave called me yesterday to talk about a book. It's nice how fantasy brings a family together. lol No, really. I like that we can enjoy the same things. Although, I probably have to read the book before I can really fully understand the extent of it's apparent awesomeness.

Mike blogged again. =) Pat on the head for you, brudder. And another one for working on Episode 14. :) These things doth make me of joyful heart. Hehe.

Another box of books came in but the post office is closed till 1:10, so I have to use up half an hour. If only the library computers still had IMing capabilities. . . . /sigh

?Como esta usted? (I need to figure out how to make one of those upside down question marks. . . Also, one of those "o"s in "como" is supposed to have a little ffft thing over it.) Muy bien, gracias. E tu? Regular (said completely different than the English "regular"). Sprechen se Deutch? Wait. . . Tres bien, merci? Oy vey. ;)

I like languages. They're so much fun. =)

Twenty-seven minutes. . . . Hmmmm. . . . I only have two classes on Tuesdays. :) It's nice. I should get a lot of stuff done, but whether or not I will is another matter. Hopefully. I'm really trying to have a good attitude and whatnot. I want to do well and I want to work hard, and I'm so tired already. It's only been a week and two and 1/2 days. . . . No, I have NOT been counting. :P lol

Why is it that the day I want to work out, we already did so it doesn't count for anything? Seriously. I don't think I'm going to be stressing out about good grades this semester. It's kind of nice and yet, kind of not, because when I stress, at least I get everything done that I need to. I'm not worried about school right now. And that's scary because then I'm going to get Cs and hate myself later. . . . Or maybe I'll never care. . . But I want to care. lol

I think I'm bugging Hannah. . . And Steph. It makes me feel bad, because I don't really mean to, and they act like they want to be your friend and get to know you better. Then they do, and I feel like I bother them. . . And I'm usually, generally pretty good about reading things like that. So I think I'm going to try to be less. . . . . I don't know, whatever it is that I'm being when they start to dislike me. lol Less talkative.

There's a girl's soccer game this afternoon. I don't want to go. At all. Hehe. I kinda feel bad for not being there to cheer them on, but at the same time, it's just not fun to watch girls. . . Where's the joy in seeing them run around? I saw that this morning in LF (what I shall now use to refer to Lifetime Fitness). I was one of them too. Let me tell ya, it's not that cool.

I had reading due last night that I didn't get done because I didn't have the book. So I'm excited that some more books came. I'm less excited that I got three wrong on my quiz today (7/10). It was sad. It was because I read the chapter like four days ago though. Next time I'll just read it the night/day before or something.

This post is getting pretty long and I still have fifteen minutes left. I've even done other things. My life is boring when I'm not in class. lol Oh, and just so the world knows, we still haven't had the big, warm pretzels yet. I'm getting a little bit unhappy with the kitchen staff. Bring back the pretzels!!!! ;)

"I have a crush on every boy!"

Please, nobody (meaning Mom and Dad, ;)) freak out. It's just a quote.

On the other hand, guys are cool. They make me happy. lol Sometimes. Less fun times are when they make me sad, but I try not to dwell on that. Hehe. I wish I had good guy friends here at school. It would make life and school and . . . . well, there isn't much beside life and school right now - it would make them more enjoyable. It's crazy how being in a dorm full of girls can suck the life right outta ya.

This year we have dorm societies instead of whatever we had last year (I wasn't involved, so don't ask what it was). We have brother and sister dorms (we did this with the Powderpuff Football) where we kind of cheer for each other and do what we can to help them out. So I'm in Gould and our brother dorm is Spurgeon. Not only does it have a better name than the other dorms, (I mean, come on! "Leland"?? Psh.) but it has what I think are some of the coolest guys. =) So, that's nice. Hopefully there will be a lot of. . . joint efforts between Gould and Spurgeon. /grin

Dr. Morales made Ben do one-handed push-ups in class today. It was funny. And Ben had a lot better attitude than the other guy who had to do them last time. The other guy just had to do regular ones too. lol I think his name is Matt. . . Probably is, because like 50% of guys on campus are named Matt. . . Hah. Anyway.

