Poetry

I started thinking in poetry lines this morning during church, as it happens occasionally. The subjects of my poems are often spiritual, so it seems to fit. Usually it's just a few lines or so, but this time I just kept going. My mind was in the right groove, I guess. Anyway, I started working on it tonight again, and I ended up with a page of poetry and I felt like posting it. So, here it is. I think I may end up adding more to it at some point. It seems. . . . unfinished. Too vague.

Chief of Sinners

The chief of sinners! that is me
The chief of sinners, now I see.
My heart is black, so dark with sin
My eyes are blind - can't see within
My ears so dull drown all else out
No more my conscience, seared, does shout
Twas all shoved back out of my way
For self I lived from day to day
Without a care but for my life
No thoughts to spare for others' strife
More terrible still, I see it clear,
No words of God would I dare hear
I shunned the thought and banned all talk
Of Christ and God and righteous walk
And then one day, I heard to me
Something none other could foresee
Only God in His matchless grace
Would think to save me from the race
To death - the road I'd tread before
Now by His love, I tread no more.
When He called, I could but obey
I knew He was the only way
His voice so quiet, strong and firm
My heart did change! Now I do yearn
To find Him - He Who ope'd my eyes
To have Him, love Him - greatest prize.
And now as His beloved child,
I find within Him nothing mild.
His pow'r and glory have no end
And at His side I'll stand a friend.
A friend of God! How can it be?
What glory is this gift to me?
To think that one day I shall see
My God - with Him to ever be.

Christmas

It is the 25th of December, 2008. It's Christmas Day. And yet, not Christmas for my family. We're weird like that. lol ;) Ours isn't for two days yet. Sometimes it comes early for us, but sometimes it comes later. This year was a later year.

I'm on "Christmas Break" but not really, since I'm not going back to school next semester. It's kind of sad. I'm going to miss people. A lot. I already do. But oh well. Plans are all good and nice, but when it comes down to doing them, something usually seems to get in the way. Like laziness. Or, lack of motivation. (Is that another way of saying lazy? /shrug) I want time off. I'm getting it, but I have this feeling I'm going to want more than I should and that's going to be bad, because I have no money and I'm not making any right now. I should get on that. Eventually.

I wished like 40 people Merry Christmas on Facebook after midnight last night. Hehe. It was fun. Got a little long, but it was still fun. It was kind of interesting how with most people, who I don't really know that well, I was all "Merry Christmas!!!" Lots of exclamation points and stuff, which is not how I am with people I trust or know very well. Hehe. And then with people I do, my tone (even in type you can tell) automatically changed. I found it interesting, but I'm probably boring anyone who might read this. Oh well.

Anyway, I shall be off. Merry Christmas. :) And in case I don't get around to posting again anytime soon, Happy New Year. :)

Why I'm not a Music Major

A) They kill themselves with practice time. Aside from all their other homework.
B) Generally speaking, they're not organized (or very logical) and they speak of things in very vague terms.
C) When I have to play in front of people, I start shaking. And it doesn't go away with time - it gets worse. If I were to have a half-hour platform, it would look like I was having a seizure.

So there you have it. Music majors are definitely their own breed - and they know it.

I took my first final this morning. Probably one of my easier ones, but since I had to play in front of my teacher and Mrs. Loggans (another piano teacher), I was nervous. My pedal foot/leg started shaking around the transition between Hymn 1 and Hymn 2 and would not be still. At least my hands were mostly good till I was done - then they started in as well. Hehehe.

I have another one (final) after chapel. I'm not really worried about it. It's Lifetime Fitness. /shrug

After that, we get to go clean for White Glove Check. . . . Yay. . . . :P I will say one thing about having more people in the room - you have less responsibilities. Especially if you take up the least amount of room. =) I'm mostly packed already. Makes me feel like I should be leaving this afternoon, but alas. 96 hours from now, I'll be leaving. . . I think. . . Around there.

It's extremely cold today. You can tell because the sun is shining. . . . lol My car was frozen shut this morning. The lock on my driver's side door is frozen too - couldn't get it open at all. I just had to pull really hard on the passenger side (after unlocking it) and it opened. Same with my trunk. I think I'll run my car for a little while and get it warmed up and then maybe it'll unlock again. Not that I really need it to, I guess. It doesn't seem like it'd be good for it though. . . Maybe it doesn't matter. /shrug What do I know about cars. lol Well, I should probably get over to chapel.

