Send Me Anywhere

When I was very little, I used to pretend a lot in my head. I was too self-conscious to do the talking and thinking aloud, but I would come up with very detailed futures for myself, realistic or fantastic. Sometimes I would imagine myself an android, like Data. Yes, I was a Trekkie at an early age. Sometimes, I had a little brother named Gideon and my parents had been kidnapped.

The more real ones, I always imagined myself far away from home - alone. That was actually a common theme in real or make-believe. No parents, no older siblings. If there was anyone, it was someone depending on me. Maybe it was because I had a tendency to feel alone, so that was the way I always thought I would be. Maybe I wanted to be the one in charge. I do know it wasn't because I WANTED to get away from my family because I didn't. I loved my family; I always have, always will. But it was always a given with me that I was going to leave.

I was practicing singing for church tonight, and I came across two of my very favorite songs. One, Here Am I Lord, I'd known since I was very small and we had our first Patch the Pirate tape (Goes to the Jungle). I knew that song very very well. I loved that song. I'd prayed that song throughout my life. I wanted to be a missionary's or an evangelist's wife. I wanted to travel and be used of God. More recently, I came to know another song, Lord, Send Me Anywhere. The chorus is a quote from David Livingston:

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me.
Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.
Sever any tie, save the tie that binds me to Thy heart.
Lord Jesus, my King, I consecrate my life, Lord, to Thee."

I learned those words at college. I sang them and I meant them, but I never dreamed how much I would be tested by them. If I had, I probably would have assumed I was ready for it. Haha. Naive.

I have ties to family, friends, memories, The Farm, Michigan itself. They're not all exactly being severed, but they're definitely getting stretched or thinned. Ties to many of my friends HAVE been severed. The message boards? Yeah, they're gone. The friends that went with them? Gone, except for a random comment here and there on Facebook. If my parents are right and the U. S. is about to collapse financially, ties to family may well be severed, too, and to Michigan.

"I only have one life and that will soon be past.
I want my life to count for Christ
What's done for Him will last."

It's a harder song to sing now. If God decided to test it by severing my tie to Zack? It's a scary thought. And yet. . . there's a comfort knowing that if He did that, He'd be there to get me through, like He has been with moving to Cali. God be thanked and praised, I still meant those words when I sang them tonight, sitting at my beloved piano, in our kitchen on a snowy, winter night in good ole Michigan, my little sister standing next to me, singing them with me, my dear, dear mama in the background working on flowers for the wedding.

Here, have a poem.

It's missing something. . . . Oh well. Have it anyway. ;)

My loving Father God above
I bow down at your throne
In prayer, I come to worship You
In the way You have made known

And as I come with heart made right
I bring my woes and cares
And with a soul You've made contrite
I tell You all my prayers

I thank You for all You have done
You've held me in Your hand
You've fed me, clothed me, kept me safe
You've lifted me to stand.

I ask for things, for self and friends
My fears I speak to You
Sometimes I cannot voice my needs
But I know You hear thoughts, too.

And then I reach the end of my list
I pause, my hopes pulse bright
For there my greatest request I see
Lord, come again in might!

O, Father, how I long to see
The day of Christ appear
O, Father, I know it will be.
Christ's coming is drawing near!

Oh for me to see the day
The day You meet us there
Oh for me from death to stray
To meet You in the air.

Up in the clouds, we'll fly to You
As You descend to Earth
What a greeting that will be
Full of joyfulness and mirth.

And so my God, I ask in earnest
Please come again, I pray
Come once and take us home with You
Come again on Judgment Day.