Well, it's done.

Christmas is over; the goose is hung; the stockings are burnt; and everyone is sick from eating too much candy and sweets. (Or just plain too much food.) What am I talking about, you ask? I'm not entirely sure, but the previous describes pretty much how I feel about things.

It was good; shorter than most years, but okay. Usually Christmas lasts for like a week. Family Christmas and then going to Grandma's four times to see people. . . . Our Christmas and Grandma's Christmas are too far apart this year. lol Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

Side note: Firefox accepts "gonna" as a real word. Strange, no?

Yesterday was our three month anniversary. :) "Our" refers to Zack and me, obviously. Seriously, how could you NOT know that? You're so whack, Ed. (Get it? /nudge, nudge /wink, wink)

I must be bored. . . . Lots of cleaning to do the next two weeks. My wookumshnookiepums is going to be here in twelve days. Hey! No wonder I was singing twelve days of Christmas this morning in the shower. . . . Ha. Just figured that one out. =D

. . . . Why am I telling you???

It would be really cool if Firefox recognized "wookumshnookiepums" as a real word. Just think about it for a minute - it would.

A note on Football: Tampa Bay beat the Saints??!?!? A 2-12 team beat a 13-1 team. . . . . Crazy. . . . Why can't that happen with the Lions? And the Colts lost today, too. . . . Now no one has a perfect record. . . . It's kind of sad.

Been a while.

So my boyfriend has a blog. :) www.zshrout.blogspot.com

Mom and Dad are going out into a blizzard to get presents. I wasn't serious when I told them to do that. . . . Presents aren't worth getting stuck in a ditch. No, really, they're not. Seriously.

I've noticed something of late. . . . People don't take things that aren't real seriously. Like WoW. People would camp their best friend and expect no hard feelings because it's a game. Because it's not "real." They don't seem to realize that because they are really doing it, even though the venue is make-believe, it's still them doing something unpleasant to their friend.

Now, personally, I was never in the position to camp somebody's dead corpse. I wasn't big on the PvP. I only killed Horde if I really needed to. (Like they had attacked me first.) Generally, if we fought, I died. And I was okay with that. Random person playing on the enemy's side decides to kill me (or attempt to kill me), who cares? I don't know them; it's nothing personal. But had my brother, playing an undead rogue, decided to kill my druid Nienna a few times, knowing it was me - that I have a problem with. I don't understand why someone would do that.

Why do games release people from being nice? "It's just a game!" What does that even mean? It's not real, so my actions don't count? Say what? What you do is real; what you say it real. No, you're not really killing someone. But camping someone is really frustrating to the person being camped. It's meant to be. You are purposefully provoking someone else to anger for your own enjoyment. Lots of people consider that "going too far." But why is that the line? "It's a game, and the rules allow it." Oh, well then. The rules of the game are a higher law than "Be ye kind one to another"?. . . . There's a disconnect that I can't seem to grasp.

Some games are purposefully designed to spur this on. And I think that is why the vast majority of the time I dislike most games. I don't like killing people in WoW; I don't like sending people back to their home in Aggravation. I can't separate my actions in real life from actions in a game because the game is part of real life. I also know that most people don't see it like I do, and that if I say something about it, they think I'm a sore loser or that I'm not playing the game right. Worst of all, I'm not always consistent.

Sometimes, I give in to peer pressure - everyone's trying to stop one person from winning and I can do it. I don't really care if the person wins, but everyone else does. And then there's the whole "I don't know this person, so it's okay." See, I can see that. I can see blasting people you don't know out of the water when they're on the opposite side. (I'm wondering if I shouldn't. Why should it make a difference if I know them or not?) But not when you're playing a game that doesn't require it and especially when you know those people. Certain activities (airsoft and nerf wars, for example) require you to shoot the opposing team. I've no problem with that. That IS the game. But when it's unnecessary, then I don't get it. And I specifically don't get why knowing someone is another excuse for it. It seems to me that the more you care about a person, the less you would put them down. By whatever means, in whatever venue.

Anyway. This is longer than I had intended. . . . Actally, I hadn't planned to write any of this. But lo, I have. And now it's off to the library for me and Kate. :)

La la la

I have a splitting headache and I feel like my eyes should be falling out of my head. lol Not feeling the greatest in any way really. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Some are okay, some are meh, some are just downright ugh.

You know the song Fame And Fortune from Rudolph? He and Hermie sing it. . . . Anyway, whenever I'm in particular physical discomfort, I substitute the words "Pain; Discomfort" for "Fame and Fortune." And then it goes round and round in my head. Probably not good for the headache.

Mike's hilarious. People are silly. I think he'll have a Joss Whedon type o' deal. Write a show that gets cancelled after one season (half a season?) and then make a gazillion dollars on the movie sequel - not because of theatres, but because of DVD sales. The power of devoted fans. ;)

I know this guy who wrote a book. I bought the book because I knew the guy and thought it was cool. The book needed editing. Badly. The name of one of the characters changed to something else (accidentally) and then changed back without any type of explanation. An editing mistake. Anyway, he wrote another book. Do you not say anything? Surely, someone had to tell him that it needed to be edited, right? But really, who wants to chance it and spend the 20-30 dollars on the next book? Is it politeness or lack of caring about the person that keeps you from saying something about it? Hmm. Do you just hope he gets better at it?

Dave - sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I haven't forgotten or anything.

Anyway. I think I need to exit the computer now before my brain explodes. ;)

This week

Is busy and strange and for some reason, it has this weird foreboding feeling to it. I'm not a fan. Of the foreboding feeling. Strange and busy is fine. I think. . . . Maybe it isn't but I just don't want to admit it because that would mean I'm lazy. I don't want to be lazy.

I was asked to sing a song for the Christmas program at church. . . . What to do. I probably should. . . . Not really part of my established comfort zone though. lol And what do I do about accompaniment?! Hey, hey, Mike. =D You know you want a piece of the action. ;) I'll make you cookies? lol Mom? Someone? Please?

(I'd ask Kate, but she's already in the program and will most likely be otherwise busy with lines and costumes. The people who are already doing stuff shouldn't be made to do more stuff. Right? Right.)

I had a bunch of things I was going to write about the other day that now I cannot recall. I wonder if "pregnancy brain" is something I can catch without being pregnant. . . . lol Hmm.

Revelation: I just realized where I get my OCD-ness. lol "Could you get a more uneven number!?" Teehee. :) Mom, you're so cute.

There's this Llama song - very funny. Llama, llama, duck. (If you don't know it, check YouTube.) Have you ever noticed how non-rhyming songs lose their coolness if you just read the lyrics and don't know the tune? It's just completely . . . . Meh. . . . lol I have noticed that recently.

Special Thanks to Mike and Tuesday for breaking their writer's strike and coming back to us. =) I missed you.

A Moral Issue?

The question is as follows: Is it morally wrong to use a version other than the King James Bible?

I find such a proposition impossible. If it were, how many people would we know who are in constant sin? How many on Dad's side of the family use the NIV? What of the Haitians who only have the equivalent of the NIV in their language? Are they doomed because of it?

If it were morally wrong, they could never be right with God. But we know that God doesn't allow His children to remain in unconfessed sin. So either they're not saved, or it's not wrong. I can't believe that Heidi is a Christian and also believe that it's morally wrong to use the NIV over the KJV. Thus, I find it impossible to believe that this is a moral issue.

What, then, is it? A matter of personal preference? A matter of what's best? I don't know how to classify it. If it can't be morally wrong to read the NIV, can it be morally right to read the KJV? Is the person who holds to the KJV automatically a better Christian because of it? Is it impossible to find, by the Holy Spirit's leading, the same theology in the English Standard as you'd find in the King James? Dare we limit Him so, to think that He cannot teach us just as much from one version or another? Or is it that we think He just won't? But why, if it isn't right or wong?

Perhaps, you never thought it was wrong. Perhaps, you still do. For me, I cannot condemn it.

Confusion in the ranks!

Apparently there were some questions about why I would write such a thing about deception in my previous blog post. Basically, because it's true and it was on my mind. I was in no way condoning such action; just stating facts. All cleared up now? ;)

There were a lot of things I was supposed to do, a lot of things I was supposed to talk to people about, a lot of . . . stuff that I was hoping to get done last weekend. . . . lol Yeah. Family get-togethers are not very conducive to productivity. ;) Ah well. Such is the nature of socializing.

