I was reading the other day in Exodus 3 (verse 15) and something interesting jumped out at me. It probably wouldn't have stuck except that I'm a mom now. On multiple occasions since Evelynn was born I've heard or been told that eventually I will now longer be "Jenn" to most people. I will be "Evelynn's mom." And then I read Exodus 3.
"...Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, The LORD God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath sent me unto you: this is My name forever, and this is My memorial unto all generations."
For a long time I've known that Jesus changed forever when He took on humanity. I've known that He will always have a human nature combined in perfect unity with His divinity. However, I had never realized that the entire Godhead had changed their identity in a way for the sake of His people.
Obviously I don't mean to say that God is different in His person or His essence. We know that God does not change in that way. But He changed in the way He made Himself known. He adopted us and made us His children. He is the God is Abraham and Isaac. And He will be forever.
For the rest of eternity He will be known as our Father, our Brother, our Guide. It's one of those things that I knewk but I had never really thought about. God can be identified by Us. By me. Just as I can be identified as Zack's wife or Evelynn's mom. How humbling and incredible! God chose to be known as My Father. Not just to love me and care for me but to tie His name to me.
That is a marvel to me.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Clothes
I was never one for clothes shopping growing up. It wasn't until I was nearing twenty that I finally realized going clothes shopping with the right person (people?) could even be fun. The only person I've really enjoyed it with (that I recall) is my mom, but I like to go by myself sometimes.
Consequently, I wasn't prone to spending my money on clothes. And therefore, I didn't have nearly as many clothes as many girls my age. I was never lacking and I don't regret it in the slightest, but now I'm discovering that you kind of have to buy clothes on a regular basis or you do run out. They get holes and stains - faster when you have a little one.
So I went shopping on Monday and bought three things from Goodwill (because I'd rather put in some extra time looking/sorting than have to spend $20-$30 on a pair of pants). And then I realized that, aside from one maternity shirt that I bought whilst pregnant, I hadn't bought myself any clothes in over a year. In fact, in the two years we've been married, I think I've bought myself four things total - two pairs of shorts, a dress, and that maternity shirt. I probably would have had to buy more, but my mama sends me boxes regularly and they often have clothes in them.
Anyway. It kind of hit me funny because I know more than a couple people who LOVE buying clothes - or they just spend a lot of money on a few nice things. So I thought it was interesting.
In other news I trimmed my hair, but I didn't really have enough time to do much styling with it, so it's safely tucked away in a pony tail where no one can really tell what it looks like until I have a chance to mess with it some more. :)
Last of all, we're on schedule to make it to the home Bible Study tonight. This will be only the second the time that I've been since Evelynn was born, but I'm hoping that (with the time change and her longer wake times now) we'll be able to get out every week again. :) Or at least, MOST weeks. Haha.
Consequently, I wasn't prone to spending my money on clothes. And therefore, I didn't have nearly as many clothes as many girls my age. I was never lacking and I don't regret it in the slightest, but now I'm discovering that you kind of have to buy clothes on a regular basis or you do run out. They get holes and stains - faster when you have a little one.
So I went shopping on Monday and bought three things from Goodwill (because I'd rather put in some extra time looking/sorting than have to spend $20-$30 on a pair of pants). And then I realized that, aside from one maternity shirt that I bought whilst pregnant, I hadn't bought myself any clothes in over a year. In fact, in the two years we've been married, I think I've bought myself four things total - two pairs of shorts, a dress, and that maternity shirt. I probably would have had to buy more, but my mama sends me boxes regularly and they often have clothes in them.
Anyway. It kind of hit me funny because I know more than a couple people who LOVE buying clothes - or they just spend a lot of money on a few nice things. So I thought it was interesting.
