It really is. We've been going through Esther in our Ladies' Bible Study recently and it's been very cool. Normally, I'm not a big fan of Esther. I like how well it shows that God is in control, but I don't really identify with any of the characters and I don't like the lack of mention of any people who are definitely "the good guy."
Now, as a rabbit trail, let me say, I hope that Esther and Mordecai were true Jews and spiritual children of Abraham as well as physical ones; but I don't see any definite evidence of that, as everyone who's paid attention knows there is no mention of God, prayer, or anything else that would lead to that.
Back to my point though, life with God is seeing growing bills and shrinking paychecks and waiting with wonder at how God is going to save us. What Esther (no matter what her spiritual beliefs were) is He putting up to deliver His people? What or who is He going to use next to get us through another week, another month, the next year?
And that's exciting. It's like a beautiful, lazy summer evening spent with family and friends, sitting out on the lawn looking up at the sky waiting for the fireworks to start. Or sitting at the airport waiting for the plane to land so you can see your beloved again.
There is the other side to it though, the harder side. What am I trying to hold onto? What worry do I have that nags me? What thing am I wondering, "What do I do, what do I do" about?
I've had a few of those recently, and it's really hard to really give things over to God and say, "I don't want to keep trying to grab it. I can't hold it up; I can't fix it; I don't even know how to try to fix it. But I don't want to make it worse by hanging on. I don't want to make it worse by worrying and filling myself with anxiety until I finally do something stupid out of desperation." It's an interesting thing - giving it up is a lighter weight than carrying it around; but it's a harder thing to do sometimes.
Anyway. Life is exciting. It's rough and it hurts and it's long; but God is gentle. He binds up the broken-hearted and He gives rest to the weary. And it's exciting to see how He works.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
As Long As They're Healthy
"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"
"Oh, I don't care. I'll be happy as long as they're healthy."
I think these words get a sort of silent kudos. "Well good for them. They're not going to be disappointed because of the gender of their child. Good for them, they're not being sexist." But that's only one side of what it's saying.
I wonder how many people have said these words, heard these words, anticipated saying them once they got pregnant. I also wonder how many have actually thought about what the words are saying on the flip side.
The flip side is, am I not suggesting that I won't be pleased with them if they're unhealthy? That I might possibly love them less because they're going to make my life even more difficult? That it's hard enough getting up x amount of times in the night without having to deal with some other problem? That we hardly have the money to deal with a normal birth without having to worry about a day spent in NICU? Will we bemoan the events that brought a less-than-perfect child into our lives as our responsibility?
I'm not saying it's wrong to wish good health to your baby - we pray for it all the time, and I fully believe it's a good thing. We don't wish ill on people. But you wouldn't say, "As long as it's a boy" if you want a boy. You might pray for a boy, but you wouldn't hang your happiness on it. So why would you say, "As long as they're healthy?"
Is God's arm too short to help us with the physical or mental care of a child? More, did God say of us, "As long as they're healthy?" Has God not chosen the weak things of the world to confound the mighty? Hasn't He used a myriad of people that were not perfectly healthy or perfectly formed?
I wonder about these things because I know people who are in the process of adopting. And in that process, they get asked, "Will you take a child with special needs? Will you accept blindness, deafness, cerebral palsy, autism, etc. etc.?" Would you? Would I? Or do we only want the healthy ones? Are they no longer blessings if they're not healthy?
If God gives me a blind baby, dare I be disappointed with the gift that the Master Potter has formed for me? Dare I say, "Why hast Thou made them thus?"
Just something to think about.
"Oh, I don't care. I'll be happy as long as they're healthy."
I think these words get a sort of silent kudos. "Well good for them. They're not going to be disappointed because of the gender of their child. Good for them, they're not being sexist." But that's only one side of what it's saying.
I wonder how many people have said these words, heard these words, anticipated saying them once they got pregnant. I also wonder how many have actually thought about what the words are saying on the flip side.
The flip side is, am I not suggesting that I won't be pleased with them if they're unhealthy? That I might possibly love them less because they're going to make my life even more difficult? That it's hard enough getting up x amount of times in the night without having to deal with some other problem? That we hardly have the money to deal with a normal birth without having to worry about a day spent in NICU? Will we bemoan the events that brought a less-than-perfect child into our lives as our responsibility?
I'm not saying it's wrong to wish good health to your baby - we pray for it all the time, and I fully believe it's a good thing. We don't wish ill on people. But you wouldn't say, "As long as it's a boy" if you want a boy. You might pray for a boy, but you wouldn't hang your happiness on it. So why would you say, "As long as they're healthy?"
