My Friend

I posted this once and then took it down because I wasn't sure about some things. I think it'll be okay though. As I posted a bit ago, I started a new blog and you can read all the back story there. But that was mostly after the grieving. THIS is about the grieving, about how I felt for days after I heard about my friend.

It's broken up into lines of ten, not for any poetical reasons but just because it's long and I thought it'd be easier to read that way. Most of it works out well, but there's a place or two where the break is awkward - sorry. It's actually the longest poem I've ever written to date.


My Friend

I sit and sigh; I hold my head
I sit here wondering what's been said.
How long has it gone on this way?
How much more have I missed today?
My heart is grieved; my tears are spent
Ash on my face; my clothes are rent
Worse than death, the verdict came
Will things ever be the same?
Is she lost for good, for bad?
When I think of her, will I always be sad?

O Lord, my friend! My friend has run!
She turned away; she fled the Son
Away from Light, away from right,
She ran from You; she had no sight.
My friend has gone the way of fools
Because of Pharisees and all their rules
Because she could not love Your bride
The Church, with Her she could not side.
O Lord, my heart feels torn in two
My eyes, they burn; what should I do?

My grief, it threatens to hold me down
To push me under, to make me drown
My friend! my friend! I've been remiss
I was not there when you betrayed with a kiss
You left the only Way, turned back
My absence made it easier to pack.
Yet I know, it's in God's plan
I can do nothing, but I know He can.
The whole thing rests in His able hand
To save you is not His command

To me; for He's the only One
Who can stop the world and create the sun
Joshua asked and God gave a day
If I cry, will He show you the way?
If I beg and pray and plead?
Will He give you what you need?
I cannot say; I don't know yet
But that He can is not a bet.
And though I feel the loss so strong
To doubt His love would add wrong to wrong

I love you always, my dear friend
I'll pray for you til I meet my end.
Should you shun me, turn away
I'll never give up on you that way
O Lord, You answer all our prayers
You've promised to bear our sorrows and cares
Please help my friend; she needs You so
Please make her want to You to go
As she ran away from You
Pull her back as You can do

And in the mean time help me be
The very best friend, as You've been to me.
Help me show her Who You are
Let me not Your image mar
In my pain and in my grief
Let me find in You relief
O Lord, she does not understand
How You guide us with Your hand
That Your way is not a weight
Your burden's light! You are the gate

Out of slavery to sin
Out of bondage to fit in
Into light and into truth
Into love, not tooth for tooth
You give us freedom from the Fall
You give it freely to one and all
Who call on You and trust Your will
Wou love You, who cannot get their fill
It's not a burden to do what You ask
When we love You most, our first task

She does not know how it can be
How we could want to be slaves to Thee
She thinks that we have been deceived
That we don't know what we've received
That we did not count the cost
Ironic, since she's the one who's lost
How well we know the price You paid!
Your very life for us You laid
At the cross; You gave it up
You drank the wrath, the entire cup!

It's she who does not want to know
For that's how we can love You so
How we're happy to be Your slave
It's all because of what You gave
Not just a slave, but also a child
With a Father to take us out of the wild
Open her heart to see You true
Show her all that You can do
Help her in the quest for what's real
Your presence let her come to feel

You alone are reality
You alone can make us see
For me, I pray You'd make me strong
For the battle, whether short or long
Keep me from falling all apart
Help my grief and hold my heart
Thank You, Lord, for all You do
For loving me, and making me love You.
Lord Jesus, You're my greatest Friend
You're with me forever; there will be no end.

You'll never leave me, never betray
Always love me, 'cause that's Your way.

2-1-12