I have a huge Spanish test tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to at all. . . . So if anyone reading this (Aside from Mom, cause I know you're already praying. :)) would feel so inclined to offer up a request on my behalf, I'd appreciate it. I feel like I've been Spanish-ed out already, and it's a 14-page test. . . . Anyway. Off I go. Have a good day. Stay inside if you can.

Oo! I forgot! Something good - It was raining last night and then obviously the temperature fell drastically, and yet there really isn't that much ice, which is kind of amazing. :) I thought I might be slipping all the way up from the dorm. =D

Sunday at Even

I have a test tomorrow. In Spanish, again. I'm afraid of it.

How come parents don't stick with the rules they made for you? They tell you that you have to have your Christmas list in on time if you expect to get anything, and then they tell you that you have to have it in anyway, even if you don't really care, because they don't know what to get you. But when you tell them, what do they do!? They say things like, "I don't want anything. Really, don't worry about it." :P Hehe. (That was not to be read seriously, whatsoever.)

I can't express my happiness right now at not having to come back to school next semester. Don't get me wrong, school is good. I like it here. But I'm so sick of the school part of school right now. . . And the wind of Wisconsin. I love wind, but bitter cold wind that makes it so you can't see where you're going and whips the light, fluffy snow in your face so hard that it stings, that's not fun. I'll go back to Michigan, thank you very much. =) More snow, less cold, less wind. =D And trees!!! Michigan - the prefect mitten. Teehee.

Steph wants me to come for her recital next semester. I'd like to. In fact, I'd like to come back for a lot of things. Wear my jeans all around campus. Haha. ;) I doubt I would do that. I don't like sticking out. But anyway. I want to be here for the Great Lakes Music Festival, and the play, and Steph's recital, and the Baptist Fundamentalism Conference. Unfortunately, I have a bunch of debt and must get a job and work until it's all gone. Which is about six thousand dollars worth. . . . Pray I can get a better job than McDonald's, please? I don't want to go back there. . . Again. Also, it doesn't pay very well.

I can't seem to get it in my head that it's December and Christmas is coming. . . It felt like it when I was home, then I came back to school and it feels like February or something. . . I don't know. Not December though. Probably because I've never been away from home at this time. Just doesn't feel like Christmas. . . /shrug

It's that time again!

Time to make bizarre faces? Time to make fun of the Disney Channel? NO! Time for *drumroll* The Wheel of Morality!!

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn.
And the moral of today's story is! . . . . Moral #1 - People in glass houses should get dressed with the lights out.

But enough of the good ole days when we could sit and watch 3 hours of Animaniacs, thereby learning such valuable truths.

Today is the 2nd of December. Thanksgiving is over and become a distant and clouded memory because of sugar over-dosing. (First jellos, then pie (9 of them), then candy. It's a wonder we didn't all keel over.) Also because of the drowsiness caused by the turkey, and the simple act of being in a warm house with full bellies.

Once our heads cleared a little, we engaged in some games, the best of which was hitting people with a bat. (Speaking of bats, I saw one of the creatures on the ceiling of Old Main the other day. They're so cute!) Violent? Not really. It was padded and most people were afraid to use it.

Thanksgiving is a time of feasting. A time of fellowship, catching up with people you haven't seen for perhaps months. Fun and games! Also, a time to sleep and watch many movies. (Iron Man is awesome. And the new Indiana Jones is pretty cool too. Iron Man was awesome though.) I used to think that over such breaks, it would be cool to get homework done early. To get ahead. What I found, is that if you do get ahead, you end up being bored during school. Whereas, if you stay on track, you enjoy your break more, and you're able to stay busy at school with actual school and not video games or something. (Chip's Challenge, anyone?)

It's that time again. Time to go and be responsible. Time to accomplish something.
Perhaps a nap.

The Ending. . .

"It's the ending, the ending of our story. The ending. The ending!"

Ahem. I have to go back to school tomorrow. . . It's really hard. Even if it is only for two and 1/2 weeks. . . It's rough. It's also really rough trying to do homework while you're at home relaxing. I mean, it's called Break for a reason. Oh well. Things must be done.