In other news I trimmed my hair, but I didn't really have enough time to do much styling with it, so it's safely tucked away in a pony tail where no one can really tell what it looks like until I have a chance to mess with it some more. :)
Last of all, we're on schedule to make it to the home Bible Study tonight. This will be only the second the time that I've been since Evelynn was born, but I'm hoping that (with the time change and her longer wake times now) we'll be able to get out every week again. :) Or at least, MOST weeks. Haha.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Absent
I feel bad for not having written anything lately, but life is busy these days. Evelynn is growing and changing and being as cute as ever, though her little sin nature is starting to make itself more and more evident. Her giggles are the cutest. Last night she giggled several times just from me talking to her; I was really happy that Zack was home to hear it. Her laughter usually comes in the evening time, which makes those nights when Zack is off more special, I think. Occasionally, he even gets home from work early enough to see her before she goes to bed for the night.
And to see me before I go to bed, too. Hahaha.
We're getting settled into a new place and there are several new possibilities coming up. The company Zack works for is expanding and putting new stores in mostly in Texas, but they're planning to move north from there into the Midwest. Who knows? In five years, maybe Michigan will have WinCo - I think my mother would like that. It's possible that God is going to move us out of California, which is somewhat exciting for me. I would prefer not to go to Texas, since I think it's actually even hotter there than where we are in CaliLand, but it would definitely be cheaper to buy a house.
After several months of not being able to actually be in a church service, I made it this past Sunday. Sadly, Zack was home sick with a stomach bug, but since he was able to watch over Evelynn (and church starts at the same time as her nap time, so she was sleeping almost the entire time), it worked out well. I was able to sing with the people and take communion and listen to the entire sermon without getting distracted by trying to keep a baby asleep.
I've thought about putting her in the nursery - particularly when her Grandma Shrout is in there - but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. It was really nice to be in church. It was amazing to actually be able to follow along in my Bible as we turned to different passages. But she's only four months old, and I think I would spend as much time wondering about how she was doing as I would normally spend trying to get her to sleep in my arms. Maybe in another month or so. . . Or maybe after the time change happens next week and her nap time isn't supposed to start when church does. Haha.
Speaking of the time change, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping that we can all adjust to the new time while Evelynn stays on roughly the same schedule. And thus, she will suddenly be getting up at 8:30 in the morning instead of 7:30. That would be pretty awesome thing.
Last of all, we've been working on our RPG. Zack has made a bunch of tiles and I've been putting them down into a map. It's quite fun, if a little time-consuming. There are a lot of things I would like to do these days, and I feel that I never have quite enough time. But I'm learning that it's okay not to get EVERYTHING done - as long as I get some things done every day, it's enough.
And to see me before I go to bed, too. Hahaha.
We're getting settled into a new place and there are several new possibilities coming up. The company Zack works for is expanding and putting new stores in mostly in Texas, but they're planning to move north from there into the Midwest. Who knows? In five years, maybe Michigan will have WinCo - I think my mother would like that. It's possible that God is going to move us out of California, which is somewhat exciting for me. I would prefer not to go to Texas, since I think it's actually even hotter there than where we are in CaliLand, but it would definitely be cheaper to buy a house.
After several months of not being able to actually be in a church service, I made it this past Sunday. Sadly, Zack was home sick with a stomach bug, but since he was able to watch over Evelynn (and church starts at the same time as her nap time, so she was sleeping almost the entire time), it worked out well. I was able to sing with the people and take communion and listen to the entire sermon without getting distracted by trying to keep a baby asleep.
I've thought about putting her in the nursery - particularly when her Grandma Shrout is in there - but I don't know if I'm ready to do that. It was really nice to be in church. It was amazing to actually be able to follow along in my Bible as we turned to different passages. But she's only four months old, and I think I would spend as much time wondering about how she was doing as I would normally spend trying to get her to sleep in my arms. Maybe in another month or so. . . Or maybe after the time change happens next week and her nap time isn't supposed to start when church does. Haha.
Speaking of the time change, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping that we can all adjust to the new time while Evelynn stays on roughly the same schedule. And thus, she will suddenly be getting up at 8:30 in the morning instead of 7:30. That would be pretty awesome thing.
