For reals this time?

I think so. But maybe not. . . It's hard to be sure.

Japanese is a really pretty language. If I could make an attempt to learn another language, I'd choose Japanese.

I've been writing a lot lately, but I keep writing different things, so I'm not really making any progress. At least it keeps me occupied.

C. S. Lewis is annoying. He has an interesting writing style, but really. . . He's just annoying. I'm reading Perelandra and I can hardly stand it. I can only read so much of it at a time. Nonetheless, I'm finishing the book. I think I'm finally to the last chapter. (There were only seventeen, and it took me like three weeks. . . An indication of how much I dislike the book.)

I can hear Robin Hood the Fox playing in the next room. . . It seems to be one of everyone's favorite cartoon movies, aside from me. But I don't care for most Disney movies at all, so I suppose it would be in the top five of it's genre. Does anyone care about this? Probably not. It has good songs.

I don't really want to go back to school. . . Maybe if I get a job, then I will. lol Suppose I'd better get a job.

Sonnet

A friend of mine and I were conversing the other day and he mentioned that I should try to write a sonnet. So, this is my sad, sad attempt at it. I hope that at least I got the mechanics of it right. . .

A maiden fair and light, she free did roam
Through forest green and water blue she'd dance.
A mighty knight he wandered far from home
Through friend and foe, he battled with his lance
Beside the shores of Taerkos she did rest
Where stars and moon do send to earth their light
Beside the falls of Taerkos he did quest
Where form the cliff great dragon-lords took flight
The dragons saw the maiden as she went
And in their grasp her life would soon be lost
The knight did follow hard upon their scent
And for her life he fought at high a cost
Upon his side forever now he bears
A scar, the proof of love, for whom he cares.

It's awful. . . I know. lol I liked it at the beginning. And then the end happened and it was like, MY EYES!!!!! ;) Hehehehe.
Happy first day of Spring tomorrow. =)

Just can't decide

Happy St. Patrick's Day. =D And happy birthday to cousin Emily. :)

So I was all ready to go get a job. I was mentally prepared to go job hunting. I was physically prepared, wearing nice clothes with my hair and make-up just so. And then stuff happened, and I was stuck at home. And now I don't want a job again. I find I have a deeply rooted love for being home, for being around my family, and a natural aversion to going back into the world for 40 hours a week, spending all those hours amongst people who have no desire to know anything about God, who ignore Him every day of their lives.

I've been reading the Bible a lot this year. Much more than probably ever before in my life, even more than last semester when I read the entire OT. Because that was speed-reading for a class. This is normal reading, reading because I choose to, because I have a desire to be more familiar with the Scriptures. I don't want to lose that because of work. . . but I don't know, if I had so much less free time, if I'd be able to keep it up. :/ I don't know if I've grown that much.

And then there's the whole, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to go back to work. But should I want to? I have a debt that I need to pay and I need money to do it. Why doesn't that bother me like it should, like it used to? I used to despise the thought of debt. I still don't like it, but it's not weighing on me like I feel like it should. Why?? Am I flippant? Am I too dependent on Dad to pay it for me? I don't want him to have to do that. I want to pay it.

Actually. . . I want to work. I do. I just don't want to work for them, out there. I want a house to run and kids to train and teach. I want to do something lasting, something important. Not serve the senior citizens their coffee just so. . . Sigh. I don't know. . . I really don't. . .

Come What May

Parts of this post will not make sense to anyone but myself.

So I think it's time. /nod Yes, definitely time.

I feel mostly back to my normal self, which is good. I didn't there for a while. I felt like someone else, someone too thoughtless, too impulsive. I think a lot again, and other things have come back, too. Good things. I missed them. Although, being sporadic did have some fun moments, it wasn't worth it. Calculating is better for me. I regret saying things I shouldn't more than I regret not saying things I wanted to. Hah.

Dave thinks it takes a half hour a day to memorize Scripture. I think he's nuts. lol He's lost his marbles. At least for those of us who've grown up memorizing and hearing Scripture, it doesn't take nearly that long, unless you're going for like three chapters in a week or something. Ten minutes a day, you could probably memorize a semi-familiar passage of twenty verses in about a week. Actually, probably about five days. . . Seriously. It's not that hard to memorize something you've heard throughout your life. But that's NT. OT, aside from Psalms, would probably be a lot more difficult.