I'm hungry. I think my stomach got used to "feasting" mode. . . . Silly tummy. Feasts are for kids!

I don't like this in-between weather. It's not cold enough to need long-sleeves, but it's not warm enough that you're fine in short-sleeves. Booooooo. Oh, also, Steelers? Boooooooo! And a HISS for good measure. ;) Bleh, Ben Rothlisburger. Bleeeeh. (I hope I butchered his ridiculous last name. ;) Haha.)

I'm not at school anymore! =D YAY!

I thought that deserved a little bit of celebration. :) You know what else deserves joyousness? One-month anniversaries. :) How fun. Teehee. :)

It's almost over!

October, that is. :) Yay! I generally prefer October to November, but not this year. Probably not next year either. . . . Hmm. We shall see.

I am poor. No, really. I'm broke. . . . No monies. My car insurance is due soon. I can't pay it. I'm going to go put an application in at the local Burger King. I didn't go there earlier this week because they seem to never be hiring and my brother worked there and gained my family an unhappy reputation with one of the higher ups. But now there's a sign out, so it's definitely worth a shot. :)

Deception is an easy thing. Making up a story and sticking to it and not getting it confused with the facts is really not as hard as TV makes it look. You just have to think it through before implementing it. Ask all the questions yourself before anyone else has the chance. Iron out the kinks.

I have no idea what kind of food Burger King serves. . . . Whoppers. . . . And delicious breakfast sandwiches. . . . Do they even have any chicken??

I keep debating with myself if I should put controversial things on here. And obviously, I keep not doing it. It's not that I'm a chicken. (At least, that's not the only reason. . . .) I just don't know if I could do it well enough without writing a fourteen-page post. And I'm not good at those; I get side-tracked far too easily.

In closing, have a quote that's been on my Facebook for two or three days: Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.

There's a lady bug flying around, bumping into my ceiling. . . . Shh, little Lady Bug! Shh!

Christmas in October?

I've been in a very Christmas-y mood today. It's cold and rainy and if it were only snowing, I would be thrilled. lol Listening to Celtic Woman: A Christmas Celebration isn't helping any, but hey. . . . I like Christmas. And Christmas music is rather emotionally charged. It's nice now and then. :)

My boyfriend gave me an iPod. :)

Unrelatedly, Apple is too complicated. lol ;) Not really. I think my computer has problems though. lol It kept arguing with me. Getting rebellious in it's old age. *tsk, tsk*

So I was working on this duet for two of my piano students. It took quite a while - lots of thought and time and figuring it all out. And now I really doubt it's going to work out. lol Ah, well. I tried, and shall continue to try. Maybe I can make it simpler. . . .

You know what's a weird feeling? Realizing that everything you wanted in general is happening with very sharp details that are nothing like you could have ever expected. It's quite bewildering. It's like saying, "I wish I had a car," and six years later a shiny, red convertible rolls into your driveway for no apparent reason. Lots of things go through your head (all completely monotone because of the shock). "Where did this come from? . . . . Cool, a CD player. . . . I was thinking green. . . . Convertibles aren't much use in the winter. . . . Oo, leather seats. . . ." etc. etc.

Truly, deeply loathing. . . .

Private joke there, sorry for most of you. lol

So I'm home from California. It's nice to be home - I like my room and my bed and Michigan. And I also miss being there. Not that I miss CA, mind you - I don't. It's hot and crowded. Also, expensive. Though not for me. . . . Hm. I went to CA for six days and it cost me all of eight dollars . . . . That seems very wrong to me. . . . But anyway.

I miss Zack. And all the random quoting of bizarre things that we did. That was fun. =) And someone around here needs to buy the game "Munchkin." lol

I'm getting the need to write. I'm not sure if it's because I've been reading, or because of the new experiences of last week. But still. I'm getting jittery - I need to write something soon.

So. . . . I should go clean my room. It's been a bit disaster-esque since I've been home. lol

It is Fall-ish here. :) I love Michigan. Pretty falling leaves. =)

One hundred thirty-two souls

Er, posts. . . . Not souls. 132 posts.

So. . . . Forty-three hours. lol One word sums it up: CRAZY! *SB voice: Weirded out!* ;)

I like listening to Josh Groban sing in other languages. In English? Not so much generally. There are a few. . . . Vincent is good. But mostly, just foreign languages. Like Per Te. I like singing that one. Mi Mancherai is nice, too. Very nice violin part. I like it.

My cousin has a rendition of "Just As I Am" that I really would like. I heard it maybe three times out at school, so it's been a while, but lately this one part keeps popping into my head, and I really like it. . . . I should ask her about it.

I think I've gotten over Michael Bubbly. He was fun for a little while, but eh. Gershwin shall never leave me though. Summertime and the livin' is easy. ;) Thanks, Mom. :)

Blackmore's Night is really good though. Ocean Gypsy is one of my favorite songs now. Thanks for that, Mike. :)

I love and hate nostalgia. . . . I love remembering the old days. I love having them to remember. But I hate it too. . . . I hate that they're gone. I hate the idea of never having that again. Perhaps "hate" is the wrong word. . . . It makes my heart sad. I miss it an awful lot.

So I think I'm finally ready to let go of TCS. . . . My message boards. Not truly mine, and yet they were. So many good memories. . . . So many good things have come from that. So many good friends. Viva la Corellian Sector.

Countdown: 9

Nine days till I'm in Minneapolis! And from there to San Fransisco. And I think I will wear some flowers in my hair. ;) (Brownie points if you know the reference. Mike, Mom, Tuesday - you can't play. lol)

Finding Nemo has a lot of fun random quotes. I like fun random quotes. "It's possible, pig." Hehehe. Ah, movies.

So today is it! This is the time - it's perfect. It's chilly and the leaves are beginning to change and it's mid-September, after Labor Day. Again, I say, it is perfect. The perfect weather. The perfect timing. The perfect day - to wear boots! =D The only question is. . . . Which ones? Black? White? Red? Short? Tall? Ah, the possibilities. =) Boots. Everything looks better in boots. Puss in Boots. Mario in a boot. Froggy Mario in a boot? You just can't get away from it. Boots are awesome.

I have to go shopping sometime in the next eight days. lol My vehicle is being used for better purposes right now though. Oh and Dave, your money is coming. Haven't gotten to the bank since I got paid, but soon! :)

Two new piano students starting in October. . . . Don't know what to do about that. lol I'm happy for the money. But I've no idea what I'm doing. How do you teach someone to read when you only get to work with them for half an hour a week? Reading music and reading words are quite similar things. You read this letter and you make this sound. You read this note and you make this sound. Kids don't learn how to read books with only half an hour a week. . . . Oh, well. It must be possible. People have done it. lol

Well, I didn't have much to say today, but I felt like talking anyway. lol Deal with it. ;)

Time.

I wrote this yesterday (Saturday) morning. I posted it on Facebook, but it wouldn't let me tag people so that seemed a little pointless. Anyway. It's morbid - you've been warned.

Seconds ticking by, I hear them
Minutes passing by my head
Hours, I've lost so many of them
So few left before I'm dead

Life is only just beginning
Just the start of what I crave
Waited such a long time for it
Far too soon, it's Death I'll brave

In the harsh of coldest winter
In the heat of mid-summer's eve
Time goes marching ever onward
Passing through like sand in sieve

Working, resting, crying, laughing
Always time to contemplate
Time to think and wonder - waiting
How quick I move to meet my fate

There he stands; I see him clearly
Better than I'd hoped he'd be
There we stand; he holds me dearly
As I share what doctors see

Such a moving of emotions
Such a groan from him is torn
How my heart is breaking for him
How, for him, my death I mourn

My beloved is my only -
Only thought and only care
How I pray he moves on quickly
E'en as now, at Death, I stare

Seconds ticking by, I hear them
Minutes passing by my head
Hours, I've lost so many of them
Not one left before I'm dead

Life was only just beginning
Just the start of what I'd craved
Waited such a long time for it
Last exhale - it's Death I've braved.

"I'm havin' a thought 'ere, Barbossa."

There really is nothing you can change when the difficulty level of Life rises. Unless you were doing something wrong before. But if you were doing right, there's not a thing you can differently to make it easier. . . . You can't stop. You can't go back. There's only one option and it's the same option you had before life got harder. Move forward; do right.

