I remember now.

I really want a friend. . . A good friend who lives nearby, who likes to hang out with me and with whom I can do things with. . . Preferably a guy with a group of friends with whom I can fit in, thereby keeping things from being awkward. Because I gotta tell ya, as much as I love home (and I do, I really do), I have no friends here. I have family. At school, I have friends but no family. Why is it so difficult for both to exist in the same location?

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But family is different.

/sigh That mood of happiness I wrote about last night died during the course of today. I don't know where it went, but in its place came a very familiar feeling of solitude. . . Maybe the happiness will come back after I sleep. I feel tired for some reason. . . Maybe it'll come back after I read the Bible in a few minutes.

Should be doing. . .

I should be sleeping. Or reading. Or doing something other than sitting at my computer. But I'm not. . .

I'm not tired. Probably because I sleep in as long as I want/need to every day. Ah, the life of unemployment. I should be getting a job, and yet I don't feel any pressure to do so. I can't decide if it's a type of laziness (though I've been trying very hard to stay busy and help out at home) or if it's just knowing that God's in control of when I find a job and which job I find. /shrug I probably should have gone out looking today though. . .

Been playing a lot of Hero's Quest lately. Great old Atari game. I have the original one too, not the redone one that doesn't look right. The only sad part is that the sound doesn't work. :( Very sad because it had good music. Like most old games. And even some new ones.

I've been happy lately. Happier over a longer period of time than I've been in. . . maybe ever. . . It's not just a happy feeling. It's just. . . /shrug I don't know. It's nice. :) I'm relatively certain it's because I've been spending more time reading the Bible. I'm trying to read the NT fifteen times this year. That's 4050 chapters in 365 days, about eleven chapters a day. Very doable. Especially without a job or school. Heh. It's been going pretty well so far.

Politics seems to be all people are talking about lately. Or at least, the most of what people are talking about. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I don't care. Really. . . Why spend all your time thinking about what Obama is going to do, or is trying to do, or what the banks are doing and what you think people should be doing? The verse starts with "Fear God" then it says "Honor the king." Think about God first, then think about the government. Do we spend more time thinking about the banks and the stock market and the economy and all that stuff than we do about God and Who He is? Maybe not. But I do know that the economy and the state of our country is spoken of more.

But to what extent should I be detatched? It seems wise to be at least somewhat informed of what's going on in the country. I mean, there's nothing wrong with knowing what's happening. And yet, I don't care. Apathy comes easy to me in this area. Heh.

Frigid Air

It's cold. Really cold. And when your bedroom has no vent to let in the warm air, and your windows don't work so well at keeping the cold out to begin with, there isn't much you can do about it, but not spend time in your room. Less time in your room = less time on your ancient desktop computer = less blogging. ;)

In other news, I still don't have a job and I'm not in school, so life has slowed down a bit. (another reason for no updates.) Yet I find I'm entirely happy, and actually not bored at all. If I run out of things to do, I can always write or read Romans. (Been doing a lot of both lately.) The breaks on my car went out shortly after the New Year, I think. My dad fixed it for now, and then his truck died. So it's kind of a good thing that I haven't found a job, else one of us wouldn't have a way to get there and it would be a hassle.

Have you ever wanted to know what it's like to be poor? Have you ever wanted to be in the circumstances of people like Moody, that you have to be completely dependent on God, because you have nothing else? I have. I've wanted to be the missionary wife who has no money, and four kids and a husband to feed. The person who prays all day every day, because unless God provides, there is no food. Unless God gives money, there are no shoes for the kids, or clothes for that little boy who's just growing too fast. It's a terrifying thought if you think about it humanly. Terrifying and idiotic to actually want that. And yet, in another way. . . it's really cool. Because you get to see God's hand even clearer, every day. :) And you get to see just how many of the things we think of as necessities are really luxuries when it comes down to it. Just how much can we do without?

It's an exciting thought. :)

I would just like to point out that it was requested that I blog and I have done so in a timely fashion. lol Unlike some people. . .

Christmas

I know it's been past Christmas for a bit now, but I was reading someone's blog and a question came to my attention. What is Christmas? Is it a day? Is it a time of year? We, as Christians, know what's it's "really about", but what IS it? Christmas is obviously a time to remember the incarnation of the Lord, but honestly, is there a time when you're in church, hearing a good sermon that you're not aware of that event? Is there a day when you don't think about your salvation and know it's because Christ was born, lived, and died for you? So what is Christmas?

To me, Christmas is amazing. Christmas is. . . so incredibly wonderful. It wasn't always, but lately, it has been. Christmas is Christmas because of family. And Christmas is Christmas because most of my mom's side of the family comes home. Home to Michigan. Home to a little house in the middle of a snow-covered corn field across the driveway from the house where my great-grandparents lived.

It's a little morbid but my grandma brought up the buying of grave plots in the cemetery where my great grandparents and my grandpa and my uncle are buried. Along with probably a bunch of other relatives that I'm not even aware of. It's home in life - it's home in death, in a way. I want to be buried there. I don't know if I will. I may very well give that up one day, but that little farm in Michigan will always be home on the earth. Because that's where family is.

And it wouldn't be Christmas without a theological discussion. =D How I love our theological discussions! Whether or not you say a word, to sit and listen to greater minds debate the minute details of faith and the Bible and to see how they draw their way of thinking from a Biblical basis. Whether it's a debate, or just building on other people's thoughts. Whether it's a heated argument where people have to raise their voices to shouting in order to be heard, or a quiet conversation between two people about the practical application of Scriptural principles in their life during some hardship. It doesn't matter. I love my family because we can all gather together and talk about our God in a way I've never experienced anywhere else, nor do I know of anyone outside of our family who has anything similarly wonderful. It is awing and beyond description of beauty and blessing. And I know that there are others in my family who feel the same way. =) So it's not just me being whacked. =D