It's raining again. And windy. I like it. It reminds me of home. And of days with my little sister. I get to go home soon for a visit. Not SOON, soon, but soon. :)
One day while we were jumping on our trampoline, it was windy and we came up with a song together. It's our song. Someday when she's all grown up we'll probably laugh about it and she'll wonder how we were so silly. But for now, it's our song.
It's hard to write when things don't change much. It's almost my birthday and it doesn't feel like it could be. It's weird living here. The seasons aren't the same so in a way, I feel like time is never going by. Months pass and I wonder, "Where did that go?" Michigan weather makes things more exciting, I must say. Haha. Maybe we'll get an earthquake this year and that will be an event to mark off time.
I've started posting my compositions on Grooveshark. If you know my real name, you should be able to search for me on there (without needing to make a profile or anything) and find them all. I still haven't come up with what to do about the songs with lyrics. . . . I need a way to put the words up in time with the music - like on a Youtube video - but I don't know how to make a Youtube video. Haha. Plus, I don't much like YouTube.
And for the comment on two posts ago - wish I knew who you were, but thanks for commenting anyway. :) It's rare that this blog gets any traffic.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
My Friend
I posted this once and then took it down because I wasn't sure about some things. I think it'll be okay though. As I posted a bit ago, I started a new blog and you can read all the back story there. But that was mostly after the grieving. THIS is about the grieving, about how I felt for days after I heard about my friend.
It's broken up into lines of ten, not for any poetical reasons but just because it's long and I thought it'd be easier to read that way. Most of it works out well, but there's a place or two where the break is awkward - sorry. It's actually the longest poem I've ever written to date.
My Friend
I sit and sigh; I hold my head
I sit here wondering what's been said.
How long has it gone on this way?
How much more have I missed today?
My heart is grieved; my tears are spent
Ash on my face; my clothes are rent
Worse than death, the verdict came
Will things ever be the same?
Is she lost for good, for bad?
When I think of her, will I always be sad?
O Lord, my friend! My friend has run!
She turned away; she fled the Son
Away from Light, away from right,
She ran from You; she had no sight.
My friend has gone the way of fools
Because of Pharisees and all their rules
Because she could not love Your bride
The Church, with Her she could not side.
O Lord, my heart feels torn in two
My eyes, they burn; what should I do?
My grief, it threatens to hold me down
To push me under, to make me drown
My friend! my friend! I've been remiss
I was not there when you betrayed with a kiss
You left the only Way, turned back
My absence made it easier to pack.
Yet I know, it's in God's plan
I can do nothing, but I know He can.
The whole thing rests in His able hand
To save you is not His command
To me; for He's the only One
Who can stop the world and create the sun
Joshua asked and God gave a day
If I cry, will He show you the way?
If I beg and pray and plead?
Will He give you what you need?
I cannot say; I don't know yet
But that He can is not a bet.
And though I feel the loss so strong
To doubt His love would add wrong to wrong
I love you always, my dear friend
I'll pray for you til I meet my end.
Should you shun me, turn away
I'll never give up on you that way
O Lord, You answer all our prayers
You've promised to bear our sorrows and cares
Please help my friend; she needs You so
Please make her want to You to go
As she ran away from You
Pull her back as You can do
And in the mean time help me be
The very best friend, as You've been to me.
Help me show her Who You are
Let me not Your image mar
In my pain and in my grief
Let me find in You relief
O Lord, she does not understand
How You guide us with Your hand
That Your way is not a weight
Your burden's light! You are the gate
Out of slavery to sin
Out of bondage to fit in
Into light and into truth
Into love, not tooth for tooth
You give us freedom from the Fall
You give it freely to one and all
Who call on You and trust Your will
Wou love You, who cannot get their fill
It's not a burden to do what You ask
When we love You most, our first task
She does not know how it can be
How we could want to be slaves to Thee
She thinks that we have been deceived
That we don't know what we've received
That we did not count the cost
Ironic, since she's the one who's lost
How well we know the price You paid!
Your very life for us You laid
At the cross; You gave it up
You drank the wrath, the entire cup!
It's she who does not want to know
For that's how we can love You so
How we're happy to be Your slave
It's all because of what You gave
Not just a slave, but also a child
With a Father to take us out of the wild
Open her heart to see You true
Show her all that You can do
Help her in the quest for what's real
Your presence let her come to feel
You alone are reality
You alone can make us see
For me, I pray You'd make me strong
For the battle, whether short or long
Keep me from falling all apart
Help my grief and hold my heart
Thank You, Lord, for all You do
For loving me, and making me love You.
Lord Jesus, You're my greatest Friend
You're with me forever; there will be no end.
You'll never leave me, never betray
Always love me, 'cause that's Your way.
2-1-12
It's broken up into lines of ten, not for any poetical reasons but just because it's long and I thought it'd be easier to read that way. Most of it works out well, but there's a place or two where the break is awkward - sorry. It's actually the longest poem I've ever written to date.
