Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Some like it hot, some like it cold.

Us girls - Katie, Mom, and I - went out to Burger King tonight for dessert. Katie got hershey pie. Mom got hot apple pie. I got a shake. I just have to say, Icecream pwns pie. Cold pwns hot. In my opinion. ;) I very much dislike coffee. Iced coffee? It's not so bad, and rather addictive. But I digress. Icecream is dessert perfected.

Dave blogged yesterday about gossip and staying out of other people's business. He has a point that gossip is wrong and such, but I have to wonder. What exactly is gossip? Because it can't just be talking about other people. If it were, all prayer requests given during a Prayer Meeting would be sin. That's gossip! Telling other people I especially need prayer at this time.

Wait, no, it isn't gossip. That's thoughtful and kind. It's part of watching out for each other and loving each other. There's a difference between: A) taking care of other people, B) talking about other people, and C) sharing with other people. A: Taking care of them is taking them on as your responsibility. As Dave pointed out, I'm enough of a responsibiliy for me without having to worry about you or anyone else. (However, this doesn't discount the fact that sometimes we need someone to come along and lovingly point out some problems in our lives. It's a necessary thing because we don't see ourselves clearly.) B: Talking about other people would be gossip in my opinion. It's talking for the sake of talking, which I'm against pretty much completely. There's a verse in the Bible, unfortunately I can't remember it at the moment about counting your words or making sure they all mean something. It's people who need to talk just to talk who end up talking about other people. They don't care what they're saying or who they're saying it to. They're just talking. And that, I believe, is gossip.

C: Sharing, on the other hand, is a good thing and a necessary thing if there is to be any trust, any friendship, any love. You can't love someone you don't know. You may think you love them, but because you don't know them, you don't really love them. You love the idea of them that you have in your head. You can't get to know someone without talking to them and hearing about them. Sharing is telling facts about yourself or others in a loving way, not for the sake of speaking, but because someone is genuinely interested. Sharing would be me telling Kaylynn a funny/cute story about Dave when we were little. Sharing would be mentioning to your roommates at college that someone from your home church needs prayer. Sharing would be me telling Mom that my friend is having a rough time working three jobs and is feeling depressed and needs prayer. These are good things. These are things that help us get to know each other, that develop trust and the ability to fellowship and to love.

And specifically, as to talking about people. . . . There is no reason why many things should be kept secret or wished to be kept secret. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to tell my cousins what's going on with my brothers or the other way around. We're all Christians. We love each other. We've grown up together. We're adults now. We should be able to trust each other enough to tell each other our greatest goals and failures, pure enough of heart to share the depths of our souls, and loving enough that if someone does, we don't mock, scorn, or hurt them. We should be able to question each other's motives without being condemning or someone getting defensive. We should be able to test each other's knowledge without making the lesser feel inferior. We should be able to be mature, wise as serpents and harmless as doves. We were raised in godly homes by godly parents. We grew up in God's Church, lead by godly men. We were taught how to read from the Bible.
We have had so many advantages. We've been taught well. We've been so blessed of God. It really shouldn't be hard for us to do these things.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Family

I miss everybody who doesn't come to the regular gatherings anymore. I miss Uncle Phil and Aunt Amy and their kids. And where were Uncle Pete and Vanessa this year? What about Pete Jr. and family and all of Andy's? I miss the extra friends who used to come, like Carl. He was cool. It was nice to see Phil Lowe at the Fourth this year. We haven't had any non-related persons for a long time it seems.

My teeth hurt. But my feet are better! :) It did work, by the way. I went to sleep and woke up and tada! I'm healed. ;)

I wish I could write more consistantly. I probably could if I put more effort into developing an outline or something. Or at least having it set in my head. . . . That would probably be a big help, eh? Knowing where the story is going next. Hehehe.

I bought the other two books in the triology that Mike got me started on. The second book is basically split in half with two storylines and jumps back and forth. It's really hard to read because I love the one and don't care at all about the other. I think they're starting to converge a bit though, and that will be interesting. It's also weird because the second book is set about sixty years before the first book. Then the third one happens right after the first one. Anyway. This one has Thrawn in it. :D Woot! (No, Mom, that wasn't an owl sound. . . ) ;)

Marriage is the easy way out for me, I think. No wonder I want it.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Then I'd be like, "Ow, it's my foot!"

