So my violin gives me a rash. Yeah. . . . I break out in hives all over my neck after playing it. Not good, to say the least. But not a big deal, if I can just remember to not let it touch my skin. :)
I don't know what to play. I never do, but now I have like three things I need to play for. Grr. And I don't know what to sing tomorrow. Maybe I still won't be feeling well enough. . . lol
I need to write an email, but I really don't feel like it. . . . . Oh well. Gotta do what ya gotta do.
I got a raise, so I'm now making as much as my brother who's been working at the same job for like half as long as I have. . . . Either he's really, really good, or his manager brags about him a lot more. Or worse, maybe I'm slacking. . . . :/
I think I'm going to get stuck in back DT a lot more now. . . which kind of rots. Cause Sara had to change her hours up. Grr. I like to be in grill.
I learned something new yesterday. Actually, yesterday was pretty much a great day. :D Yep. Great day, yesterday.
I want to go shopping. I don't often want to go shopping, but I do right now. Unfortunately, I'm tired and I don't really want to go shopping at this minute. I just want to buy stuff, not walk around looking for the stuff to buy. lol Maybe I'm confused.
Or maybe YOU'RE confused. *evil laugh*
I just remembered I need to write two emails. . . . *sigh, mutter, grumble* I think they can wait till after supper. Hah.
Dustin wants to go bowling again. . . lol Yeah, he was talking about it and telling me how he's going to be in two different leagues and wants to do it just for fun too. The scariest part was how excited he seemed. . . . Yeah. Bowling. . .
I need to dye my hair this weekend. People also need to come over this weekend. And next time Mike and I go somewhere with peoples from work, we need some new people. lol I guess that's it.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
We bare our souls and tell the most appalling secrets!
Me revealed! Gaspar!
Ahem. So I have this problem. I get lonely. Like. . . REALLY lonely, where it hurts so bad that I end up crying myself to sleep type of lonely. And I know it's dumb and that I shouldn't be, but. . . sometimes knowing just doesn't change things. Lots of times it does, but sometimes. . . it doesn't work. That's why I talk a lot about getting married and wanting a boyfriend and stuff. I want someone to love and to love me. It's not that I feel unloved or that I don't love those around me - I do! A lot! It's just a completely different kind.
My brother tells me I worry about it too much. That I shouldn't think about it. And he has a point - it's not like I'm old or anything. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that because I don't NEED someone, I won't get someone. That since I can live without, I'll have to. There are people who are completely and utterly convinced they need someone - that that is what's for them. I'm not. I just want it really, really bad. But I don't need it. So it scares me, because wants aren't always granted. Needs are. Bottom line, I wish that I needed what I want. I can survive on my own. (Well, not really my own. I need God's help.) Everything else is extra. Family. Friends. Guys. It's all . . . fluff, almost. It's cushioning. It's not necessary. That's scary to me.
But on to less depressing thoughts.
I think the guy at work who had a crush on me is getting over it. Not sure, but I think so. Which, I suppose, is good. But to be completely honest, I like the attention.
People are going bowling tomorrow night. . . Yeah, I don't know if I want to. I mean, it was okay last time. It was fun. . . sorta. The actual bowling was boring, but the people were cool. Some of 'em. . . lol I don't know. They're not my kind of people. Heh. *shrug* Mike gets along with them though. I only like Beth, really.
The Firetruck parade is tonight. . . Yippee? Yeah, I don't know anymore. I don't know if anything has really made me happy the past three days. . . Wait, no. Wednesday was three days ago. . . I was happy then. We had church. :) Anyway - last two days. I've laughed and stuff, but. . . not really happy, and then that bothers me because I don't like having to depend on other people to be happy. In fact, I pretty much hate it. And yet. . . . I've been sucked in.