I'm not sure if that is encouraging or discouraging. . . . Probably depends on your point of view, eh? Yeah. . . .

Time seems to have moved very quickly the past couple of days. . . . Does not feel like Wednesday already. Although yesterday felt entirely too much like a Thursday. . . . Maybe that's why today feels not like a Wednesday. . . Oh well.

Texting is expensive. lol I should go job hunting this afternoon. Where to hunt though. . . . That is the question. Maybe I should move to Midland. . . . Matt and Ashlie would probably let me crash on their floor for a little while if I did find a job - just till I could get an apartment, that is. Hm.

Well, I didn't have much to say, but I've been wanting to blog for a while, so there you have it. /pokes all the other blogging peoples - Your turn now. ;)

KJV - Only?

I'm in the midst of a very important decision. And I have a feeling that it's going to take quite a while to get through it. I know where I would like to end up, but I don't know that that is what's best.

Since meeting Zack I've been spiritually challenged about things that had never before been an issue for me. (Some a lot more important than others.) Rock music. Church attire. Bible interpretation. And obviously, the question of "Which version??" It's been good; difficult and trying; stretching and testing; emotionally draining; and I felt so mentally exercised I couldn't think any more. It's been a long time since I've felt like that. It was good like sore muscles are good. He's made good points; I've made good points (a few). We've made each other think. It's good but it's hard.

There's a reoccurring problem that I see within the Van Kleeck family when we argue. It's always This or That. It's as if we can't ever see another option. And so often, there is, in fact, another option. For example, the lying argument. So many times I heard "So you're not going to lie? You're just going to turn them in? You're going to say, 'Here they are'?" No. . . . Just because I'm not going to lie doesn't mean that I have to say where they are. How does one equate to the other??

I'm beginning to wonder if that doesn't apply to the version issue. Now, don't worry. I'm not making any leaps and bounds here. I'm trying to be slow and thoughtful and careful, and it was just something that popped into my head while thinking. I haven't studied anything nearly enough to make any decisions (thus, why I said it's going to take a while). It was just something that occurred to me and I'm wondering.

I'm thinking about blogging about the music argument at some point. I don't like feeling like people think I've been duped when in fact, I came to a conclussion after a discussion that spanned a couple months. I didn't meet a guy and morph to his whims. I couldn't do that - not about right and wrong. I would hope that my own family knows me better than that. . . . But maybe they don't. And if they don't, it's probably my own fault. :/

How much do you trust someone else's judgment? When a good friend introduces you to one of their friends, how cautious are you? If the new person told you something that seemed rather unlikely, do you trust them for the sake of your friend? Or do you take it as if you had met the person without your friend's recommendation? Do you assess their character just like you would any new person? Or do you take into account that your friend has some level of trust for them?

I wonder about strange things. lol

Change

It's an interesting topic. A paradox. Change is constantly occurring, and yet if it stopped, that would be a change. It's inevitable, unstoppable, hoped for, dreaded. We heard all about the need for change during the previous presidential campaign. It doesn't matter if you need or think you need it - change comes. Sometimes it plods along slowly like an old work horse; sometimes it blasts through like a fighter jet breaking the sound barrier and leaves your ears ringing.

The funny part is when a person steps away from their friend and expects the friend to stay exactly how they are at the moment until the person can return. Things change that they can't imagine and they come back and are shocked. I find it amusing, whether watching my reactions or the reactions of other people. It's bizarre that we are so self-concerned we don't realize that other people are changing every second whether or not we're around to behold it. The tree that falls in the forest without anyone to see it still fell.

Change is powerful. It can hurt; it can bring euphoria. It can disappoint; it can awe. And it can even do all these things at once.

The idea of change is good. Without it, we couldn't grow, couldn't think. We'd be forever stuck in an everlasting moment of nothing. Which would obviously be awful in a number of ways. Change is also just as subject to our wicked imaginations as every other amoral thing, which brings about people worrying about change. But the worrying is often a change for the worse in itself.

The way change comes is not predictable. All we know is that it's coming, not how, not when, in some ways, we don't even know why. We know it's coming; we know it's of God's plan; we know that He'll work it for good. But if we knew the rest, what would life be? I wrote once that I wished we were born with a walkthrough attached to help us get through life. A script to obey. I've changed my mind. ;) The lack of details are what make life . . . fun. The change is what makes it interesting. You think you're going one way and then, "Oh look. A brick wall. Huh." Didn't stop King David. So he couldn't build the temple. He prepared. He needed to do something. He needed to keep moving forward.

Yesterday's messages were great. They made me. . . . spiritually thirsty. I don't think they'd have had even close to the same impact a month ago. . . . Why? Change.

What do you do when change comes and one person sees it as good and another sees it as bad? When what one person considers progress is what another person considers deterioration? Do you hide it? Avoid it? Do you attempt to explain? Change is frightening. It's hard to try to prove that something that someone is afraid of really isn't a bad thing. (Like Beauty and the Beast - Gaston holds up the mirror and they see the Beast looking what appears to be ferocious and vicious when he's really just in mourning. Belle knows better. What happens? She attempts to explain and they lock her up and try to kill the Beast.) It's not easy to change the minds of fearful people. It's not easy to let go of fear of something that looks so obviously terrifying even when someone you trust is telling you it's okay.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

That was a squeal of excitement in case you weren't sure. =D I bought my ticket to California. =) Don't worry - I bought one to come home, too. lol It's exciting. After seven years, I finally get to meet Robin. . . lol ;) 'Bout time.

It's weird. . . Being twenty suddenly seems not that old. /shrug

But anyway. Here I am again at 2:30am. . . After lying in bed for nearly two hours without even getting tired, I've had enough. lol My dad told me this would happen. He said of sleeping in, "Enjoy it while it lasts!" Well, I did, but it didn't last very long. ;) lol

I don't know what to do. . . . I suppose I could clean my room a bit again. . . . It could use it. I need to dust. lol I hate dusting. . . . Maybe that'll be my task for tomorrow - clean room. I'll probably get sick of it before I get to the dusting part. lol That's what usually happens. ;)

I don't really have anything to blog about. . . . :P /shrug At least other people have started up again. :) Yay!

This day

Today in 1862 the first income tax was collected. One hundred years later, Jamaica gained independence from Britain. :) Yay, Jamaica! :)

Where did I find those interesting facts? I'd rather not tell because then you would already know them and they would no longer be interesting facts. . . . Is that selfish? Hmm. Fine, it's an add-on on igoogle. "Today in History."

Another fun add-on is the World Clock. :) London, Spain, Tokyo. Most any major city you can think of. =) Neat thing.

Useless Knowledge is a good one too. Random facts are fun! They make good conversation filler. It's like saying "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" but without the mess of actually saying that enormous and meaningless word. :)

I put out some applications yesterday. I know, I know - it's about time. I need a job. Don't want one, but I need one. Maybe. I suppose if I don't get one, then I won't have needed one. . . . lol /shrug

It's getting hot again. August always tends to be our hottest month. Or so it seems to me. . . . My perception could be off though.

A note (or eight)

This seems the easiest and quickest way to explain to everyone who cares: Zack isn't coming in August. Work scheduling problems. We didn't have a fight or something.

Reading books that were written for a purpose is hard if the purpose doesn't apply to you. If the writer is writing in order to correct some misconception he once had, but I don't share the same misconception, I find it terribly difficult to stay interested. Thus, reading John Piper's "Desiring God" is not coming along very well.

Sleep is a wonderful thing; I'm thankful for it. Every now and again, no sleeping makes things interesting though. And it provides a good time to clean one's room. :) Although it's hard to clean/organize/rearrange some things quietly. . . . Heh heh.

I've noticed that I dislike it when people unknowingly copy other people when they're completely different types of people. It makes me second-guess all my carefully constructed categories of said people. . . . lol

It's 2am. Logic says I should be tired. The majority of my body isn't very logical. My eyes, however. . . .

Tonight was mostly good. Today was weird. . . . But tonight was mostly good. Church was great. It generally is. :)

Mike stopped blogging again. . . . *tsk, tsk* So did other friends: Aaron, Evan, and Sam. :P

In closing, Ups and Downs come suddenly and often one after the other. So enjoy every minute of tranquility where you're just moving Straight. And never swim off the coast of Maryland.

Thursday, my Thursday!