It got quite cold last night. Windy. I could feel it while I was sleeping. When the wind blows hard, it shakes my bed. But then the sun came out today, which I did not expect. That was cool. If it'd been warmer, I probably would have made use of the trampoline. Wind and warm temps on the trampoline. . . Aaaah. :) Alas, it hasn't warmed up. It's going to be a chilly one tonight.

Come what may. . . .

To what is the world coming??

WARNING: The following is a rant about the recently shown season finale of the TV show, Burn Notice. It is overly dramatic and rather emotional. It is strongly recommended you not read it aloud if you have nearby neighbors.


Michael Weston just killed a Daniel Jackson!!!! ARGH! :'( Way to end the season on a terrible note, Burn Notice!

It was a great episode, absolutely one of the best. And then the end happened. . . And rather than keep up his totally awesome, can-get-out-of-anything-cause-he's-that-cool image, what did my favorite current TV character do? He killed Daniel. . . :( I don't know if he's still my favorite TV character. . . . My bubble of happiness with that TV show just got popped. Can you blame me though?? He killed DANIEL!!!

. . . . I just thought of a really funny analogy for which my brother would mock me mercilessly if I used it. lol You'll just have to take my word for it. . . . Back to regular programming.

So yeah. . . No more new Burn Notice till June. Probably late June, too, 'cause they're mean like that. Mean people behind the scenes of Burn Notice. . . *sigh* I liked Daniel as a crazy man. . . I liked it better when they were working together. That was awesomeness. . . . Michael should have saved him. He was his client. Bleh. . . . And what was up with him leaving his sunglasses?? Are they trying to completely ruin his image?? Well, it's working! What'll happen next? He'll start taking clients and not be able to do the jobs? He'll run out of spy advice? All because he shot Daniel Jackson. Fiona should slap him again.

And then blow up whoever had the "great idea" of that ending. Seriously, they could have killed him fourteen other ways that didn't involve it being Michael's direct fault. But noooooooooooo! Slap them all with trout.

March the First

On the first day of Ma-arch, my true love gave to me. . . .

Nothin', I don't know who he is yet. :)

Today was awesome. It was just good. Aside from being a sinful human being, I mean. That part stunk as usual, but today, we got to go to church. :) Today, I learned a new song. And today was a good hair day. :) Also, Mom made pumpkin pie.

I love church. I love my pastor. I love that our church is growing. It's so cool. :) God is good. And to be feared. (Pastor started a new series. It's great! =D)

So there's a need for a Sunday School teacher at my church for the really little kids. . . My brother seems convinced I should do it. My mom and dad haven't been very expressive of their thoughts on the matter, but they both seem to think I should do it, too. To be blunt, I don't want to. A few reasons:
1) Being the center of attention for more than two people at a time, no matter what their ages, is uncomfortable and a little scary. I'm more of a one-on-one person.
2) Of all the age groups of children, pre-schoolers freak me out most. Which is not to say I don't like kids or anything. I do. I'm just of the opinion that parents should each take care of their own kid. . . . I'm kind of against Sunday School. . . Not because it's bad, but because it removes the responsibility of the kids from the parents, and I'm against that.
3) I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to teach. Unless I'm going to be home-schooling my kids, in which case, I'm thrilled to keep the responsibility of my kids' education.
4) I don't know how to teach a Sunday School class for little kids. I don't remember learning anything in Sunday School until I was like ten, and at that point, I don't even know if kids should be in SS. . . Really, what's the cut off age and why? Because from twelve to thirteen kids suddenly develop a greater understanding of the Bible and are now able to sit in the adult class? Or is it at eighteen when they're considered legal adults? It's like the fabled "Age of Accountability" (which is as much balogna as the Fountain of Youth). But I've digressed. . .

Unfortunately, despite all these things, I keep wondering if I should. I believe that if you're doing what's right and doing your best to follow the will of God, your desires will be His desires. Which is why the psalmist can write, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." What I can't figure out. . . is whether or not I can trust that I'm walking in close enough communion with the Lord for my desires in this area to be God's desires. Does the fact that I don't want to teach mean that I'm not the one who should be teaching? Or does the fact that I keep wondering about it mean that I'm supposed to? What's my motive behind not wanting to teach? . . . I don't know. . . It seems very. . . undesirable to teach a class of small children.

/sigh It would be cool if when we were born, we had a walkthrough attached for our specific life, telling us what exactly to do and how to do it. It would take out the adventure part of it a bit, but you don't HAVE to read the walkthrough. . .

I would read it. Wouldn't you read it?