Good points about this week: 1) I got to see my family. :) I've missed 'em. 2) Jess came with. Made it more interesting. 3) Got to have Thanksgiving Dinner twice! Hehehe. There was so much pie. . . 4) I figured out that I don't have to get a new bow for my violin! =D And had an awesome time playing it. *content sigh* I love my violin. 5) I get to see my church people tomorrow. :) Yes, I called them "MY church people." Because you know what? They're family too. :) 6) I get to play in church tomorrow. It's been a while, and I miss it sometimes. Not the offertory, but the congregational playing. I miss that. 7) My car is still running. That's kind of amazing. 8) Oh, and it only cost me $14 to fill up. Not that it was on empty. But still. When I went to school at the beginning of the semester, that much gas would've cost me closer to $35. That's a big difference. 9) I've gotten hugs this week. :) Blessed family. 10) I have the most amazing parents.

Well, anyway. I didn't have a lot to say. Just not looking forward to going back, but so happy that I was able to come home. :) Holidays really are necessary things. =)

Happy Thanksgiving.

3rd Try

This is the third time this week that I've tried to write a blog entry. We'll see how it goes.

Church tonight was really good. It was from Micah 6: 1-8. Mostly verse 8 though. It was kind of interesting because I've been thinking about the need for humility a lot lately, and tonight that was one of the main points, and Pastor Loggans was talking about how we can be humble. Not that I'd never heard it before, or didn't know it, but it was different tonight because it really. . . applied directly, right now. It was cool. He also made an interesting correlation between thankfulness and humility as opposed to pride and ingratitude. That one I hadn't really realized before. Which was also cool.

These pringles have too much salty grease on them. . . Yet I still eat them. /shrug Addictive stuff.

It's only two days till Thanksgiving Break. =D How awesome is that! I'm excited. Well, I've been excited for like . . . a month, hehe. But I'm really excited. And it's only like 32 days till Christmas. When I come back from Break, I'll have, I think 20 days left of school. =) That is an awesome thought. I get to go home and stay home. :)

Water is good. It really is. For this health class I took, we had to drink 64 ounces of water every day. (Well, we were supposed to. . . Didn't really HAVE to.) It's crazy how much better you feel when you're drinking a bunch of water. Friday I didn't drink hardly anything. My skin dried out so badly. It was awful. Painful too. lol I still haven't recovered. Haha.

I think that Thanksgiving is going to be a smaller group this year. Hmm. Oh well. We'll persevere. =) Maybe we can play football! :D Futbol americano. Teehee. I have a Spanish test tomorrow that I haven't really studied for yet. I'll have to make my brother play a little no matter what. Bwahahaha! ;)

Arguments

I hate arguments. Debates, discussions - those are fine. Arguments, I'm beginning to despise. Arguments seem to be for the sake of contention, or the result of foolishness or outright sin. I hate them. I hate them yet the more when I'm the cause of them.

I think I made Dr. Morales rather unhappy with me today. I told him that telling us to memorize the whole chapter for the quiz when that's all we have to know for the test in two weeks didn't make much sense. But really, am I wrong? Quizzes are supposed to be parts of the chapter to help you learn each section before the test, aren't they? I don't get it. . . Oh well. I think he tends to get defensive easily because he's been attacked and stepped on before. . . . Hm.

5-page paper due Monday for my Biblical Counseling class. The only part about it that worries me is that we have to have 5 sources. I don't really understand the reason for sources. If what you say is logical and Biblical, what's the point of showing that other people agree with you? Why do people have to have the reassurance that other people agree with my point of view in order to change? Another mystery. I can understand if someone WANTS to put them in because other people have said things better. But to require them? . . . /shrug

My cousin and I have each been taking a Psalm per day and focusing on one statement that we get from it about God throughout the day. Well. . . Actually, I'm not really sure what exactly she's doing with it. . . . But we're keeping each other accountable to read a Psalm every day BEFORE school or work or whatever. Today's statement was, "The LORD is my King." Two days ago it was, "The LORD is my Father." There's an awful lot that goes into those few words. It's kind of incredible.

The past few days have been dreary and rainy. Cold rain makes me feel down. Snow makes me happy. . . Hehe.

Random info: Did you know that a "chemical imbalance" can't actually be proven as a real thing? So all those anti-depressant drugs? Yeah, no one knows how they work. Which makes complete sense as to why some people react completely differently to them than others. Why do some people get more depressed when they're on anti-depressants? 'Cause who knows what the drug is really doing! Also, bi-polar or manic-depressant isn't really a sickness or anything. It's just a description of behavior. I thought that was really interesting. . .

