Spiritual Things

A little while ago, God began to show me some things in my life that weren't anywhere close to where they should be, and how I'd lost my focus. In essence, I was like the church at Ephesus - I'd left my first love and even though I was still doing everything I'd been doing before, there was no joy in it. There was no thrill to being in church, to playing the piano for the service, or being in the Word. The joy of the Lord - and thus, my strength in life - had been taken away.

Last summer, I felt weary all the time. There were good days still, but mostly, I felt exhausted. I thought it was because I didn't sleep as much as I had been. No doubt that was part of it, but now I think it was mostly because I was so focused on me. It took me half the semester, getting more and more depressed with life when finally a friend of mine said something to me. It was completely unrelated to my problem, but my response to it was awful. And I knew it was awful. That just shows how the Holy Spirit can use anything to show a person their shortcomings. (It's really cool in hindsight. At the time I kinda felt like I'd been slapped in the face. And that I totally deserved it.)

Today was amazing. For a few reasons. First, the preaching was awesome. Or maybe it was the same as always and God was just working in my heart more. Second, my cousin and I got to spend the afternoon together and pray and discuss our spiritual needs and short-comings and things we can do (in the strength God is pleased to give us) to fix them. It was great. :) And then tonight, in the choir we sang this song from Romans 8. . . For a long time (years; maybe many years; it's one of those things I don't ever remember really not being there), I've struggled with being able to trust myself. I mean, we all know the verse Jeremiah 17:9. Our hearts are deceitful. So how can I ever know that what I'm doing is right? I mean, since God's will isn't laid out for us in step-by-step, specific, daily instruction, how do I know what's best in the decisions I have to make every day? Romans 8 - the last part of the chapter - it says that nothing can separate us from the love of God which we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. Every sermon or reference that I've ever heard to those verses has never mentioned that includes us. I can't separate me from the love of God any more than being on a mountain can. God will protect me from my wicked heart just as much as He'll protect me from anything else.

Realizing that was . . . a big relief. =) God is good to us. :) It's amazing to me in moments like this that we can complain about things like the weather. Or the food in the dining hall. Or. . . the walk up the three flights of stairs in Old Main. I mean, seriously. . . Sometimes, we're worse than the Israelites. But God has yet to send a bunch of snakes to kill us. "For His mercy endureth forever."