Is God's arm too short to help us with the physical or mental care of a child? More, did God say of us, "As long as they're healthy?" Has God not chosen the weak things of the world to confound the mighty? Hasn't He used a myriad of people that were not perfectly healthy or perfectly formed?
I wonder about these things because I know people who are in the process of adopting. And in that process, they get asked, "Will you take a child with special needs? Will you accept blindness, deafness, cerebral palsy, autism, etc. etc.?" Would you? Would I? Or do we only want the healthy ones? Are they no longer blessings if they're not healthy?
If God gives me a blind baby, dare I be disappointed with the gift that the Master Potter has formed for me? Dare I say, "Why hast Thou made them thus?"
Just something to think about.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
As to the Lord
Been thinking a lot recently about my attitude in life and why I do things and the main reason why I complain about having to do things. Mostly, I've been thinking about Colossians 3:23, a well-known verse. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord, and not unto men."
Why do I clean the church? I don't like cleaning. It's nice that it gives us some extra money, but that's not enough for me to be HAPPY about cleaning the church. But I can reason, it's the church building, we don't have a lot to give financially; this is something I can do. I can give some of my time, if not more money, to help the running of the church go smoothly.
Okay, so what about cleaning our apartment? What about putting time into making healthy and yummy dinners? What about when my husband, as he did today, asks me to do something that I really don't want to do? What about when someone asks me to babysit or house-sit or whatnot? I can come up with reasons to do it all, but none of those apply to making me HAPPY to do them. They just get me through it. Normally, I take the approach of giving myself a guilt trip until I stop complaining about it because I know, "It's the right thing to do" and "I need to be a friend" and "I don't have anything better to do at that time."
The only way I clean the church with a happy heart is when it's for God. The only way I gladly answer the phone when my husband asks is when it's because, in submitting to Zack, I'm submitting to God. The only way I look forward to doing the laundry is when I'm thinking that in doing such a menial household task, I'm able to do part of what God wants of me in taking care of my husband.
The interesting part is that if I don't think about why I'm doing things, I'm automatically doing them for me. I clean the church for the money; I clean the apartment so I can stand to live in it; I do the laundry because I'm out of clothes. It's all about me unless I purpose to do it with God in mind and for His glory, so that I can do it happily in the hopes that someone will notice a difference and ask "How??" And then I can answer honestly that it's because it's not for me; it's the daily worship I can give to my God.
It's been harder than normal lately. I'm not sure why exactly.
Randomly, a little girl came to the door the other day, handed me a paper and said, "This is about God and the number three." I smiled at such unexpected words, thanked her, and then we said "bye" to each other. I opened the paper up which was addressed to "You Guys" and it said: Jesus is Awesome!
It was a little thing but it made me very happy. :)
Why do I clean the church? I don't like cleaning. It's nice that it gives us some extra money, but that's not enough for me to be HAPPY about cleaning the church. But I can reason, it's the church building, we don't have a lot to give financially; this is something I can do. I can give some of my time, if not more money, to help the running of the church go smoothly.
Okay, so what about cleaning our apartment? What about putting time into making healthy and yummy dinners? What about when my husband, as he did today, asks me to do something that I really don't want to do? What about when someone asks me to babysit or house-sit or whatnot? I can come up with reasons to do it all, but none of those apply to making me HAPPY to do them. They just get me through it. Normally, I take the approach of giving myself a guilt trip until I stop complaining about it because I know, "It's the right thing to do" and "I need to be a friend" and "I don't have anything better to do at that time."
The only way I clean the church with a happy heart is when it's for God. The only way I gladly answer the phone when my husband asks is when it's because, in submitting to Zack, I'm submitting to God. The only way I look forward to doing the laundry is when I'm thinking that in doing such a menial household task, I'm able to do part of what God wants of me in taking care of my husband.
The interesting part is that if I don't think about why I'm doing things, I'm automatically doing them for me. I clean the church for the money; I clean the apartment so I can stand to live in it; I do the laundry because I'm out of clothes. It's all about me unless I purpose to do it with God in mind and for His glory, so that I can do it happily in the hopes that someone will notice a difference and ask "How??" And then I can answer honestly that it's because it's not for me; it's the daily worship I can give to my God.
It's been harder than normal lately. I'm not sure why exactly.
Randomly, a little girl came to the door the other day, handed me a paper and said, "This is about God and the number three." I smiled at such unexpected words, thanked her, and then we said "bye" to each other. I opened the paper up which was addressed to "You Guys" and it said: Jesus is Awesome!
It was a little thing but it made me very happy. :)
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