Thursdays were, once upon a time, my favorite day of the week. If a week could be described as a day, I think it would look like this: Mondays are the beginning of the day - sometimes good, sometimes bad, and they set the tune for the rest of it. Tuesdays have always been Meh, that in-between time of mid-morning. Wednesdays were too busy - coming back to school/work after a lunch break and there's so much to do; afternoon. Thursdays were the beginning of the end - the evening of the week. Friday is Midnight - not very novel by itself but combined with the right catalyst - a great deal of fun. Saturday is the wee hours of the morning - time to sleep, or on rare occasions, go none-stop and have a blast.

You may notice that Sunday isn't in there. (If you didn't, learn to be observant. ;)) That's because Sunday has always felt like it's not part of the week. It's its own thing. Sundays make up their own year, a year of church and escape from work and school and, most importantly, the world.

I slept eleven hours last night. Why? I've no clue. Maybe I'm sick and my body is trying to fight it off but I don't know that I'm sick yet. . . . . Hmmm. Maybe, if it's something minor, I won't ever actually feel sick because of all the extra sleep.

I started writing this blog yesterday, in case you were wondering. People interupted me. :)

Summer wind

It doesn't look much like a summer day to me. It's cloudy and kind of dark and rainy-ish looking. Looks like it's going to be a wonderful day. =) Michigan has a lot of clouds. I like them.

So, some of you may remember that at the beginning of the year, I said something about trying to read the NT 15 times this year. I made a schedule to follow and everything with about thirty extra days. It's hard to read twelve plus chapters of the Bible on holidays. It's going well thus far. I think I've actually gotten ahead. (At the beginning, I had to read an average of 11.5 chapters a day, now it's a little less than 10.) The interesting part is that I think this is why I don't have a job. lol

It's true though. Because if I had a job, I really doubt I'd have the determination to spend the required amount of time reading when I suddenly had so much less time in general. A saddening fact of my spiritual life, to be sure. It bothers me immensely. And yet, the fact that I've (through God's grace) been able to stick with it this long is huge to me. It's incredible what it does for your mental process when you just read the Word for 30 minutes to an hour a day.

I started this because I was unhappy with my level of familiarity with the NT. I couldn't have told you where well-known verses were. All I knew about I Corinthians was that it had the communion passage and the verse about being the temple of the Holy Ghost. It was awful. And while I think and hope that I have a better hold on what's in which book, that hasn't been the point of my reading for quite some time now. I've gotten so used to it, that if I don't spend that much time, it feels awkward. If I read a chapter or two of Colossians rather than the book, it feels incomplete. Besides the fact that it's only four chapters! It takes what? Ten minutes?

All my life I've heard, "You don't have to read a lot for devotions. You can just read a few verses, maybe only one." And yes, it's true. But the things we miss because we don't just read. You just sit down and read a normal book, and when you come to something that you have to think about, then you pause and think about it. You mull it over for a day and then start reading again. To be sure the Bible has so much more to offer so there's much more to stop and think about. But still. . . How often do young people who've been saved just end up reading a verse before they go to bed at night in order to satisfy their conscience? I did that for a long time (well, I read a chapter. . . But the Psalms are really short). I was told it was okay.

I'm afraid for the end of the year to come because I don't know what to do next, and I don't want to go back. I want to keep moving forward. I want to do better.

Oh snaps.

I said something stupid yesterday. It's bothering me. But I don't know if saying anything else will help it, or if it's one of those things that should just be left alone because it's forgotten faster that way. . . . Bleh. . . . I'm very bad at knowingly taking risks. . . .

I've found that taking naps lowers my body temperature dramatically. lol But it also makes my head feel funny. . . .

I have a very precise internal clock. I just can't see it. ;)

Fellowship potluck tonight after church. Mom's bringing egg-salad sandwiches. They'll probably be the only real food there. . . There will be lots of sugary things and probably some fruit. And Mom's sandwiches. As a result, they're always a big hit. Plus, they're just good. =)

Church this morning was interesting. I don't know that Pastor has ever taken an entire message in order to review. Granted, he went over like two years' worth of messages, but still. . . . It was interesting. Hm.

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who are looking for someone who is willing join them in their activities and those who are looking for someone who is willing to give up their activities.

Friday

Well, today is John Calvin's 500th birthday. You know what that means? Yep. It's the second annual "Hug a Calvinist" Day. :) I've yet to actually do so though. :P I forgot till just now actually. Haha. I've been telling everybody about it for like a month and then I go and forget. Yeah, that's the way it works.

Equilibrium is a good movie, but it has an awful lot of loop-holes. Too many to try to fix even. It's not like you can get around them. And it's sad. The sad part is that he kills a bunch of people over a dog. . . . Don't get me wrong, I like puppies as much as the next person, but that's a very sad miscalculation of the worth of things. At least the next time he fights the guys, he doesn't kill them.

John Preston is a cool character. But his name is John. There are a lot of main good guys with the name of John. John McClaine. John Rambo. Arnold Schwartzhisface played a few, too, I think. It's a very popular name for good guys. . . . I don't particularly like it myself though. John. It's one of those names that's just alright. /shrug

I'm really glad for things that auto-save. Haha. I just lost my whole post but Blogger saves them periodically, so it's all good. ;)

Some people have the hardest time watching movies. They just can't stand to find out what happens on their own. I try not to do that.

Happy John Calvin's birthday!

Departures

Dave and Kaylynn are leaving today. They're going back to Florida. :( I have to drive them to the airport. :( :(
lol ;) j/k I'm more sad about them leaving. /sigh I suppose that is the way of it though. Life is full of comings and goings.

I had strange dreams last night. These bad guys were trying to find Dave and Kaylynn and I was like Michael Weston and getting them out of all kinds of trouble. And there were good police guys around, too, but they weren't really on our side, because we were kind of neutral. The weirdest part is that the soccer coach from college was the guy in charge of the good FBI-ish guys. lol So weird. . . lol And at one point, we went to this place that only exists in a video game. . . . D&K were safe there, but they didn't stay there. (So I had to save them again. Hehe. :)) Anyway, I was really cool in that dream, taking care of people and saving the day. . . There was a different one before it where I was, I think, sorta the damsel in distress, but I can't remember it now. :(

It's really easy to get used to nice things. Good things that happen every day - you just get accustomed to them. And then if there's a lapse and it doesn't happen one day, you keep looking for it. . . . Wondering what happened. Where did it go?

I think there's going to be a week of, "Where's Dave? Where's Kaylynn?" lol

I'll have to con Mike into coming over more. lol "Who wants a cookie?" ;)

Don't let me forget to do piano lessons early today.

Did you know...

- Last night was the full moon? It was pretty. Well, maybe it wasn't completely full, but it was close enough to be beautiful. My current calendar doesn't have the phases of the moon on it. . . It's not a very good calendar. It has cats on it. . . :P

- Yesterday was four things at once? Two birthdays in the family, an anniversary, and communion Sunday all rolled into one. Crazy!

- Stupid things can be funny? It's true. You just have to find your specific brand of Stupid. Some people like it all, but they tend to be stupid themselves. . . .

- Burn Notice is new this week? It's true. I know it's confusing because it's summer and then last week they didn't show a new one, but I'm here to keep you all informed. Burn Notice - Thursday nights at nine. (EST)

- Random quotes are so much fun? "Do you know. . . .who I am?" "Watch out for the Oomu!" "Narshlobs coming in from above!"

- There are no current good cartoons? They all stink. They're so bad, I can't even watch them to figure out just how bad they are. You start watching and you actually feel your IQ slipping as your brain turns to mush . . . .

- I need some new music? I need a new soundtrack or something. My stores of music have been memorized and I need a new dozen songs to listen to. (Just to clarify, "need" does not mean "need" here. It's used loosely, like when people go through DT and say, "I need fourteen double cheeseburgers." It simply expresses a desire for something that is stronger than "Yeah, that'd be neat.")

- My cousin is running for Congress? He is! It's so great. =D I hope he wins. lol I think I'd like to go help on Saturday, but it's kind of scary. I have the pitch down pretty well from listening to Aunt Anette, but I've never actually been door-to-door. I think I could do it though. . . .

Christmas anywhere without snow seems an impossibility to me. . . . . Hmm.

It's a Beautiful Morning!

Not really. It's the evening now. But it has been a pretty good day.

I'm on my mom's new laptop at the moment. Shh. Don't tell her. I didn't ask before she left if I could get on. ;) I would like a laptop. They have a specifc feel to them. A nice feel.