My Friend
I sit and sigh; I hold my head
I sit here wondering what's been said.
How long has it gone on this way?
How much more have I missed today?
My heart is grieved; my tears are spent
Ash on my face; my clothes are rent
Worse than death, the verdict came
Will things ever be the same?
Is she lost for good, for bad?
When I think of her, will I always be sad?
O Lord, my friend! My friend has run!
She turned away; she fled the Son
Away from Light, away from right,
She ran from You; she had no sight.
My friend has gone the way of fools
Because of Pharisees and all their rules
Because she could not love Your bride
The Church, with Her she could not side.
O Lord, my heart feels torn in two
My eyes, they burn; what should I do?
My grief, it threatens to hold me down
To push me under, to make me drown
My friend! my friend! I've been remiss
I was not there when you betrayed with a kiss
You left the only Way, turned back
My absence made it easier to pack.
Yet I know, it's in God's plan
I can do nothing, but I know He can.
The whole thing rests in His able hand
To save you is not His command
To me; for He's the only One
Who can stop the world and create the sun
Joshua asked and God gave a day
If I cry, will He show you the way?
If I beg and pray and plead?
Will He give you what you need?
I cannot say; I don't know yet
But that He can is not a bet.
And though I feel the loss so strong
To doubt His love would add wrong to wrong
I love you always, my dear friend
I'll pray for you til I meet my end.
Should you shun me, turn away
I'll never give up on you that way
O Lord, You answer all our prayers
You've promised to bear our sorrows and cares
Please help my friend; she needs You so
Please make her want to You to go
As she ran away from You
Pull her back as You can do
And in the mean time help me be
The very best friend, as You've been to me.
Help me show her Who You are
Let me not Your image mar
In my pain and in my grief
Let me find in You relief
O Lord, she does not understand
How You guide us with Your hand
That Your way is not a weight
Your burden's light! You are the gate
Out of slavery to sin
Out of bondage to fit in
Into light and into truth
Into love, not tooth for tooth
You give us freedom from the Fall
You give it freely to one and all
Who call on You and trust Your will
Wou love You, who cannot get their fill
It's not a burden to do what You ask
When we love You most, our first task
She does not know how it can be
How we could want to be slaves to Thee
She thinks that we have been deceived
That we don't know what we've received
That we did not count the cost
Ironic, since she's the one who's lost
How well we know the price You paid!
Your very life for us You laid
At the cross; You gave it up
You drank the wrath, the entire cup!
It's she who does not want to know
For that's how we can love You so
How we're happy to be Your slave
It's all because of what You gave
Not just a slave, but also a child
With a Father to take us out of the wild
Open her heart to see You true
Show her all that You can do
Help her in the quest for what's real
Your presence let her come to feel
You alone are reality
You alone can make us see
For me, I pray You'd make me strong
For the battle, whether short or long
Keep me from falling all apart
Help my grief and hold my heart
Thank You, Lord, for all You do
For loving me, and making me love You.
Lord Jesus, You're my greatest Friend
You're with me forever; there will be no end.
You'll never leave me, never betray
Always love me, 'cause that's Your way.
2-1-12
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Recognition
Recognition is one of those topics that, for whatever reason, just makes me laugh. I don't know precisely why, but there's just something funny about thinking about it. It's like. . . when you think about the thing that you really wanted when you were a little kid and have to laugh because of how silly or cute or naive it was. That's how the topic of recognition strikes me.
There are two obvious sides to it - the giving side and the receiving side - but there's another aspect that's a little less obvious, the working side. I'm probably going to focus mostly on the receiving and the working because those are the parts that make me giggle. And I like giggling. :P
I don't usually look for recognition. I know that I have in the past - often when I'm not walking very closely with the Lord Jesus. It's not generally one of those sins that I have a problem with, wanting to be noticed, looking for approval from others. I don't often feel unappreciated. Maybe it's because I never really have been or maybe it's because I don't really care - I think it's a bit of both. Most of the time, I don't care if people think that I did a good job at something; so why would I care if they tell me that they think I did a good job? Most of the time, the only thing I'm thinking about is wondering if I'm doing an OKAY job at something. I struggle a lot more with the worrying about doing things wrong than the wondering if people are going to recognize me for doing things well.
So it kind of strikes me funny when people get all tangled up in not being appreciated. Or when they get all tangled up in trying to get more recognition for what they have done/are doing. (The working for it side.) It seems to be very common. People want to be popular. They want oodles of friends and for all their friends to look up to them. What kind of sense does that even make??? If ALL of your friends look up to you, who are you going to learn from?
The working for it part is probably the funniest of it all. The things people do because they're concerned about other people disapproving or not taking notice. For one thing, as Christians, we ought to KNOW we're going to be disapproved of - for one reason or another. Either we're going to be salt and light in the world and the world will disapprove; or we're going to be stagnant and God (and those walking with Him) will disapprove. Obviously, there is a difference in how it comes out, but that's pretty much the way it is.