Last of all, we've been working on our RPG. Zack has made a bunch of tiles and I've been putting them down into a map. It's quite fun, if a little time-consuming. There are a lot of things I would like to do these days, and I feel that I never have quite enough time. But I'm learning that it's okay not to get EVERYTHING done - as long as I get some things done every day, it's enough.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
So Much to Show You
Zack and I were in the kitchen quoting Star Wars the other day (yes, that is rather normal for us; yes, we are that cool [aka, geeky]), and I got very excited about all the things that we get to introduce to Evelynn. Star Wars and ice cream and picnics and pizza and late-night walks and football. So many things that make life a little bit more enjoyable.
And then I had this thought: "I wonder if that's how God feels about bringing us to Heaven." Is He just waiting for us to "grow up" so He can show us more? So He can give us even greater things to experience?
At first I was thinking about all the physical things that He could show us - like I can give Evelynn ice cream in a year or so. I really doubt that the Earth is the end of God's imagination. I really doubt that God doesn't have designs for new animals, even better Grand Canyons, more magnificent Niagra Falls.
But really, that stuff isn't what makes Paradise Paradise. God is. What makes it Paradise is that every new physical thing we see, is going to be another perfect picture of God, not the tainted view we have now. Like you could cover a wall with photos that show the same person from a thousand different angles with a thousand different expressions, the world reflects Who God is. Different angles, different aspects, different emphases, different characteristics.
It wasn't just the idea of showing Evelynn things; it was the idea of seeing her get excited about things, of seeing her enjoy the same things that Zack and I enjoy. It was the thought of seeing her start to form opinions and remark about things in her individual way.
I know that there are Christians who long for the days where they won't be fighting with themselves anymore, when they can do as they want to and glorify God with all they are all the time. I think God is waiting with just as much excitement about it. Probably more because He knows exactly what it's going to be like, while we just have ideas.
It's fun to think about going someplace you love; it's even more fun to think about being greeted with warmth and happiness and excitement. Imagine walking through the gates of the City of God and Jesus walks up, hugs you and says, "I have so much to show you!"
And, oh yeah, there's all the other people who've gone before you who want to tell you about the things they love best, too.
And then I had this thought: "I wonder if that's how God feels about bringing us to Heaven." Is He just waiting for us to "grow up" so He can show us more? So He can give us even greater things to experience?
At first I was thinking about all the physical things that He could show us - like I can give Evelynn ice cream in a year or so. I really doubt that the Earth is the end of God's imagination. I really doubt that God doesn't have designs for new animals, even better Grand Canyons, more magnificent Niagra Falls.
But really, that stuff isn't what makes Paradise Paradise. God is. What makes it Paradise is that every new physical thing we see, is going to be another perfect picture of God, not the tainted view we have now. Like you could cover a wall with photos that show the same person from a thousand different angles with a thousand different expressions, the world reflects Who God is. Different angles, different aspects, different emphases, different characteristics.
It wasn't just the idea of showing Evelynn things; it was the idea of seeing her get excited about things, of seeing her enjoy the same things that Zack and I enjoy. It was the thought of seeing her start to form opinions and remark about things in her individual way.
I know that there are Christians who long for the days where they won't be fighting with themselves anymore, when they can do as they want to and glorify God with all they are all the time. I think God is waiting with just as much excitement about it. Probably more because He knows exactly what it's going to be like, while we just have ideas.
It's fun to think about going someplace you love; it's even more fun to think about being greeted with warmth and happiness and excitement. Imagine walking through the gates of the City of God and Jesus walks up, hugs you and says, "I have so much to show you!"
And, oh yeah, there's all the other people who've gone before you who want to tell you about the things they love best, too.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year
I was thinking about how people write down all the stuff that happened to them in the previous year, and at first I thought it was kind of silly and overdone. Be original! was my take. But then I thought about it a bit more and I thought, why not? Why not take this, such a wonderful opportunity, and use it to share what God has done this year?
So here's my list of things that were important to me in 2012.
Found out I was pregnant.
Celebrated our first anniversary.
Visited Michigan twice.
Got a new niece.