Dungeon Master is a fun game if you cheat at it. Hahaha. I used to never write "haha." I thought it sounded weird. I use it a lot more now and "hehe" a lot less. . . . . It probably means something. I'm not sure what though, so I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. :P

People are watching Street Fighter mini-movies. They're . . . . strange. ;) We should just watch Advent Chidren if we want to see cool fight scenes. lol

The weather has been really nice lately. No sun today. I was happy. I do like the sun somewhat now, but too much of it can get annoying. It just gets really warm, ya know?

I have nothing to write about these days. . . /shrug Maybe I'll go play more Dungeon Master. . . ;)

Another day, another week

Another month, another year - time keeps on a-going.

I have blue toenails right now. I like them blue, and it's a good blue. Kind of unique. Why should you care, you ask? You shouldn't really; I'm just setting the mood for the rest of the blog.

Dave and Kaylynn left today. Bleh. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day though. Swimming anyone?

I'm playing the piano at the West Michigan Tea Party on July 4th. I'm kind of excited about it. I'm hoping that the day is nice, but not oppressively hot. Sweltering heat is not fun. . . I wonder what I should wear. . . I want to look nice, but not over-dressed. Comfortable, but snazzy. ;) lol I don't think I've ever looked snazzy in my life. . . Haha.

Mom cut my hair yesterday. I really like it. Well, I really like the one side of it, and the other, like usual, is annoying. The right side of my hair is never very nice-looking. I tried to fix it, but it didn't really help, 'cause the problem wasn't the hair-cut - it was my hair. lol

Piano lessons went okay today. I was happy. We took up all the time and I think they're learning, which is good. And they practice, which is a very important thing. lol It's very nice to have a bit of money again. . . Even if it's all going to go to my brother to pay for my phone. At least I get to keep my phone. =)

VBS is this week. We're only doing three days this summer, which I think is an enormous plus. lol I'm playing the piano for that, too. I like playing the piano for things. It makes me feel useful and it's something I know I can do. I'm quite thankful for being able to play and having people who were willing to teach/pay for me to be taught. Parents are blessed things, you know that?

I think I'm going to go for another bike ride today. I can't decide when I should go though. . . Hmmm. . . . I'm thinking sooner.

Jeff-fa-fa!

I sat down to write. And had nothing to say. And then I made a spelling error. Thankfully, my trusty shadow (AKA, little sister) caught it before I made a complete and utter fool of myself by publishing my post with a grammatical mistake!!! (Notice the extra exclamation points, which show just how much I do not mean what I'm writing. Yes, I'm like that.)

Read a book recently. Warbreaker. Good book. Lots of cool characters. Good plot. Liked the writing style. You should read it. If you heard it here first, I'll be shocked, but hey. It could happen. (She caught another one. She's like my personal spell-checker. I'm, oh, so blessed, aren't I?)

I've been working on a particular story since coming home from college. I don't really have anything else to say about it. It's just been on my mind because I can't seem to make much progress lately. Frustrations abound. Well. . . sorta. Yes, sorta. I know it's not a real word. :P But honestly, what makes a word real? It definitely has a specific connotation.

I've lost contact with most of my friends. It happened quite a while ago. I find it interesting that so long as I don't have any sort of friendly contact with people that I miss them an awful lot less than if I have a little. If I only get a little, I miss them way too much than is comfortable.

I'm like a seventh wheel around here. . . Or would it be ninth? /shrug Guess it depends on who's around, eh? Indeed. Good answer, smarty-pants.

Have you ever wondered what terrible things feel like? Like, say, getting shot? Not that you want to get shot, but just an idle curiosity of what that experience is like. It's like that conversation we had such a long time ago. If you get beheaded, how long does it take for you to actually die? Are you aware of stuff? Can you move your face muscles? I have a lot of curiosity.

My brother calls me morbid. Every now and then I decide to play the part. ;)

Blogs

I don't think anyone reads this any more. . . . Maybe Sam? /shrug Actually, no one else blogs any more. 'Cept Uncle Matt. Occasionally.

My brother got married ten-ish days ago. It was lovely. The ceremony went off without a hitch. I was able to hold it together until we walked out, though I got teary-eyed when Pastor was reading Scripture: "A three-fold cord is not easily broken." That one always hits me because we were three for so long. Sometimes I feel like it was put there just for my encouragment.

I'm glad Dave and Kaylynn are here. If they weren't, I'm afraid of how empty the house would feel. Truth be told, I'm afraid of how empty it's going to feel when they leave.

Joe (cousin) is getting married this weekend. My parents and Kaylynn are flying down to Florida to be there for it. That'll only be the second wedding I've missed, I think. This weekend is going to be quiet. . . Thursday, especially. Maybe Mike will come over for a bit. . . . with his family, of course. Silly people. :P

I start teaching piano lessons this Wednesday. I've no idea what I'm doing, so if anyone happens to read this and happens to think about it later, I'd appreciate some prayers. I've only taught my sister, and she already had a pretty solid foundation. I just picked up where her previous teacher left off. I don't know how to start from the beginning - I don't remember learning it.

I have a dilemma. Not really a dilemma so much as a situation to which I can see no solution, no real answer. Despite how much it impacts me, no one else knows any of the specifics. Despite me putting this in my blog, I'm probably not going to explain it to anyone anytime soon. lol (Most likely because no one reads my blog so it won't come up.)

Do you ever write a bunch of stuff in a blog or an email and then reread it and take half of it out? I do that constantly. Constantly rewriting, rewording. I edit my stories - stories that I have no intention of letting anyone else ever see - multiple times. I wonder if that falls under OCD. . . .

I got a lead on a job today. New jobs terrify me. Really. There are few things I fear more than stepping into a new job. Generally, I don't fear the unknown. I can shrug it off and trust myself to Providence. Jobs, I have trouble with.

A few days ago I was thinking, "I wish I knew that this was going to happen - it'd make it so much easier to be patient then." Ah, such a silly thought. "...Hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

The Countdown Continues!

When I was fourteen-ish I had this feeling that my brothers were going to get married and move away and I would be alone. It was a terrible feeling and it has never gone away, though the intensity of my reaction has certainly decreased a lot. In ten days, my fears will have been realized. TEN DAYS!! . . . . Oy vey.

I think Dad is trying to bring the house down. . . Literally. . . Feels kinda like an earthquake. lol

I want to go to California. Not for the sun, nor the beaches, nor the ocean. Not for the tan people, nor Hollywood, nor the glamor. I want to experience an earthquake. Also, it'd be cool to see Robin. :)

There have been a lot of people walking by our house lately. Generally, they annoy me because they're noisy, or I just ignore them. This year, I've taken up watching them. OH! So the other day was our big town garbage day (you can put out anything - like couches - and they'll take it away) and these two guys started going through our stuff, and the one guy looked like Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls. He had the blue cap on backwards and a beard and was about the same build (little heavier), and his clothing style was the same. I looked out my window and was like, "Luke Danes is going through our garbage!!" Luke is more handsome though.

Went swimming today. =) Made me happy. I've been looking forward to it for a couple months now. It's pretty much the only redeeming quality of summer - being able to go swimming.

Repetition

Okay, I know I just blogged about Dune, but really, the topic deserves another visit. Mostly because I just cannot get over how much I enjoy reading Mr. Frank Herbert's writing style. It's so. . . . Well, I really love it. And I've noticed that that's what makes or breaks a book for me. Writing style. It's not the story itself, nor even the characters that makes something interesting - it's the way you tell the story and talk about the characters. I can't stand Charles Dickens. I like his stories just fine, but his writing is dull.

This is why I say I enjoyed the written LotR story better than the movies, but I've only read them once, and I've watched the movies an extraordinary amount of times. Tolkien's writing style for LotR was not enough to lure me back to the books, whereas The Sil was written in a different tone and I did end up reading it again.

But enough about that.

I've been working on a story that I started soon after getting home from school. I read Dave's Name of the Wind and got this idea. Which I promptly began working on. I did quite a bit of writing, one of my larger projects, and then tapered off and started something else. I didn't have enough structure. Then I read Dune, and now I've been working on it again. As a consequence, it started in first person, which I really enjoy. But now I realize that it's not good enough. First person is both too limiting and too revealing. Now though, I have a problem. Because I could move into omniscient over-seer, which is what I generally use. Or I could change it to historian-type teacher. (Which is how Dune is written.) I'm thinking the second. For one, because I like it so much. Two, I haven't done it much. Three, it ends up being the only authority on the topic anyway, thus it has some of the same connotations as the omniscient approach. The biggest problem is that I don't know if I could do it justice. Not that any of it matters right now, as I have an awful lot of plot to get nailed down and set in order first.