If I say or do something that strikes you as particularly arrogant, slap me. Or . . . the internet equivalent of a slap, I guess. I've been noticing an awful lot of pride in my life lately, so at least don't let me exercise it if you can help me, okay? Thanks!

Giving of Thanks

I owe my brother money again. . . And I owe my cousin money. . . And I owe my roommate. . . And I owe the girl down the hall. . . I'm starting to see a pattern here. And I don't like it. On the other hand, it's very nice of all those people to lend me money till I can pay them back (which shouldn't be too long). I should really probably stop spending money. . . And I should really take that thing back to Wal-mart because that's another $15 or so. . . And I need to fill up my car. . . Hm.

But anyway. Giving of Thanks. We went through the book of Psalms today in OT Survey. I like the Survey classes. You have to read a lot really fast, but otherwise, they're really good. General and broad, but sometimes we get so into the details, we miss the big picture. Or we just forget to teach the big picture to the younger generation completely. Anyway. I like the Psalm of Moses. Somewhat because it was written by Moses and I like the little caption above it. "A Psalm of Moses, the man of God." It makes me happy. I hope that it can/will be said/written of me when I'm dead for 3500 years that I was a woman of God.

I'm not a very thankful person. Most of the time, I don't see a need for the nice things people do for me. It's sort of a "Well, thanks, but you really didn't have to" type thing. . . I just don't really care if they're nice or not. Most of the time. But it's not supposed to be about what I think. It's about what they did, and that they thought about me and were nice enough to go beyond normal bounds. And so they should be thanked and appreciated.

I got more work today! =D YES! Have I mentioned I love my little job? It's awesome. Getting to read and type class notes for Bible classes is the best thing ever. Haha. Yeah, it's awesome. I love it. I'm going to miss it. . . The rest of school? /shrug

Oo! I just found my pencil! :D (I've had it for like eight years and I couldn't find it. Not a big deal, but I like the pencil.) It's a good day. Rainy and dreary outside, but a good day. 13 days. =)

Spiritual Things

A little while ago, God began to show me some things in my life that weren't anywhere close to where they should be, and how I'd lost my focus. In essence, I was like the church at Ephesus - I'd left my first love and even though I was still doing everything I'd been doing before, there was no joy in it. There was no thrill to being in church, to playing the piano for the service, or being in the Word. The joy of the Lord - and thus, my strength in life - had been taken away.

Last summer, I felt weary all the time. There were good days still, but mostly, I felt exhausted. I thought it was because I didn't sleep as much as I had been. No doubt that was part of it, but now I think it was mostly because I was so focused on me. It took me half the semester, getting more and more depressed with life when finally a friend of mine said something to me. It was completely unrelated to my problem, but my response to it was awful. And I knew it was awful. That just shows how the Holy Spirit can use anything to show a person their shortcomings. (It's really cool in hindsight. At the time I kinda felt like I'd been slapped in the face. And that I totally deserved it.)

Today was amazing. For a few reasons. First, the preaching was awesome. Or maybe it was the same as always and God was just working in my heart more. Second, my cousin and I got to spend the afternoon together and pray and discuss our spiritual needs and short-comings and things we can do (in the strength God is pleased to give us) to fix them. It was great. :) And then tonight, in the choir we sang this song from Romans 8. . . For a long time (years; maybe many years; it's one of those things I don't ever remember really not being there), I've struggled with being able to trust myself. I mean, we all know the verse Jeremiah 17:9. Our hearts are deceitful. So how can I ever know that what I'm doing is right? I mean, since God's will isn't laid out for us in step-by-step, specific, daily instruction, how do I know what's best in the decisions I have to make every day? Romans 8 - the last part of the chapter - it says that nothing can separate us from the love of God which we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. Every sermon or reference that I've ever heard to those verses has never mentioned that includes us. I can't separate me from the love of God any more than being on a mountain can. God will protect me from my wicked heart just as much as He'll protect me from anything else.

Realizing that was . . . a big relief. =) God is good to us. :) It's amazing to me in moments like this that we can complain about things like the weather. Or the food in the dining hall. Or. . . the walk up the three flights of stairs in Old Main. I mean, seriously. . . Sometimes, we're worse than the Israelites. But God has yet to send a bunch of snakes to kill us. "For His mercy endureth forever."