I need to go make notecards up for my Spanish class and I think I have an assignment for my Fitness class, which I could probably do right now, but I don't particularly feel like it. . . Not having motivation rots.

Spanish! - is a fun class. =)

The rest of my books haven't come. :( Pooh.

Teehee.

Books

Just thought I should post that I have some of my books, all thanks to the Lord. It was really very encouraging because I'd been praying about it a lot and a few of them came Saturday. =D So I thought I should at least put something up about God's goodness and for His wonderful works to the children of men. =) (Psalm 107: 8, 15, 21, 31)

Yippee! :)

On a less happy note, Mom didn't email me today. :(
/sniffle
;)

Doesn't feel that late

Maybe it's because the sun is now shining brightly after being hidden by clouds all morning. Or maybe it's because I took a little nap/thing, but it really doesn't feel like it should be 5:30 right now. 3:30 maybe. But not after five. I ought to get ready to go to dinner.

I just found out that some of my books just got shipped today. . . . I need to be reading them already. /sigh Trying not to worry.

I only have six classes this year. I think that's kind of neat.

There's a concert tonight being performed by two Russian pianists. I'm not sure why they're here, but they are and Steph and I are going to take advantage of it.

It's been a lot easier to talk to people this semester. I think I came last year and the first week or two I didn't want to talk to anyone and then I kind of got stuck there. It's been different this year. I think people like me less now. lol Oops? Spanish class is going to be fun.

I need to go to Walmart this weekend to get supplies. Also, a pair of really loose black pants so I can walk around campus after 6pm wearing slacks. But they have to be checkable, thus the "really loose" part. Seriously, they have to be like falling off. . . People need to figure out the different between fitting and being tight. But anyway. I need to get ready. Even though I'm not entirely hungry. Oh well. I have to eat fruit and vegetables. Because I only ate one vegetable for lunch and I didn't have any fruit. . . Shame on me. And I did eat icecream. See, this is what happens when I'm happy. When I'm happy, I eat whatever I want. When I'm more tense/stressed, I eat less and exercise more. So me being happy isn't good for me. lol Oh well. I like being happy.

Rain

One day it's 90. The next day it's in the 50s and raining constantly. I'm definitely in Wisconsin.

I still don't have my books. . . It's bothering me. I'm trying not to worry about it. It isn't very easy not to, though. . .

I'm tired. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's all the rain.

I miss my family. It's weird - every now and then I feel like something is just missing. It happened last semester too, and I couldn't figure out what it was. I figured it out this time. I miss hugs. No one touches here. I think it's bad for you. I mean, it's been proven that babies need to be held and stuff. Why not the rest of us? I need a hug. There's no one here that I want a hug from though. . . Dilemma.

Sat next to this guy in church last night. I know him, sorta. We sat at the same table during lunch one day last semester and - like normal - I mostly just listened, so I learned a few things about him. Anyway. He was really tired last night. He kept nodding off. It was kind of cute, except that it was church. On the other hand, it was the evangelist with practically the same message that he's had since Monday morning. . . . Doesn't excuse it, but it's more understandable. . . Maybe? I don't know. Maybe not. Anyway. The guy reminded me of when Mike was nodding off that one day. Teehee.
/target Mike
/poke
=D

I really want to take a little nap. . . I don't think I'd be able to sleep though. It's weird how lying down and closing my eyes turns my imagination on. Really.

Oh! In my Christian Life class today, Mr. Trainer was awesome. :) I really like him. He totally acted out one of David's mighty men of war in a battle. I mean, play by play of Shammah (I think that was his name. . .) standing in the middle of the field of beans and fighting off the Philistines. It was so funny because it doesn't seem like most teachers in a Christian school would pretend to be lopping people's arms and heads off, or standing there drenched in blood. I like people who are straight forward and bold and matter-of-fact about things. :) They're so much easier to understand, to talk to, and just to like. Quite a few of my teachers are like that this semester. Or so it seems thus far. :) Makes you want to do your best for them. . . People who are just who they are and too bad for you if you don't like it. =)

I need to go read something.