As for the taking notice. . . You know, there are a lot of people who I really doubt WORKED to be noticed. They didn't work on expanding their platform; they didn't work on making themselves "marketable." (I hate that term when applied to Christianity by the way.) They just did what they thought was right, didn't worry about how many people noticed, and GOD gave the increase. Maybe quickly. Maybe slowly. But that wasn't their concern. Their concern wasn't growing their sphere of influence in order to be more influential. Their concern was helping people, was spreading the Gospel.
Now, I get that you can try to grow your influence for the purpose of reaching more people for God. HOWEVER, that is NOT how it comes across a lot of times, and it's very hard to believe a lot of times for one simple reason - the people aren't working nearly as hard to spread the Gospel to the people they already can influence. They're working harder to get more influence than they are to influence the people they already are in touch with. Doesn't that look like wrong priorities? It does to me.
I don't have anyone specific in mind - just some things that I've seen from different people. I've been writing blogs for a long time. I don't ever advertise them. Maybe I should, but I kind of figure that if God wants someone to see what's here - they're GOING to see what's here.
There are two obvious sides to it - the giving side and the receiving side - but there's another aspect that's a little less obvious, the working side. I'm probably going to focus mostly on the receiving and the working because those are the parts that make me giggle. And I like giggling. :P
I don't usually look for recognition. I know that I have in the past - often when I'm not walking very closely with the Lord Jesus. It's not generally one of those sins that I have a problem with, wanting to be noticed, looking for approval from others. I don't often feel unappreciated. Maybe it's because I never really have been or maybe it's because I don't really care - I think it's a bit of both. Most of the time, I don't care if people think that I did a good job at something; so why would I care if they tell me that they think I did a good job? Most of the time, the only thing I'm thinking about is wondering if I'm doing an OKAY job at something. I struggle a lot more with the worrying about doing things wrong than the wondering if people are going to recognize me for doing things well.
So it kind of strikes me funny when people get all tangled up in not being appreciated. Or when they get all tangled up in trying to get more recognition for what they have done/are doing. (The working for it side.) It seems to be very common. People want to be popular. They want oodles of friends and for all their friends to look up to them. What kind of sense does that even make??? If ALL of your friends look up to you, who are you going to learn from?
The working for it part is probably the funniest of it all. The things people do because they're concerned about other people disapproving or not taking notice. For one thing, as Christians, we ought to KNOW we're going to be disapproved of - for one reason or another. Either we're going to be salt and light in the world and the world will disapprove; or we're going to be stagnant and God (and those walking with Him) will disapprove. Obviously, there is a difference in how it comes out, but that's pretty much the way it is.
As for the taking notice. . . You know, there are a lot of people who I really doubt WORKED to be noticed. They didn't work on expanding their platform; they didn't work on making themselves "marketable." (I hate that term when applied to Christianity by the way.) They just did what they thought was right, didn't worry about how many people noticed, and GOD gave the increase. Maybe quickly. Maybe slowly. But that wasn't their concern. Their concern wasn't growing their sphere of influence in order to be more influential. Their concern was helping people, was spreading the Gospel.
Now, I get that you can try to grow your influence for the purpose of reaching more people for God. HOWEVER, that is NOT how it comes across a lot of times, and it's very hard to believe a lot of times for one simple reason - the people aren't working nearly as hard to spread the Gospel to the people they already can influence. They're working harder to get more influence than they are to influence the people they already are in touch with. Doesn't that look like wrong priorities? It does to me.
I don't have anyone specific in mind - just some things that I've seen from different people. I've been writing blogs for a long time. I don't ever advertise them. Maybe I should, but I kind of figure that if God wants someone to see what's here - they're GOING to see what's here.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
A Song
So I've been feeling bad about neglecting this blog and I decided to post a song that I wrote a little while ago. It's one that I like better than most. I named it "Praise Him."
Praise Him
Praise Him all ye that adore Him
Jesus, Lord, Emmanuel
King of kings, the Christ, our Savior
Praise Him loud, His glory tell
Chorus:
Alleluia! God descended
Alleluia! Conquered death
Alleluia! Christ is risen!
Alleluia! Jesus saves!
Praise the Master of Creation
Son of God and Friend of Man
Praise the Holy One of Israel
Praise the awesome, great I AM!
Lift your voices, lift your heart's song
Sing and fill the earth and sky
Praise the Lamb for He is worthy
Praise Him, He Who came to die!
Praise Him
Praise Him all ye that adore Him
Jesus, Lord, Emmanuel
King of kings, the Christ, our Savior
Praise Him loud, His glory tell
Chorus:
Alleluia! God descended
Alleluia! Conquered death
Alleluia! Christ is risen!
Alleluia! Jesus saves!
Praise the Master of Creation
Son of God and Friend of Man
Praise the Holy One of Israel
Praise the awesome, great I AM!
Lift your voices, lift your heart's song
Sing and fill the earth and sky
Praise the Lamb for He is worthy
Praise Him, He Who came to die!
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