The above quote was from Homestarrunner.com. And yes, it was related. I hurt my foot today. How? I don't know. . . But it sure hurts if I put any pressure on it a certain way. Thankfully, that doesn't prevent me from putting pressure on it other ways. Therefore, I should be okay. Hopefully it won't get worse throughout the week. Actually, I'm hoping that I go to sleep tonight and wake up to it being fine tomorrow. Sleep is powerful like that.

Mike has a good point about insanity. I fully agree. That's what makes Conspiracy Theory such a good movie. Crazy Mel Gibson. :)

Dave needs to blog again. Something. . . less wordy, but just as informative. ;)

We watched "We Were Soldiers" the other day. . . I was fine with all the people dying. I was fine with people getting blown up. I was fine with the shot of the guy burning. I wasn't fine with someone trying to help the guy who'd been burnt and his legs starting to fall off. . . . That really bothered me. In fact, it kinda ruined the entire movie. . . That and the one line after the battle that Mel Gibson had about never forgiving himself for outliving his men. I didn't like the line. But the movie had a lot of great characters.

So I'm hopefully getting my wisdom teeth out soon. They're pushing my other teeth around and it's driving me crazy. . . Like all the time, every day. I feel as if all my bottom teeth are way too far forward.

I think I compartmentalize things too much. But at the same time, it's rather useful. . . And I kind of like that I do it. . . /shrug

I don't know what to do about school. I have enough money on my own for the first required payment. That leaves about five thousand dollars that I don't have. . . The thing is, I'm not sure that I'm supposed to go back to school. And there are things that I want to do at home. At the same time, I want to be there because of the people. I made friends. . . I miss Paula and Sarah Stepp and Steph. But are they worth $8,500? I think it's more that I'm not supposed to be here in Edmore than anything else. Working at McDonald's. That's NOT what I'm supposed to do for another year and a half. . . Relatively certain anyway. What I am supposed to do is another matter. . .

I want to go on a missionary trip. I've always been interested in it. But where to go? What are my options?

The new Batman movie was okay, but it was lacking in the whole Batman department. He wasn't as cool, he didn't have as many witty lines, he didn't do as much, and just all around was like a supporting role, rather than the main character. I'd say more specifically, but I don't want to spoil it.

Church tonight. :) I don't know what I'm going to sing. . . . You'd think out of like four hundred songs that the rest of the church doesn't know, I could think of something. . . . And yet! . . . . Okay, maybe only three hundred they don't know.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Korax Tavarius Part Deux

Korax lay on his bed, unable to sleep. It was often that way after a battle. Not because he felt regrets or guilt, but rather because battles were generally all the same, and he always marvelled at it. He used the same movements and the same skill. The setting would change, the faces and armor, but the precision of his sword remained the same. The timing and reactions, they did not change. It was, in a way, comforting, and though he'd mulled it over many times, it was still intruiging to him. Battle was always battle, and it had been since he'd been a common soldier fighting in another man's war. Of course, he hadn't remained common for very long.

His thoughts turned to the mental images of the faces of the men he'd slain sometimes for his own cause, but usually for the purposes of someone he'd never met and never wanted to meet. He did his job, and he excelled at it. His long-dead wife, noticing his unrest after a battle, had once asked him if it bothered him. His answer had frightened her. No, it didn't bother him. He didn't let it. He had seen men go mad from the guilt of killing a boy who shouldn't have been allowed in the ranks; seen his fellow soldiers lose their focus because they hesitated to take their enemy's life. No, he felt no guilt. He felt nothing when he went to battle, and so he felt nothing about a battle. There was no emotion, no feelings in his movements. There was focus, precision, awareness. Emotions did not win wars. Tavarius had learned long ago to snuff them out before he went to battle.

When he'd been younger it had been more of a struggle, so he'd come up with a sort of code. He killed only soldiers or those who had attacked him. Soldiers had been trained, and somewhere in the masses of armies, there ought to be one man or a group of men who could combine their tactics against him and conquer him. In fact, Korax held that he ought to have died in every battle, but the men he fought were afraid or unprepared - two things a soldier could not ever afford to be.
Once in the midst of battle, it had occured to him distantly that the men he was slaughtering probably had families who were depending on them to provide, and thus, he was breaking his own code. In his detatched state though, the thought slid by unheeded and never came back when it might have found a foothold in his conscience to challenge his code.