Disclaimer

I did not in any way mean to use the same title as Uncle Matt's blog. His blog reminded me of a song, which I've had in my head now for a while, and that's where the title of my last post came from. It really wasn't intentional. My apologies.

Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.

So here I am back at school. I think I'm mostly registered. Have to figure out exactly what to do about auditioning for choir. It sounds terrifying. Maybe I'll just be in the one at church and that'll be enough. There's a specific choir for college students, so it'll be the same thing - except on a smaller level and less intense. We'll see what happens.

It's nice to be able to run into people I already know. It's also kind of weird and none of them remember me, which I find rather funny. I like looking at a group of people and naming them in my head. Remembering is fun. =) Also makes it easier to say "hi" when you know their name and they don't know your name. Bwahahaha! It's like I already have an advantage.

I saw Paula when I went to register. I tried to get her attention, but she wasn't looking so I called her. It made her laugh. =)

I bought my Old Testament notes, but I can't find what other books I'll need. I talked to somebody in the bookstore and he was like, "You need these three books for your Biblical Counseling class." Wha-? Three books for one class? Do I really NEED them, or are they just what I'm supposed to have (like if I were rich)? Are there going to be quizzes from these things? Seriously. . . . Three books for one class? I didn't buy them.

I think I'm just going to go to most of my classes the first day, and try to only buy the books that I really, really need. I don't have enough money to buy 18 more books. Well, 15. . . I already have my Hymnplaying book and the OT notes. I hope I won't need a book for Lifetime Fitness. . .

I'm really hungry. . . . And yet, I feel really, really fat. . . . I miss the swimming pool.

Anyway. Certain people need to blog more. . . . And Steph should have been here by now. . . Maybe she's here and I just don't know it. Seems like she would've called me of texted me though. Maybe not. . . I wonder if I need a book for Computer Keyboarding. Maybe Paula has it - I think she took it last semester. I'll have to check. Maybe she has other books too.

I think textbooks are stupid. lol Just to throw that one out there.

Oh, there's this comedian named Brian Reagan who's pretty funny. Steph and I watched him on her computer yesterday. Good times. :)

Discussion

So Mom and I got into a discussion tonight. And there was something she was right about (that is, if she wasn't right about it all). I tend to write about things rather negatively. I don't mean to. I don't think about things in a negative way, generally, but at the same time I do. I can think and speak about negative things with a possitive attitude.

I don't think I convey the possitive attitude that I'm feeling very well though. I guess I come across as pessimistic, which makes me less than happy. I've always thought of myself as an optomist and been rather happy with being one. I like to be happy. I love to laugh. (Guess the movie referenece first and earn a free candy bar! ;)) And I've always thought of pessimists as kind of like downers. Like as bad as vicodin. . . .

Anyway. This post to say that I shall attempt to complain less and be more possitive in thought and word. And you have permission to remind me of this post should I slip back into my less than pleasant ways.

PS - Don't miss the other post I made earlier today. I wonder sometimes when I post twice if the former one gets skipped over. . . One of those things I think about. . .

Freaking Out

I'm leaving at the end of the week. . . .

It's scary. Seriously. I only have like five days left. . . . I'm not ready. . . Not even close.

My face is still the size of a punching balloon. . . . How am I supposed to go places like that? I'm not. I don't want to pack. Packing means it's time to go.

At the same time I do want to pack because I'm not doing anything else and that'll mean that later in the week when things are happening, I'll have the packing time for whatever else is going on.

I kept thinking "I'm leaving at the end of the month." People would ask when, and I'd say, "the end of the month." Now it's the end of the week. . . . It's five days. I'm in trouble.

I missed my "going away" party at church last night. I felt like a zombie. Or Death. Either one. I wanted to be there, but at the same time I didn't want to be there because I felt so horrible. Pain medication is from like the seventh level of Hades or something. . . Seriously. It does nasty things. Curse thee, Vicodin! Curse thee!