Started a new blog - "Freedom in Christ."
Made a new friend.
Had four small jobs to help with expenses.
My little sister became a teenager.
Had a baby!
My mom and sister came to visit.
Read/listened through the Bible twice.
Finished the rough draft of my novel.
There are a lot of other things that I could write, but those are the biggest things that happened. It's not really that long - I live a pretty normal life - but there's a lot that goes into some of those. There have been some hard times this year, particularly the past few months; but I'm happy that I can start a new year in a good place.
"... thanks be to God which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
So here's my list of things that were important to me in 2012.
Found out I was pregnant.
Celebrated our first anniversary.
Visited Michigan twice.
Got a new niece.
Started a new blog - "Freedom in Christ."
Made a new friend.
Had four small jobs to help with expenses.
My little sister became a teenager.
Had a baby!
My mom and sister came to visit.
Read/listened through the Bible twice.
Finished the rough draft of my novel.
There are a lot of other things that I could write, but those are the biggest things that happened. It's not really that long - I live a pretty normal life - but there's a lot that goes into some of those. There have been some hard times this year, particularly the past few months; but I'm happy that I can start a new year in a good place.
"... thanks be to God which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Thursday, December 13, 2012
First Shots
Today, Evelynn got two shots at the pediatrician's office. It was probably as traumatic for me as it was for her. It's hard watching her get hurt, harder when Zack and I are the ones making the decision for her to get hurt.
And yet, we do it because we think it's best for her.
It occurred to me on the way home today that she won't remember that pain, but I will. The whole thing is very bright in my memory, not that I like to think about it. And then I wondered how much pain God had brought to me for my good that I can't even remember now. How many of my tears has He captured forever that I've long forgotten?
It puts things in a different perspective. She didn't do something to deserve that pain. It wasn't a punishment. It wasn't discipline. It was for her to have a happy healthy life.
Having made that decision for her, it makes me wonder how much God has hurt for me when I'm in pain that I never appreciated before. Somehow, I always assumed that knowing something is good for someone takes the pain out of it. Somehow, I thought because He knows it's best that He didn't hurt for me.
I'm not looking forward to the next bout of shots; I wonder how much the Father wasn't "looking forward" to the cross. We know about Jesus' side of it, about His prayer in the garden. I don't think we usually think of the Father's side. After today, I think He was weeping right along with His Son.
And yet, we do it because we think it's best for her.
It occurred to me on the way home today that she won't remember that pain, but I will. The whole thing is very bright in my memory, not that I like to think about it. And then I wondered how much pain God had brought to me for my good that I can't even remember now. How many of my tears has He captured forever that I've long forgotten?
It puts things in a different perspective. She didn't do something to deserve that pain. It wasn't a punishment. It wasn't discipline. It was for her to have a happy healthy life.
Having made that decision for her, it makes me wonder how much God has hurt for me when I'm in pain that I never appreciated before. Somehow, I always assumed that knowing something is good for someone takes the pain out of it. Somehow, I thought because He knows it's best that He didn't hurt for me.
I'm not looking forward to the next bout of shots; I wonder how much the Father wasn't "looking forward" to the cross. We know about Jesus' side of it, about His prayer in the garden. I don't think we usually think of the Father's side. After today, I think He was weeping right along with His Son.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Navy Shoes
I've been looking for good navy dress shoes for a long time. I found these online - not perfect, but I like them.
Shoes
I wonder why navy shoes have such a tendency to be suede. . . . Do people LIKE suede??? Oh well.
Shoes
I wonder why navy shoes have such a tendency to be suede. . . . Do people LIKE suede??? Oh well.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Smiles
She smiled at me tonight.
Evelynn has smiled before. Real smiles, too. But this was the first time she smiled AT ME. And it wasn't a passing smile either. It was a long smile. She was falling asleep in my arms and I touched her cheek and she smiled at me. Really big and beautiful, she gave that toothless grin that makes her look so contented. I wish to the highest heavens that I could have taken a picture of that smile to show everyone. I suppose I'll have to be satisfied with my mental picture.