I love writing. :) Stories are like puzzles that you have to figure out and fit together. If you do it right, the words end up painting a beautiful and unique picture.

Oh thnikaman. . .

It's May. . . Argh.

There's a lot of stuff going on this month. Mother's Day. Wedding. Another wedding. Mom's birthday. Yeah. . . Lots of stuff.

We set up our new pool today. It's filling as I type this. I hope it's as much fun as last year's was. I loved the pool. I went swimming almost every day after work. Good times.

Burn Notice comes back in less than a month. I'm sooooooooooooo happy. =D Everything else is ending now. And then we're pretty busy for the rest of the month and then Burn Notice is back. I take back what I said before about them being stupid and not coming back till the end of June. They have wonderful timing. AND! It has an earlier time-slot now. Oh yeah.

The BBC version of Pride and Prejudice is interesting. Darcy seemed like a totally different character but Elizabeth is almost exactly the same, only happier than Kiera Knightley's portrayal. (The majority of me doesn't care if I spelled her name wrong.) By the way, the library here has no Jane Austen books. How weird is that? And the card catalogue has been moved behind the check-out counter. . . Does that make sense?

I'm reading Dune Messiah now. I don't know if I want to. . . . But the writing style is so enticingly unique, I doubt I will be able to ignore it.

In a month, Mike will be married and moved out, Dave & Kaylynn will be moved in for their visit, Laura will no longer be in High School, and summer will be here. Kate'll be done with school; Burn Notice will be back on TV. What will I be up to? /shrug I certainly don't know. . .

Ah, fantasy fiction!

How I do enjoy it. =)

What's the difference between fantasy fiction and science fiction? SciFi makes me think of space ships and fantasy of magic. But I'm never certain with these things. . .

Finished another of those Dragonlance books. Raistlin was so the best character through the whole thing. Tasslehoff was second-best. The almost-ending was the best part and the actual ending was the worst, in my opinion, aside for that bit about Raistlin and the tower. I'm not one for the sappy goodbyes - like the end of Lord of the Rings. . . It just doesn't sit well with me when best friends go their separate ways and no matter if they're all cool with it. I'm not. . . Perhaps an indication of how dear I hold my friends. I would hate to have to let go of any of them so long as we're all living. (Slightly odd, seeing as I haven't been able to spend much time in the presence of most of my closest friends.)

But on to the reason for this post: Dune! The writing style was dry but quick. Almost toneless, like most old books are, but there was always so much happening that it couldn't be considered boring, and never too much description. Concise and always moving forward - there were no pauses. It was intriguing and hard to read every word because I wanted to skip through, to find the important things, but whenever I did, I found that I'd missed something. Someone had died. Some important insight had been made. I'd missed something and everything had importance. (Very much unlike WoT where you could skip whole pages.) And then you find yourself wanting the strange abilities of the people in the book - the Bene Gesserit who notice everything and can read people's motives by their tone and body language. Like Sean from Pysch - this isn't magic. This is talent and how cool would it be to be so talented?

Then, of course, there is the mystical element, the one that makes the hero the Hero. That makes him stand out from all the others. Wheel of Time drew something from Dune. There are females of power in Dune and then a young man comes along with a greater power. It's like that in WoT too. I perferred Dune. The females were actually smart in Dune, some of them almost admirable. Definitely meddling and thinking themselves better than others, but less snooty. And of course, my favorite character of the book, Alia, the hero's sister. She's quite awesome, though she's only in the last third of the book and not much at that. And she's only about four. Still my favorite character. Her and Duncan Idaho. Paul was cool, but it took too long for him to become it. Alia was sweet as soon as she entered the scene.

I really liked the little snipets of information between sections. Those were very cool. And they gave good information in a very unique tone.

Anyway. I enjoyed it quite a bit, and I think I'm going to get the next one, though I'm not sure if I should yet. . . I've been doing a lot of reading (Dune in two days) and should probably use my new-found venues of imagination, rather than crowd them over with yet more ideas.

Less than two hours

In less than two hours, I will no longer be a teenager. I will have passed into the life of twenties. (Not the 1920's.)

My uncle died in his twenties. . . Twenty-six, actually. I've thought for quite some time that 26 is a good age. He would have been thirty-two this year, I do believe. Six years can seem like a long time in ways. In others, it seems like it was just yesterday with a night full of dreams in between.

I have very detailed dreams. They used to get me into trouble because I wouldn't remember them upon waking up, but later they would come to mind like old memories. It took me a while to realize how to differentiate between the two. Sometimes I had to ask people if it ever happened. And they would look at me like I was crazy. Hehe.

It's been very windy today, and the wind is blowing my curtains out a little right now. Snow on any holiday seems to make it better. I think it's because of the anticipation of Christmas. There's just something about seeing fresh snow on the ground when you wake up in the morning. Yes, I'm hoping to wake up to fresh snow tomorrow. Although, I hope the roads stay good for my dad and brother. Mike has to work all night tonight. I'm going to miss him a lot when he gets married and moves out. . . :(

I'm very tired. But I really like my book, and I want to keep reading it. It's a Dungeons and Dragons book, Mike said. I never would have thought of it that way if he hadn't said anything. It's fantasy, like LotR or SW or WoT. I wouldn't have looked at the book and thought, "Oh, a DnD book!" I read through more than half of it, and there were plenty of dungeons and dragons and it never occurred to me. Who's going to point out those obvious things when he moves out? Who's going to Wikipedia my books and figure out the ending and tell it to me before I'm there? Hehehe. =)

You know, loneliness and homesickness are very similar feelings. . . Completely different reasoning for them, with completely different desires behind them, but the types of feelings are similar.

For reals this time?

I think so. But maybe not. . . It's hard to be sure.

Japanese is a really pretty language. If I could make an attempt to learn another language, I'd choose Japanese.

I've been writing a lot lately, but I keep writing different things, so I'm not really making any progress. At least it keeps me occupied.

C. S. Lewis is annoying. He has an interesting writing style, but really. . . He's just annoying. I'm reading Perelandra and I can hardly stand it. I can only read so much of it at a time. Nonetheless, I'm finishing the book. I think I'm finally to the last chapter. (There were only seventeen, and it took me like three weeks. . . An indication of how much I dislike the book.)

I can hear Robin Hood the Fox playing in the next room. . . It seems to be one of everyone's favorite cartoon movies, aside from me. But I don't care for most Disney movies at all, so I suppose it would be in the top five of it's genre. Does anyone care about this? Probably not. It has good songs.

I don't really want to go back to school. . . Maybe if I get a job, then I will. lol Suppose I'd better get a job.

Sonnet

A friend of mine and I were conversing the other day and he mentioned that I should try to write a sonnet. So, this is my sad, sad attempt at it. I hope that at least I got the mechanics of it right. . .

A maiden fair and light, she free did roam
Through forest green and water blue she'd dance.
A mighty knight he wandered far from home
Through friend and foe, he battled with his lance
Beside the shores of Taerkos she did rest
Where stars and moon do send to earth their light
Beside the falls of Taerkos he did quest
Where form the cliff great dragon-lords took flight
The dragons saw the maiden as she went
And in their grasp her life would soon be lost
The knight did follow hard upon their scent
And for her life he fought at high a cost
Upon his side forever now he bears
A scar, the proof of love, for whom he cares.

It's awful. . . I know. lol I liked it at the beginning. And then the end happened and it was like, MY EYES!!!!! ;) Hehehehe.
Happy first day of Spring tomorrow. =)

Just can't decide

Happy St. Patrick's Day. =D And happy birthday to cousin Emily. :)

So I was all ready to go get a job. I was mentally prepared to go job hunting. I was physically prepared, wearing nice clothes with my hair and make-up just so. And then stuff happened, and I was stuck at home. And now I don't want a job again. I find I have a deeply rooted love for being home, for being around my family, and a natural aversion to going back into the world for 40 hours a week, spending all those hours amongst people who have no desire to know anything about God, who ignore Him every day of their lives.