;)

Anyway. . . . . I should probably do something. I haven't for like four days. . . . Okay, today would be four.

Recovery is boring.

So I had all four of my wisdom teeth taken out this morning. It was kind of weird. I don't remember going to sleep or waking up. It just sorta happened. I never really felt the effects of the drugs on my brain. My body on the other hand, was having problems. When I started thinking coherently (or, at least when I remember thinking coherently), I couldn't make my eyes work. Which was extremely frustrating when people are saying things like, "Open your eyes, Jenn. Keep your eyes open. If you can't keep your eyes open we're going to have to put you in a recovery room." I think they should have a piece of paper and a pencil ready for when you wake up. You can't communicate, but everyone is talking to you like you're five, telling you what to do. I firmly believe when anyone wakes up from anything like that, you should give them a minute. On the other hand. . . . I'm not sure when I woke up, so maybe they did. . . . But somehow I doubt it.

My legs weren't going so well either, which was weird, because my arms were perfectly fine. (I thought it was really odd.) And I couldn't look around without my head feeling like it was going to spin off my shoulders. You'd think they might tell you these things beforehand. . . . /shrug Actually, the worst part was that I couldn't stop crying. Why was I crying? Good question. I really have no idea. Except that not being able to see has always freaked me out, and like I said, I was having problems with my eyes. It lasted for like an hour after I got home to. Every five minutes or so I started crying. It was really annoying, and then I started snapping at Mom when she was trying to do nice things for me. (She made me a chocolate shake; it was so sweet. . . ) That just made me feel worse, and here come the waterworks. . . . Bleh.

Anyway, I suppose that's far too much complaining. It went fine, and I didn't have to hang around the place in a recovery room. I haven't been able to sleep though. Actually, I feel incredibly restless. . . . I think it's bothering Mom. . . :D She's so great.
I think she made a trip to the store just because I wanted Macaroni and Cheese. . . . :)

My teeth/gums hurt pretty badly, but at least I'm not numb anymore. Mostly, anyway. I am kinda curious how in the world I'm going to sleep tonight. . . (I always sleep on my face. . . lol) Guess I'll figure it out. :) If I ever get tired. . .

It was good to see Matt posting again. =) Wish Joe would put something up, but I guess he's kinda busy now. . . /poke Joe Hehe. :) Mike should too, but I'm not sure if his computer is working. . . He needs to fix it or get a new one. I suppose that's not really on his list of things to buy next though. ;) =D

A poem about a horse

I found this while going through some papers of mine, and it made me giggle. :)

He's sleek, shiny bright
All silver and white
Except for his feet
So black and fleet
His long flowing mane
On his arched neck is lain
And his ears pricked high
Catch the smallest sigh
His strong defined shoulders
Could pull giant boulders
But that's not his fate.
Now into the gate.
The doors open loud
Oh, hear the crowd!
My horse is set free
And almost lost me
Around the far turn
His trust I'll not spurn
No whip will I use
More options I choose
He's giving his all
Don't slip! Don't fall!
Underneath the wire
We've won our desire.

Jazz, it's good.

Jazz is cool. I like the trumpets. And it has a softer background beat. I like it. "Say It With Trumpets" is a good song.

I'm leaving for school sometime around the end of the month. My last day of work is next Thursday. I have oral surgery on Friday. And then I have the next week to pack and get everything I need, and prepare as much as possible. I really hope the school got my check today. . . If they didn't, I'll probably have to give them another 50 bucks when I get there. Even though I sent it on Monday.

Cheese is good, too. Icecream wins though. Icecream and cereal - the staples of life. ;)

There was a bat in the house last night/this morning. I think bats are cool, but it's kind of freaky when you wake up and there's one flying around in your house. I felt bad for waking Dad up. . . . I probably should have just left it alone. Ah well. . . What can I do now?

I really, really, really like Burn Notice. It's a newer show on USA (Thrusday at 10pm; watch it), and it's awesome. I like the characters so much. Michael Weston is awesome. And NOW! Now they have Daniel from Stargate on it. :) I've always liked the way he acts. In this one, he's kind of a trigger-happy/lunatic-ish guy though. It's interesting. And very cool. =D I'm going to miss it when I go away.