Blinking in the darkness, Korax stopped the reel of faces that was playing in his mind and turned onto his side, removing the battle from his thoughts. It still wasn't eliciting emotion from him, but remembering would keep him awake and rest was necessary. Closing his eyes, he silenced all thought and soon slipped into a dreamless sleep.


I read through this again, and it seemed kind of redundant to me. . . Oh, well. Seeing as he's not even in a story yet, everything will probably get rewritten anyway.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

And they all went marching down into the ground to get out of the rain!

My brother bought me a book three days ago from Goodwill. It was really cool, very unexpected and very much appreciated. It was a Star Wars book by Timothy Zahn. I like the way he writes. It's quick and simple, easy to read and understand, but it's like every word counts. They all have a reason for being, no elaborate sentences that you can just skip. Trust me, I started to do it accidentally (I have a tendency to skip to the dialogue. . . ), and it wasn't working so well. Anyway. I finished it today. I read half of it the first day I got it. Not that it was an amazing book, but it was intruiging and it had hints of Thrawn (one of my favorite-ist "villains". I don't really count him as a villain though, because he didn't seem evil to me. He was just on the wrong side of the war. . . That's all.) Anyway. It was cool, and mysterious. So thanks, Mike. :)

As usual when I do a large amount of reading in a short amount of time, I now want to write. Thankfully, I have a topic. Korax. His character needs to be expanded and explored. Defined. I have an impression of him in my head, but it needs words and definition. So hopefully, I'll get a bit o' work done on that. I have a SW fanfic type thing that I should finish too. Mostly for the sake of finishing it. And my friend Robin has read most of what I have done on it and she read the prequel to this one, so . . . . I should really probably get it done, eh? Yeah. I'll try.

I didn't sleep well last night. I think it's because I traded shifts today with Katie, but I don't know why it would bother me so much. . . Maybe it's because I didn't really have a good reason other than not wanting to get up at 5am again. . . I don't know. It was bothering me last night and then it bothered me today. But I don't know why. . . Hmm. Because I need money for school? It was only two hours of work. . . . I just don't get it. . .

I was supposed to practice the piano this afternoon and I didn't. . . . Not good. I don't have anything remotely ready for Sunday and that only leaves me with two days. It's hard to come up with a special every week. . . I could play for the regular song-service forever. I love that. It's the specials that bog me down. . . It's not that I dislike them. I always thought they should be more of a choice though, something that someone wants to do. And sometimes I do. Every week makes it feel like a job. And somewhat of a stressful one. . . . Maybe that's my fault. Maybe I'm not willing enough or something. . . Maybe I'm just lazy.

Robin invited me to be in her wedding. It's not going to be for a year and a half or something, so I think that's plenty of time. Then again, I have this suspicion it won't work out. For some reason. Not their wedding; pretty sure they're getting married. Just me being there.

I find it weird that some people love dreams, like talking about dreams and hearing about other people's dreams, and then there are people who say they hardly ever dream, can't stand to talk about or hear about dreams, and generally think dreams are rather pointless. It just seems weird. And I feel bad for the people who don't like them. I find them fascinating. . . And often, inspiring or revealing.

Hopefully next time I post, I'll have some more character definiton on Korax down. :) I still think he's awesome. . . Anybody who's that good? It's like Thrawn. He's just incredibly smart. Actions and motives are different and easily condemnable. But the raw ability and genius. . . THAT is admirable.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

44 Posts

The weekend is over. Back to work in seven hours. I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I'm plenty tired; I just don't want to go to bed. Because that means my mini vacation is over. It makes me sad. And my Aunt and Uncle are leaving tomorrow. That makes me sad too. It was awesome to have them around so much. Never felt so close to them as this get together. It was really nice. It made me wary though. Last time I got real close to an Uncle suddenly like that, he died. Still made it one of the best years of my life though. Up until November anyway.