I've been reading the Bible a lot this year. Much more than probably ever before in my life, even more than last semester when I read the entire OT. Because that was speed-reading for a class. This is normal reading, reading because I choose to, because I have a desire to be more familiar with the Scriptures. I don't want to lose that because of work. . . but I don't know, if I had so much less free time, if I'd be able to keep it up. :/ I don't know if I've grown that much.

And then there's the whole, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to go back to work. But should I want to? I have a debt that I need to pay and I need money to do it. Why doesn't that bother me like it should, like it used to? I used to despise the thought of debt. I still don't like it, but it's not weighing on me like I feel like it should. Why?? Am I flippant? Am I too dependent on Dad to pay it for me? I don't want him to have to do that. I want to pay it.

Actually. . . I want to work. I do. I just don't want to work for them, out there. I want a house to run and kids to train and teach. I want to do something lasting, something important. Not serve the senior citizens their coffee just so. . . Sigh. I don't know. . . I really don't. . .

Come What May

Parts of this post will not make sense to anyone but myself.

So I think it's time. /nod Yes, definitely time.

I feel mostly back to my normal self, which is good. I didn't there for a while. I felt like someone else, someone too thoughtless, too impulsive. I think a lot again, and other things have come back, too. Good things. I missed them. Although, being sporadic did have some fun moments, it wasn't worth it. Calculating is better for me. I regret saying things I shouldn't more than I regret not saying things I wanted to. Hah.

Dave thinks it takes a half hour a day to memorize Scripture. I think he's nuts. lol He's lost his marbles. At least for those of us who've grown up memorizing and hearing Scripture, it doesn't take nearly that long, unless you're going for like three chapters in a week or something. Ten minutes a day, you could probably memorize a semi-familiar passage of twenty verses in about a week. Actually, probably about five days. . . Seriously. It's not that hard to memorize something you've heard throughout your life. But that's NT. OT, aside from Psalms, would probably be a lot more difficult.

It got quite cold last night. Windy. I could feel it while I was sleeping. When the wind blows hard, it shakes my bed. But then the sun came out today, which I did not expect. That was cool. If it'd been warmer, I probably would have made use of the trampoline. Wind and warm temps on the trampoline. . . Aaaah. :) Alas, it hasn't warmed up. It's going to be a chilly one tonight.

Come what may. . . .

To what is the world coming??

WARNING: The following is a rant about the recently shown season finale of the TV show, Burn Notice. It is overly dramatic and rather emotional. It is strongly recommended you not read it aloud if you have nearby neighbors.


Michael Weston just killed a Daniel Jackson!!!! ARGH! :'( Way to end the season on a terrible note, Burn Notice!

It was a great episode, absolutely one of the best. And then the end happened. . . And rather than keep up his totally awesome, can-get-out-of-anything-cause-he's-that-cool image, what did my favorite current TV character do? He killed Daniel. . . :( I don't know if he's still my favorite TV character. . . . My bubble of happiness with that TV show just got popped. Can you blame me though?? He killed DANIEL!!!

. . . . I just thought of a really funny analogy for which my brother would mock me mercilessly if I used it. lol You'll just have to take my word for it. . . . Back to regular programming.

So yeah. . . No more new Burn Notice till June. Probably late June, too, 'cause they're mean like that. Mean people behind the scenes of Burn Notice. . . *sigh* I liked Daniel as a crazy man. . . I liked it better when they were working together. That was awesomeness. . . . Michael should have saved him. He was his client. Bleh. . . . And what was up with him leaving his sunglasses?? Are they trying to completely ruin his image?? Well, it's working! What'll happen next? He'll start taking clients and not be able to do the jobs? He'll run out of spy advice? All because he shot Daniel Jackson. Fiona should slap him again.

And then blow up whoever had the "great idea" of that ending. Seriously, they could have killed him fourteen other ways that didn't involve it being Michael's direct fault. But noooooooooooo! Slap them all with trout.

March the First

On the first day of Ma-arch, my true love gave to me. . . .

Nothin', I don't know who he is yet. :)

Today was awesome. It was just good. Aside from being a sinful human being, I mean. That part stunk as usual, but today, we got to go to church. :) Today, I learned a new song. And today was a good hair day. :) Also, Mom made pumpkin pie.

I love church. I love my pastor. I love that our church is growing. It's so cool. :) God is good. And to be feared. (Pastor started a new series. It's great! =D)

So there's a need for a Sunday School teacher at my church for the really little kids. . . My brother seems convinced I should do it. My mom and dad haven't been very expressive of their thoughts on the matter, but they both seem to think I should do it, too. To be blunt, I don't want to. A few reasons:
1) Being the center of attention for more than two people at a time, no matter what their ages, is uncomfortable and a little scary. I'm more of a one-on-one person.
2) Of all the age groups of children, pre-schoolers freak me out most. Which is not to say I don't like kids or anything. I do. I'm just of the opinion that parents should each take care of their own kid. . . . I'm kind of against Sunday School. . . Not because it's bad, but because it removes the responsibility of the kids from the parents, and I'm against that.
3) I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to teach. Unless I'm going to be home-schooling my kids, in which case, I'm thrilled to keep the responsibility of my kids' education.
4) I don't know how to teach a Sunday School class for little kids. I don't remember learning anything in Sunday School until I was like ten, and at that point, I don't even know if kids should be in SS. . . Really, what's the cut off age and why? Because from twelve to thirteen kids suddenly develop a greater understanding of the Bible and are now able to sit in the adult class? Or is it at eighteen when they're considered legal adults? It's like the fabled "Age of Accountability" (which is as much balogna as the Fountain of Youth). But I've digressed. . .

Unfortunately, despite all these things, I keep wondering if I should. I believe that if you're doing what's right and doing your best to follow the will of God, your desires will be His desires. Which is why the psalmist can write, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." What I can't figure out. . . is whether or not I can trust that I'm walking in close enough communion with the Lord for my desires in this area to be God's desires. Does the fact that I don't want to teach mean that I'm not the one who should be teaching? Or does the fact that I keep wondering about it mean that I'm supposed to? What's my motive behind not wanting to teach? . . . I don't know. . . It seems very. . . undesirable to teach a class of small children.

/sigh It would be cool if when we were born, we had a walkthrough attached for our specific life, telling us what exactly to do and how to do it. It would take out the adventure part of it a bit, but you don't HAVE to read the walkthrough. . .

I would read it. Wouldn't you read it?

Guess what!

You got it. It's Friday AGAIN!! Time seems to be passing very quickly as of late. Which is weird 'cause yesterday took seemingly forever. . . . It felt like three days, no joke. But I was tired yesterday.

So people have started blogging again. Well, some of them. Makes me feel like I should. Unfortunately, I have no readers. lol Also, I have very little to say. . . (Maybe that's why I have no readers?). . . I need a good book. But I would probably read it in a day, and then I'd be right back to where I am now.

Bleh.

Sometimes I like being unpopular. People don't pay attention to you that way.
Sometimes I hate being unpopular. People don't pay attention to you that way.
Hehehehe. I think I'm close to having a split-personality. =)

My brother tells me I'm emo. I'm not. They never smile and paint teardrops on their faces with make-up. I don't do that. In fact, I wear very little make-up. . . Also, they always wear black. He wears just about as much black as I do. Besides, it's a good color.

All my female friends are always very willing to talk to me, but my guy friends are always just kinda "oh, hey". I'm wondering if that's why I prefer talking to the guys, or if I just like guys that much better. . . . lol I'd always assumed it was the latter. But maybe it's a mixture of the two.

A poem I wrote just now
For me to recall how
I wrote a poem today.
That's all I have to say.

/shrug

What is today?

Oh yeah. It's Friday. February 20th, and it is 45 minutes after noon, if you want to know.
Not sure why you would, but whatever.

I've been thinking lately. I've reached the point in my life where I want a house to decorate, and yes, clean. I want the responsibility of a family. But I was thinking about all the stuff I wanted, all the things that would be nice to have, that would make living easier. And I realized something. Living easier is not living happier. Easy doesn't mean more fun. It doesn't mean better.

Then, while I was thinking about what does make life happy, what does make it better, (living for God) is actually better accomplished the less you have. The less you have, the more you realize your dependence on Him. And if God gives you lots, why keep it? Isn't it better to give it to missionaries? To the church? To someone in your church who's having trouble? Part of me still wants a big house with beautiful things and lots of land around with horses and dogs and bunnies. Part of me wants an easy life.

