Missing

There is a family that goes to our church. I've only met two of its members, and until about three minutes ago, I hadn't even realized it. . . . . It's been on the news. The Gallego family. Their baby daughter is missing.

It was hard when it was some people from our church. It was difficult to imagine how I would react if I woke up and my baby wasn't where I had laid it down to sleep. What if the child had a hard time sleeping through the night, and my first thought had been, "Wow, that was a great night's sleep. I'm going to be able to get so much done today"?

I remember with vivid detail the morning that we got the call that my Uncle Dan was missing. He'd gone swimming and hadn't come back. There's an initial panic and then there's a numbness. I remember waiting, pacing around for hours, praying, "Please, don't take my Uncle Dan." I kept praying it over and over, "Not my Uncle Dan. Not my uncle Dan." It was the only thought in my head.

I can't imagine the amplification that my mom felt that day. I can't imagine the amplification that Ramy's parents have felt all of today.

That was all hard. Thinking about a little baby being abducted. Then, the imagining of the panic and the horror. Then, the remembering of things, how I felt during times of loss. And again, more imagining.

But there was a new wave tonight. And that was when I saw a picture of the baby with her mother. . . . I didn't know the people by name, you see, but when we'd had our Easter breakfast at church, Kristin Gallego was doing a lot of the work. She had a very small baby, Ramy, that another of their young daughters had been holding for a while.

The other daughter's arms were tired and Kristin was busy. I held the baby, not knowing her name, or who she was. I felt kind of awkward because I would have been slightly unhappy if I'd found some random woman holding my child.

I saw a picture of Ramy and Kristin and I remembered. I held that baby.

And with that little attachment, that little memory of probably less than ten minutes, everything took on a new view. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and it comes with fresh waves of nausea . . . I held that baby! She was in my arms, content to sit with a stranger while her mother worked. I held her!

And again, I've found my mantra, that repeating phrase in my head. No matter what I think, it goes back to it - "I held her."


Please pray for the Gallego family.

Not the Rapture

Just another day? Kind of, and yet, every day should be held as something good, something special. It's another day with friends and family. It's another day of sunshine or rain, of air to breathe, of work or play - of life. It's another day full of God's goodness to us, where we can enjoy the world that He made and where He's placed us.

I don't know how He does it, but somehow, we've actually made money this month. Sure, we've been careful, but not as careful as we could have been. Sure, we've been working, but not full time. Yeah, we don't have any spending money, but we still have little treats now and then.

It's mind-boggling. He's not just sustaining us; He's growing us. We're not just "making it." We're gaining it. Yeah, we're trying to be smart, but this is not of us. This is God's blessing, and it's hugely humbling. I DON'T deserve this - not, I FEEL like I don't - I really Don't.

Sustaining . . . . We might say that God has promised to provide for us, thus because I am His child, He must take care of me. He's bound to now by His Word, one might argue. That gives the feeling that one deserves it, that one is now entitled. Because God has given me so much, now He MUST give me more!

Such wrong thinking! But I did feel that way.

And He gave us more anyway. . . . What is that verse? The goodness of God leads us to repentance. It's not always hard times that break through hard hearts, I guess. Sometimes, we just need a reminder, "Look. Stop. See what I have done. Remember what I did. See how much more I can give because I AM good."

For He is God and there is none like Him. He is God, and there none else. I don't deserve to be His child, much less be sustained, much less be blessed with extra. And as much as I'd be thrilled for the Rapture, I'm glad He gave me another day to think about that before standing before Him.

Wouldn't it be really funny if the Rapture happened next week? Hehehe. I think it'd be funny. =D

Diet and Exercise

I'm no expert. I've just spent a good deal of my life fighting not to be fat. For a while, I quit fighting and ballooned, and I discovered afterward that the fight is well worth it. Not because I want to look good (thought that is a large motivation), but because the taste of food and the feeling of being full last far less time than the feeling of being fit. Also, I never get heartburn when I'm watching how much I eat, and I HATE heartburn - so that's an amazing perk.

After I got married, I gained, oh, about ten pounds. Now, ten may not sound like a large number. But on a 5' 2'' frame where most of that weight sits in the length of a foot? It makes a big difference. Clothes stop fitting, I get really self-conscious, I want to wear my jackets to cover up, but it's 80 degrees outside, more sweat, everything is uncomfortable, etc. etc. It's just nasty.

Working out is hard. It's hard to get started; it's hard to keep going, especially when you get on the scale and nothing has happened after a few weeks. This is when I have to remember that after so long, my metabolism has slowed and I'm trying to rev it back up, and that doesn't happen in a week or two. That can take months.

My dieting is called calorie-counting. I'm not prone to eating foods that are terrible for me. I'm just prone to eating too much. Some people like bad food - I'm not one of them. I love fruits and vegetables. My downfall is that I like feeling full and fruits and vegetables do NOT fill me up. Pasta and bread will make me feel full and I love both of those - even the kinds that people tell us are really healthy. Cutting down to 1200 calories (which every expert agrees is the lowest a female should go), is a little too far for me. It's unnecessary, I can't stick with it, and then I binge to a terrible degree on cheat day. Overall, it's better for me to eat a little more every day to keep from eating a LOT more on Sunday.