It was easier when no one talked to me. . . . Like when I thirteen-fifteen. . . Katie was two-four. She got most of the attention. Dave was working/going to college and so was Mike. I wasn't doing anything. There was nothing to talk to Mom about 'cause we were in school together all day driving each other batty. And Dad worked. It was easier then. I didn't talk to them, so I didn't need to. Now I find that I need to talk to Mom or I can't unwind. That I feel SOOOOOOO much better if I do. . . . She's afraid I'll go away and not talk to her. Ha. lol She's stuck with me now. If I'd gone right after graduating? Yeah, probably wouldn't talk much. But now. . . Things change. =D
Anyway, enough of me. I think that's part of my problem. I'm so sick of me. I need someone to love - someone who talks to me about every little thing that happens, so instead of being immersed in my own head, I can be immersed in his day. . . . Yeah. . . I'm sick of me.
In closing, a verse that I really, really love. "Turn us again, O LORD God of hosts; cause Thy face to shine and we shall be saved." <---- There are three verses in that Psalm that are really similar, but every time the Psalmist changes the title he gives God just a little. I like how it starts with God turning us too. It's one of those little pointers at God's sovereignty.
http://www.druglordcomics.com/index.php?comicid=1&episodenum=37
^Check it out! Vwip! Vwip!
Ahem. So I have this problem. I get lonely. Like. . . REALLY lonely, where it hurts so bad that I end up crying myself to sleep type of lonely. And I know it's dumb and that I shouldn't be, but. . . sometimes knowing just doesn't change things. Lots of times it does, but sometimes. . . it doesn't work. That's why I talk a lot about getting married and wanting a boyfriend and stuff. I want someone to love and to love me. It's not that I feel unloved or that I don't love those around me - I do! A lot! It's just a completely different kind.
My brother tells me I worry about it too much. That I shouldn't think about it. And he has a point - it's not like I'm old or anything. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that because I don't NEED someone, I won't get someone. That since I can live without, I'll have to. There are people who are completely and utterly convinced they need someone - that that is what's for them. I'm not. I just want it really, really bad. But I don't need it. So it scares me, because wants aren't always granted. Needs are. Bottom line, I wish that I needed what I want. I can survive on my own. (Well, not really my own. I need God's help.) Everything else is extra. Family. Friends. Guys. It's all . . . fluff, almost. It's cushioning. It's not necessary. That's scary to me.
But on to less depressing thoughts.
I think the guy at work who had a crush on me is getting over it. Not sure, but I think so. Which, I suppose, is good. But to be completely honest, I like the attention.
People are going bowling tomorrow night. . . Yeah, I don't know if I want to. I mean, it was okay last time. It was fun. . . sorta. The actual bowling was boring, but the people were cool. Some of 'em. . . lol I don't know. They're not my kind of people. Heh. *shrug* Mike gets along with them though. I only like Beth, really.
The Firetruck parade is tonight. . . Yippee? Yeah, I don't know anymore. I don't know if anything has really made me happy the past three days. . . Wait, no. Wednesday was three days ago. . . I was happy then. We had church. :) Anyway - last two days. I've laughed and stuff, but. . . not really happy, and then that bothers me because I don't like having to depend on other people to be happy. In fact, I pretty much hate it. And yet. . . . I've been sucked in.
It was easier when no one talked to me. . . . Like when I thirteen-fifteen. . . Katie was two-four. She got most of the attention. Dave was working/going to college and so was Mike. I wasn't doing anything. There was nothing to talk to Mom about 'cause we were in school together all day driving each other batty. And Dad worked. It was easier then. I didn't talk to them, so I didn't need to. Now I find that I need to talk to Mom or I can't unwind. That I feel SOOOOOOO much better if I do. . . . She's afraid I'll go away and not talk to her. Ha. lol She's stuck with me now. If I'd gone right after graduating? Yeah, probably wouldn't talk much. But now. . . Things change. =D
Anyway, enough of me. I think that's part of my problem. I'm so sick of me. I need someone to love - someone who talks to me about every little thing that happens, so instead of being immersed in my own head, I can be immersed in his day. . . . Yeah. . . I'm sick of me.
In closing, a verse that I really, really love. "Turn us again, O LORD God of hosts; cause Thy face to shine and we shall be saved." <---- There are three verses in that Psalm that are really similar, but every time the Psalmist changes the title he gives God just a little. I like how it starts with God turning us too. It's one of those little pointers at God's sovereignty.
http://www.druglordcomics.com/index.php?comicid=1&episodenum=37
^Check it out! Vwip! Vwip!
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