Pysch isn't as good as it was at first. In my opinion. Maybe it's just lost it's novelty or something. /shrug Still a great show though.

I hope my new glasses come in by next Thursday. The lady said that they should, so I'm hoping. It'd be nicer to not have to spend the gas money on an extra trip. Though I might have to go back anyway to pick up a check. . . Not sure about that one. /shrug

Dad and I went to get my name officially changed on Monday. I'm now legally Jennifer Lesa on all my paper work. Yay! :) It was really nice. We don't get to spend much time together because of conflicting work schedules and just . . . stuff. It made me happy, and it was interesting besides. Had some nice talks. =)

Overall, it's been a pretty good week. =) We're going to the circus tomorrow. The Kelly Miller circus. Huh. . . . I couldn't remember the name of it for the life of me when I was telling people about it at work. Now it just came to me. Aren't our brains funny things?

8-09-08

I've been meaning to blog for the past few days. I actually had stuff to blog about. But I didn't get around to it.

Dave and Kaylynn have gone. They left this morning. It was strange how fast it happened. The job was there, but that wasn't the job he got. The opportunity was just sitting there, but they didn't have the chance to take it till what? Thrusday? Some things in life take years to get used to, or to get around to, to work to. Some things are decades in the making. Other things happen in two days.

Their car was packed with probably as much stuff as they could possibly get in it. It reminded me that I was going to have to pack my stuff soon. I don't want to. Don't want to go, but I want to work at McDonald's even less, so. . . /shrug Mom thinks I should go, and so do I. Kinda. It's hard. Faith isn't easy. I don't have the money for school. I don't know if I'm going to have the money. A part of me is saying, "Don't be like the king who starts building his tower without making sure he has enough money to do it." And the other part is asking, "Then what is faith?" It's a question I've been mulling over the past few days. What is faith? What do people have faith in? Is it faith to believe that all things will work together for good to them who love God? Because I have no troubles with that one. I know things are going to work out well. That's easy. The Bible says so. The Bible doesn't say that I'm going to have enough money to pay my school bill, or that I SHOULD have enough money to pay my school bill. It's hard to make the right choice, when the wrong choice seems just as good.

One choice just seems wrong, obviously wrong. But going into debt doesn't seem right either. Do I pick one and hope I'm right? Or do I have faith that the Holy Spirit is leading me and that in this instance, I need financial aid, and I'm going to have to rely on others for it? But is that faith? Or it that presuming upon God's goodness? "I'm going to get myself into a mess, but I know that because things will work for good for me, that God will get me out." Mmmmmnno.

People talk about faith a lot. Unsaved and saved alike. But really. What is it? What do we have faith in? Is it right for me to assume that because going to school is right that my bill will be taken care of? Is that faith? Or is it presuming? Or is it both? I don't know. Is the difference only in the attitude? I've never had to exercise much faith, I don't think. . . . I either knew things or I didn't. The Bible said so, or it didn't. Faith is difficult, because I can't seem to define it. It seems ambiguous.

I don't trust people, pretty much not anybody. There are differing degrees, but there's not a person alive I trust completely. And this includes myself, as I know me pretty well. I know the tendencies I have and the mistakes that I've made. I know why I've made most of them. This makes it very hard for me to trust anything that goes through my head. I second guess myself constantly. I rewrite everything. (This is why email and internet are so much better than pencil and paper. And why pencils pwn pens.) Spontaneous actions don't work for me because I realize all of two seconds later that what I did was a bad idea, or that there was a better way. It's bothersome. Conversations are difficult because I think my response over three times before I give it. Especially with new people. Or just people I'm not entirely comfortable with, which is the vast majority of human beings.

Then there are the people that I trust a great deal who don't really know me all that well. Those are the kind of people who talk a lot. I get to know them, I enjoy their company. But they don't know me at all because they do all the talking. That's great for me. In the end though, it doesn't work out so well. Now I'm completely invested in their life and they don't know me, so they don't really care about me. That can get painful. Especially when you realize your best friend doesn't want to know what's up with you. He doesn't know you and isn't really interested. Ow.