More and more of me is wanting a better life. The more I think about it, treasure here or treasure in Heaven, how could I not want less and less here? Life is short. Maybe shorter than we think. In one hundred years, we'll all be dead, except maybe a couple of the babies. It's worth the wait. It's worth the "hardships." More importantly, it's what God wants from us. We're so caught up with the cares of this world and we don't even know it. What's the good of stuff? When you have enough, why spend money on nicer stuff, when you can spend it on something that'll last forever?

The sun will come out tomorrow.

Actually, the sun is shining today and was out yesterday too.

My brother is getting married at the end of May. I'm the Maid of Honor in the wedding. I was very excited to be asked, kinda surprised, but very happy. I'm realizing now that I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing. . . And that half the duties that are generally the maid of honor's have been done by my brother or my mom. . . Makes me feel entirely undeserving. My brother said that maybe my mom should be the maid of honor. Even though it probably won't change (and I don't want it to change), I'm thinking maybe he had a good idea. . . . :/

I have a pretty boring life right now. If not for downloading a bunch of old Sierra "quest" games, I probably would have gone crazy.

Boring lives make for short blog posts. . .

'Ello, mon.

Was it not the coolest thing when Sean told Gus to say it again in a Jamaican accent and Gus did?? I wish I could speak Jamaican. . . That's like my favorite part of Meet Joe Black too. When he's talking to the lady in Jamaican.

I need a book. Or a job. Or a friend. Or . . . something. I don't know. Maybe I need nothing and it's all in my head. Maybe I'm in the Matrix, and seeing as I have no hacking skills, I'm stuck. Hmm. . . . Nah.

I'm thinking about selling my Twilight books. "But Elicia!" you say, "You just bought them!" I know. . . But that's because I'm extremely curious and I like getting lost in a fun story. Especially when it has good vampires. But now I have no money, and I'm probably not going to read them again. They're in nearly perfect condition. . . So, why not? I could probably get something for them. . . Maybe even break even. Or close to it.

Sledding is tons of fun. . . I love winter activities. Skiing, sledding, ice-skating. =D I'm a winter person. I even kind of like shoveling. . . /shrug Go figure.

Oh, it wasn't the coolest thing, by the way. Michael Weston is the coolest thing. Hahahahaha! In your face, mi hermano. (That's you, Mmsbhs. Teehee!)

Well, I should probably go write. I have this story I'm working on. The world is at least semi-original. It was fun to make up at any rate. :)

I remember now.

I really want a friend. . . A good friend who lives nearby, who likes to hang out with me and with whom I can do things with. . . Preferably a guy with a group of friends with whom I can fit in, thereby keeping things from being awkward. Because I gotta tell ya, as much as I love home (and I do, I really do), I have no friends here. I have family. At school, I have friends but no family. Why is it so difficult for both to exist in the same location?

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But family is different.

/sigh That mood of happiness I wrote about last night died during the course of today. I don't know where it went, but in its place came a very familiar feeling of solitude. . . Maybe the happiness will come back after I sleep. I feel tired for some reason. . . Maybe it'll come back after I read the Bible in a few minutes.

Should be doing. . .

I should be sleeping. Or reading. Or doing something other than sitting at my computer. But I'm not. . .

I'm not tired. Probably because I sleep in as long as I want/need to every day. Ah, the life of unemployment. I should be getting a job, and yet I don't feel any pressure to do so. I can't decide if it's a type of laziness (though I've been trying very hard to stay busy and help out at home) or if it's just knowing that God's in control of when I find a job and which job I find. /shrug I probably should have gone out looking today though. . .

Been playing a lot of Hero's Quest lately. Great old Atari game. I have the original one too, not the redone one that doesn't look right. The only sad part is that the sound doesn't work. :( Very sad because it had good music. Like most old games. And even some new ones.

I've been happy lately. Happier over a longer period of time than I've been in. . . maybe ever. . . It's not just a happy feeling. It's just. . . /shrug I don't know. It's nice. :) I'm relatively certain it's because I've been spending more time reading the Bible. I'm trying to read the NT fifteen times this year. That's 4050 chapters in 365 days, about eleven chapters a day. Very doable. Especially without a job or school. Heh. It's been going pretty well so far.

Politics seems to be all people are talking about lately. Or at least, the most of what people are talking about. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I don't care. Really. . . Why spend all your time thinking about what Obama is going to do, or is trying to do, or what the banks are doing and what you think people should be doing? The verse starts with "Fear God" then it says "Honor the king." Think about God first, then think about the government. Do we spend more time thinking about the banks and the stock market and the economy and all that stuff than we do about God and Who He is? Maybe not. But I do know that the economy and the state of our country is spoken of more.

But to what extent should I be detatched? It seems wise to be at least somewhat informed of what's going on in the country. I mean, there's nothing wrong with knowing what's happening. And yet, I don't care. Apathy comes easy to me in this area. Heh.

Frigid Air

It's cold. Really cold. And when your bedroom has no vent to let in the warm air, and your windows don't work so well at keeping the cold out to begin with, there isn't much you can do about it, but not spend time in your room. Less time in your room = less time on your ancient desktop computer = less blogging. ;)

In other news, I still don't have a job and I'm not in school, so life has slowed down a bit. (another reason for no updates.) Yet I find I'm entirely happy, and actually not bored at all. If I run out of things to do, I can always write or read Romans. (Been doing a lot of both lately.) The breaks on my car went out shortly after the New Year, I think. My dad fixed it for now, and then his truck died. So it's kind of a good thing that I haven't found a job, else one of us wouldn't have a way to get there and it would be a hassle.

Have you ever wanted to know what it's like to be poor? Have you ever wanted to be in the circumstances of people like Moody, that you have to be completely dependent on God, because you have nothing else? I have. I've wanted to be the missionary wife who has no money, and four kids and a husband to feed. The person who prays all day every day, because unless God provides, there is no food. Unless God gives money, there are no shoes for the kids, or clothes for that little boy who's just growing too fast. It's a terrifying thought if you think about it humanly. Terrifying and idiotic to actually want that. And yet, in another way. . . it's really cool. Because you get to see God's hand even clearer, every day. :) And you get to see just how many of the things we think of as necessities are really luxuries when it comes down to it. Just how much can we do without?

It's an exciting thought. :)

I would just like to point out that it was requested that I blog and I have done so in a timely fashion. lol Unlike some people. . .

Christmas

I know it's been past Christmas for a bit now, but I was reading someone's blog and a question came to my attention. What is Christmas? Is it a day? Is it a time of year? We, as Christians, know what's it's "really about", but what IS it? Christmas is obviously a time to remember the incarnation of the Lord, but honestly, is there a time when you're in church, hearing a good sermon that you're not aware of that event? Is there a day when you don't think about your salvation and know it's because Christ was born, lived, and died for you? So what is Christmas?

To me, Christmas is amazing. Christmas is. . . so incredibly wonderful. It wasn't always, but lately, it has been. Christmas is Christmas because of family. And Christmas is Christmas because most of my mom's side of the family comes home. Home to Michigan. Home to a little house in the middle of a snow-covered corn field across the driveway from the house where my great-grandparents lived.

It's a little morbid but my grandma brought up the buying of grave plots in the cemetery where my great grandparents and my grandpa and my uncle are buried. Along with probably a bunch of other relatives that I'm not even aware of. It's home in life - it's home in death, in a way. I want to be buried there. I don't know if I will. I may very well give that up one day, but that little farm in Michigan will always be home on the earth. Because that's where family is.

And it wouldn't be Christmas without a theological discussion. =D How I love our theological discussions! Whether or not you say a word, to sit and listen to greater minds debate the minute details of faith and the Bible and to see how they draw their way of thinking from a Biblical basis. Whether it's a debate, or just building on other people's thoughts. Whether it's a heated argument where people have to raise their voices to shouting in order to be heard, or a quiet conversation between two people about the practical application of Scriptural principles in their life during some hardship. It doesn't matter. I love my family because we can all gather together and talk about our God in a way I've never experienced anywhere else, nor do I know of anyone outside of our family who has anything similarly wonderful. It is awing and beyond description of beauty and blessing. And I know that there are others in my family who feel the same way. =) So it's not just me being whacked. =D