Writing

I miss writing. I don't communicate as well when I stop writing. But that's not really the point. I miss it. It's been a large part of my life for several years.

I probably should have known that I wouldn't be able to write like I was used to, but it just never really occurred to me. I figured that writing was a good thing, a fun thing, a worth-while thing. It wasn't like playing video games or watching TV, where you don't really have anything to show for it at the end. It was productive, like crocheting.

I didn't realize that two years ago would be my last time participating in the National Novel Writing Month. I had to write for several hours every day for the majority of a month in order to do that. Never gonna happen with a kid, but, without really thinking it through, I had planned to take a year off and be back to it this time around.

There have been a few things like that, that I've realized I will probably never be able to do again. I don't regret having Evelynn - she's far and away more valuable than any book I could write. But it takes time to adjust. And often, it takes a little bit of grieving. So this past Monday, I grieved for my writing. I will miss it, but I miss lots of things.

Some of them have been very hard lately. I want so badly to spend a whole year in Michigan again. To experience all four seasons, each in their turn. I miss it all the time, but usually I keep it tucked away in the back. Lately, it doesn't want to stay there.

I miss Michigan. I miss my old people. I miss my family. I miss watching my sister grow up. I miss seeing my dad more than once every other month or so. I miss Fall, watching the maple trees change color, and Winter. I miss raking and shoveling. I miss playing the piano for church. I miss having my own place. I miss being alone for an extended period of time with my husband. I miss quiet. I miss running our household on OUR schedule.

And now I miss writing, too. I'll do it when I can, like we visit Michigan when we can, but just like the visits, it will probably never be enough to satisfy.