All that to say, that maybe my problems with faith come from not being able to trust people. The thing is, trusting God isn't even like an option. Of course I trust Him. He's God, and I'm His child. He is perfect, He is goodness. He's not going to hurt me for any devious reason. He loves me. If I get hurt, it's for my benefit. These are all things I know. They're fact. What do I have to have faith in then? That those things are true? . . . . . Maybe I'm thinking I'm standing and setting myself up for a fall by thinking I have these things down so well. I don't know. But I can't really think of an instance when I asked God why something bad happened, or when I was angry with Him. You don't question Him, and you don't get angry with Him. Those are stupid things to do, in my opinion. On the other hand, how do you trust people who are so tainted by sin? How? It's like trusting a starving, rabbid wolf not to bite you. Isn't it?

Some like it hot, some like it cold.

Us girls - Katie, Mom, and I - went out to Burger King tonight for dessert. Katie got hershey pie. Mom got hot apple pie. I got a shake. I just have to say, Icecream pwns pie. Cold pwns hot. In my opinion. ;) I very much dislike coffee. Iced coffee? It's not so bad, and rather addictive. But I digress. Icecream is dessert perfected.

Dave blogged yesterday about gossip and staying out of other people's business. He has a point that gossip is wrong and such, but I have to wonder. What exactly is gossip? Because it can't just be talking about other people. If it were, all prayer requests given during a Prayer Meeting would be sin. That's gossip! Telling other people I especially need prayer at this time.

Wait, no, it isn't gossip. That's thoughtful and kind. It's part of watching out for each other and loving each other. There's a difference between: A) taking care of other people, B) talking about other people, and C) sharing with other people. A: Taking care of them is taking them on as your responsibility. As Dave pointed out, I'm enough of a responsibiliy for me without having to worry about you or anyone else. (However, this doesn't discount the fact that sometimes we need someone to come along and lovingly point out some problems in our lives. It's a necessary thing because we don't see ourselves clearly.) B: Talking about other people would be gossip in my opinion. It's talking for the sake of talking, which I'm against pretty much completely. There's a verse in the Bible, unfortunately I can't remember it at the moment about counting your words or making sure they all mean something. It's people who need to talk just to talk who end up talking about other people. They don't care what they're saying or who they're saying it to. They're just talking. And that, I believe, is gossip.

C: Sharing, on the other hand, is a good thing and a necessary thing if there is to be any trust, any friendship, any love. You can't love someone you don't know. You may think you love them, but because you don't know them, you don't really love them. You love the idea of them that you have in your head. You can't get to know someone without talking to them and hearing about them. Sharing is telling facts about yourself or others in a loving way, not for the sake of speaking, but because someone is genuinely interested. Sharing would be me telling Kaylynn a funny/cute story about Dave when we were little. Sharing would be mentioning to your roommates at college that someone from your home church needs prayer. Sharing would be me telling Mom that my friend is having a rough time working three jobs and is feeling depressed and needs prayer. These are good things. These are things that help us get to know each other, that develop trust and the ability to fellowship and to love.

And specifically, as to talking about people. . . . There is no reason why many things should be kept secret or wished to be kept secret. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to tell my cousins what's going on with my brothers or the other way around. We're all Christians. We love each other. We've grown up together. We're adults now. We should be able to trust each other enough to tell each other our greatest goals and failures, pure enough of heart to share the depths of our souls, and loving enough that if someone does, we don't mock, scorn, or hurt them. We should be able to question each other's motives without being condemning or someone getting defensive. We should be able to test each other's knowledge without making the lesser feel inferior. We should be able to be mature, wise as serpents and harmless as doves. We were raised in godly homes by godly parents. We grew up in God's Church, lead by godly men. We were taught how to read from the Bible. We have had so many advantages. We've been taught well. We've been so blessed of God. It really shouldn't be hard for us to do these things.