The hardest thing about dieting is that it's all day. Working out? I'd do it for half an hour - maybe a little more, and then it's done. Finished. Don't have to think about it any more. Dieting is not like that. It doesn't end. It's all day, every day, which is why cheat day is so important to me. Cheat day doesn't have to be about eating a ton or not having to exercise at all; it's just about not worrying about it. It's a break from the calculations.

Now I was working out somewhat regularly, cutting my calorie intake down to something more normal, but I wasn't losing weight. It wasn't stable. I'd go up and down and my emotions and determination would go with the scale numbers. But why? Well, the metabolism takes time for one thing. And the other? Too much down time.

I could spend ten to twelve hours a day sitting! And not sitting up tall, using SOME muscle to keep from slouching. Uh-uh. Sitting on a couch. Slouching in a chair at my computer. Leaning back. I wasn't moving except when I exercised. Bad, bad, bad idea. The metabolism doesn't get going that way!

After Zack would leave for work, I would often watch a TV episode - about 44 minutes of commercial-free entertainment. My parents have this walking video with different moves to do in your house in substitute of getting out and going for a walk. I'd done it enough times to know the basic moves and started doing it for half an hour while watching my episode, in addition to the work-outs.

What is this? I'm losing weight!

I'm trying to change my ideas about diet and exercise and it's been helping. I've been focusing less on eating less and focusing on eating when I'm hungry. I've been focusing less on hardcore exercise for half an hour and focusing more on moving all day. We have a little apartment - not a lot of room to move about, but I walk to the store now and then. Sometimes, just to get out and walk. It's takes about fifteen minutes to walk to Goodwill and back. And you know once I'm in there, I can't help but look around. There's more time being up, moving.

This is a website that's been very useful to me. http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/
I think it was my brother Dave who told me about this idea, and it's been great. Just follow the instructions and it'll tell you exactly what you need to know about how much you should eat. So easy!

The other thing I've been doing is looking up how many calories are burned doing certain things. For instance, playing the piano for an hour burns around 150-180 calories. Whoa! Something I love doing takes care of my bowl of cereal in the morning! Do a Google search on activities that will burn 200 calories. You'd be surprised at some of the things. Jumping rope for 15 minutes. (Made me wish I had a rope to jump. Haha.) The Wii is a great exercise tool - something like 25-30 minutes of Wii Sports. 20 minutes of Tae-bo! Really? I've been doing Tae-bo for years! I never thought it was that good! If I did Tae-bo instead of walking during my nightly episode, I'd burn 400 calories.

This has helped me be way more motivated to do house work. I love efficiency and getting my house clean and my body thinner at the same time is awesome. Somehow, I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me before that it would make such a difference. I guess I just didn't realize that things like standing for half an hour could burn as much as 55 calories. Standing!

My advice for anyone reading this who might want to lose weight: First, figure out how much you eat. That alone may be enough motivation to get you started. Second, go to that BMR website and figure out how many calories you're using and how much you should cut back. I tried to cut back a LOT, and it was harder because then I was hungry all the time. Pick something that you think will work best with your temperament. If you want faster results, you're going to want to cut down to fewer calories. If you're willing to take the time, cut back the calories in increments of maybe a month at a time, until you get to where you should be.

Now for the exercise part: Just get up. Do work around the house. If your house is clean, how's the garage? What about a closet that needs to be cleared out and reorganized? Get out and go for a 45-minute walk with your sweetie or take the kids to the park. You don't have to move fast. Just spend time moving INSTEAD of sitting. Watch TV at night? Get up and walk in place. Do lots of reading? Get up and mull about.

I've taken to walking in place when I read. I sit at my computer enough, so I didn't want to have to sit while I read too. If you purpose to do the little things to help you lose weight, you'll find that much more is getting done, and your metabolism will get used to running all the time. And THAT, I believe, is the key to weight loss. The easiest time I ever had losing weight, was when I'd been walking, swimming, or riding my bike regularly for a year.

Realizations

I think there are few in things in life as satisfying as realizing that something that happened years ago that you couldn't understand, helped prepare you for something later on that you would face.

For instance, when I was living with my parents between 17-21 (ish), I would randomly have nights where I wouldn't be able to sleep. I just would not be tired in body or mind. I would lie in bed for an hour or two waiting to get tired, but it just wasn't happening. So then I'd get up. At two or three in the morning.

Often what I did during this time was clean my room a bit. I would have some energy to burn off - I needed to DO something. So I'd clean and organize and straighten things up.

Now, for someone who's rather aware of the statuses of the rest of the people in the house, this was not a terribly easy thing to do. Straightening requires moving things about. Dusting (which is usually what got done in the wee hours of the morning) requires, at least, picking things up off a shelf and then putting them back down. When the house is silent, when you share a 100 year old wall with your light-sleeping parents, you tend to want to be very quiet when doing anything.

I never knew why I couldn't sleep those nights. I would wonder about it; I would wonder if there was something specific that I needed to be praying about and would spend some time in prayer. And while I fully believe there was an immediate reason for it, it's so cool realizing there was a much longer-term reason as well.

I would have never guessed it was so I would learn what I can and can't clean and do it quietly. But the fact of the matter is that it's coming in handy when my husband works nights and needs to sleep, and we're having company over later in the afternoon. ;)

And that was a fun and reassuring realization that I had this morning. Even the itty bitty details of our lives, that we may never understand, have a purpose - and being God's children, that purpose is for our good and for His glory. :)