My cousin called me today. It was nice. We hadn't talked since I came home from school, but while I was out there we talked (for a long period of time) at least once a week. Often more than that. I missed her. I missed hearing about her life and friends and just everything. She can talk a lot. I like it. I've always liked people who talk a lot. I think it's 'cause I don't know how to do that. Well, more like I don't trust very many people that much. So I don't talk to them that much. Sometimes I feel like Mr. Darcy - once you lose my good favor it's nearly impossible to regain it. I try not to be that way too much.

Will is awesome. So are Alice and Sophia, but Will is awesome. I want boys when I get married. Lots of little boys. I'm afraid of having girls.

So my Uncle was talking about his book. It sounded so amazingly sweet. They should make a movie about it, seriously. It'd be so cool. Anyway. I had this timeline I'd worked out a while ago, but I'd never gotten a story going from it. I just kind of had the setting, but I knew it was missing something very important. I couldn't figure out what it was, but it just wasn't interesting enough to me. Well, because his book was so sweet, it got my imagination going again, and I started figuring out all kinds of things. It was cool. And fun. Then I got tired, and it sort of died. . . . But I got some stuff done, which was neat. I still don't have much of a story though. Just a setting mostly. Usually I start with characters and then make the setting around them, so this is different. Maybe it'll work better.

I like Korax. My Uncle thinks he's evil. And he is, but how are you judging him? By the Bible? If so, then Korax is no more evil than the guy who owns the tavern he's staying in, 'cause that guy isn't saved either, and he doesn't feel bad about ignoring God every day of his life either. Korax does have a code though. He wouldn't kill children. But soldiers? He kind of figures they should be able to defend themselves, and if they can't, too bad for them. Women. . . He'd only kill one if he had to in order to save himself. Kind of like Mat Cauthon. He didn't want to kill the Aiel lady, but she was trying to kill him. Korax isn't a womanizer though, so really, is he better than Mat? Or do the mass slaughterings make him worse? In a world without God, everything IS relative. Every man does that which is right in his own eyes, and there is no perfect Creator to stop them.

I made up a world once where the gods were more like the mythological beings. Where they messed with mankind for their enjoyment because they were stronger. It got kind of twisted and weird. I stopped writing it. The main character of that? Now she was evil. Wicked through and through.

Anywho. I must needs be off to bed. As it is, I'm going to feel like Death in the morning. Much love to all who read. Unless I don't know you. . . Comments are welcome in case you're wondering. ;)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

It must be Wind's Day again

It's storming outside. :) Rain in the summer makes me happy. You know what else makes me happy? Uncles who send bonuses for being the first to comment. =D How I love our capitalist thinking. Mike V, socialism rots. lol

So I keep getting my work schedule mixed up. Which is rather odd because it's right there written on the paper and I just have to read it. But I think I figured it out. See, I have absolutely no stress about work. Nothing to worry about at all. It's all easy. Most people like me, and the people who don't, I disliked first, so I don't really care. Therefore, since I have no stress, I give it very little thought. And when I give it little thought, I don't pay attention to what hours I'm really working.

I had another motorcycle lesson last night. I got into second shift. :) It's soooo amazingly awesome. I love motorcycles. I wonder if Mom would freak out if I bought one at some point. . . . It's a fun thought. I should probably practice a lot more with the starting up though. Shifting really isn't that hard. It's actually pretty easy if you're thinking about it. But I think I killed it about five times last night trying to get started. Yeah, not so great.

I want to see Iron Man. Mike keeps going on and on about it, and I still haven't seen it. King Henry V is a great movie. Just to say that. Such great speeches. The one at the end where he's trying to woo Kate it awesome. If only people still talked like that. . . . . I think it's funny how he goes on and on in English even though she can't understand it. Hehehe. Ah, I like that movie.

I'm supposed to sing something for church tonight, but I don't know what. Hmm. I'll figure it out. I always do.

Isn't Mike funny? I think he's pretty funny. It's like a talent, I think. I can play the piano. Mike makes people laugh.
. . . . . What does Dave do? ;)

Hogan's Heroes has been on TV lately. It's a funny show that reminds me of when we were little. (Not the show. . . We used to watch it when we were little at Grandma's house.) Makes me want to see Animaniacs too. Hm.

Uncle Matt, Auntie Yuisa, and cousin Will are flying to Michigan tonight. :) It's exciting. They're going to be staying here in town with my pastor. Isn't that cool? Our pastor is so hospitable. Always offering their empty rooms to our extended family. =)