Joyful Living

Joyful living is something that used to come very easy to me. Looking back, I feel like my emotions were fairly consistent - lonely or happy. I’m sure.there was more of a range than that, but the two that stick out the most are those. Lonely. Or happy.

Things have changed a lot since I had kids. Highs are higher, but lows are lower. My loneliness has decreased dramatically, but so has my happiness. I seek out my son and tickle him to feel something good, but it doesn’t last.

It’s been a big struggle since my bout of PPD after Evelynn’s birth. I LOVE my family. But, too often, I let myself hang my happiness on them. On whether the day is going well. On whether they are listening and being kind. On whether my husband helped me with things. I struggle with joy.

Something has been brewing in my mind for the past few days. When I’m joyful, I naturally start to think about eternity. There are parts of it that are hard for me to imagine. I don’t know what it’s going to be like to be close to Jesus, to be able to see His face. I don’t know if we’re going to speak, or if hugs are something you can do with your Creator. I don’t know any of that, so my thoughts tend to go to more ... mundane things. And yet, so FAR from mundane.

It’s easy to think about running with deer and feeling healthy and strong. It’s easy to think about having energy and exploring the world. It’s easy to think about talking to angels and asking them what it was like. It’s easy to think about EVERYONE having a testimony that is heard and loved - because no matter the nature of your conversion, the facts are that God chose you and loved you and brought you to Him.

It’s easy to think about the singing and the playing and the celebrating. And thinking about eternity, my joy starts to grow. I get excited. I think about the blessing of going to church - but without the stress of before and after. I won’t have to get five people ready to go somewhere and I won’t have to think about feeding them and naptimes.

I don’t resent those things; but like Paul said, single people don’t have as may earthly thoughts to distract them from the goal.

And that’s eternity. That’s the mark! That’s the JOY set before us. That makes our suffering sweeter, and our pain endurable. It makes our desires here shrink in comparison and makes our trials seem small. Because eternity is SO BIG!

So I guess I have a new goal for this year as well. When I feel my joy slipping,  I need to remember the real goal.  I need to look forward as Jesus did, as Paul did.