Then she closed her eyes and the smile went away. When I got over my momentary giggling bout, and ceased kissing her soft, pudgy cheek, I said, "Mama loves you." And she smiled at me again.
Evelynn has smiled before. Real smiles, too. But this was the first time she smiled AT ME. And it wasn't a passing smile either. It was a long smile. She was falling asleep in my arms and I touched her cheek and she smiled at me. Really big and beautiful, she gave that toothless grin that makes her look so contented. I wish to the highest heavens that I could have taken a picture of that smile to show everyone. I suppose I'll have to be satisfied with my mental picture.
Then she closed her eyes and the smile went away. When I got over my momentary giggling bout, and ceased kissing her soft, pudgy cheek, I said, "Mama loves you." And she smiled at me again.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Motherhood
I'm a mom.
It's kind of a simple thing to say. It probably carries a lot of differing ideas for people depending on what kind of mom they had. I feel like I've suddenly aged or matured or something. It happened all at once. It wasn't a gradual increasing. It was a massive leap, and I'm not sure exactly when it happened. I wasn't a mom; now I am. That part has a definite time; but when did it happen internally? I'm not sure. I feel like someone very different.
And at the same time, I feel . . . too young. I wonder how in the world I'm mature enough to be living in an apartment 2,000 miles away from my parents. I wonder how I can possibly be old enough to have been married for nearly two years. I wonder when exactly it happened that I ceased being a teenager.
I'm a mom??? Yeah. I'm a mom.
And an overprotective one. I've never wanted to hold other people's babies. It's not that I dislike holding them, but I've never seen someone else's baby and wanted to hold it. Usually I accept when they offer because I would feel rude saying, "No, I don't want to hold your baby." That's just not what people do. Sometimes, I accept because I want an unhindered view and holding a baby is the best way to see them.
However, I find that I don't want anyone else to hold my baby. I don't like it when aunts and uncles hold her for more than a few minutes. I don't like handing her off to church people at all. I'm okay with Grandparents having her for a bit longer, but that has its time limits as well. When there are people around, I'm good with me or Zack and that's about it.
I don't really feel like that's a bad thing, although I suppose at some point I'm going to have to be able to leave her with other people. . . . Maybe by that time I'll be less clingy. Haha. I've heard of kids having separation anxiety, but I wonder if it's common in mothers, too. I certainly get it.
It's so weird. I have a labor story. I have a birthing story. I could give people nursing advice or at least inform them of things that were problematic for me.
We're not just a couple anymore; we're a family. It's a funny thing - I can hardly wait for the next one. No, I don't want to be pregnant again. No, I don't want to go through labor again. No, I don't really want to have another birthing story. But I do want our next addition. 'Cause I'm a mom now.
It's kind of a simple thing to say. It probably carries a lot of differing ideas for people depending on what kind of mom they had. I feel like I've suddenly aged or matured or something. It happened all at once. It wasn't a gradual increasing. It was a massive leap, and I'm not sure exactly when it happened. I wasn't a mom; now I am. That part has a definite time; but when did it happen internally? I'm not sure. I feel like someone very different.
And at the same time, I feel . . . too young. I wonder how in the world I'm mature enough to be living in an apartment 2,000 miles away from my parents. I wonder how I can possibly be old enough to have been married for nearly two years. I wonder when exactly it happened that I ceased being a teenager.
I'm a mom??? Yeah. I'm a mom.
And an overprotective one. I've never wanted to hold other people's babies. It's not that I dislike holding them, but I've never seen someone else's baby and wanted to hold it. Usually I accept when they offer because I would feel rude saying, "No, I don't want to hold your baby." That's just not what people do. Sometimes, I accept because I want an unhindered view and holding a baby is the best way to see them.
However, I find that I don't want anyone else to hold my baby. I don't like it when aunts and uncles hold her for more than a few minutes. I don't like handing her off to church people at all. I'm okay with Grandparents having her for a bit longer, but that has its time limits as well. When there are people around, I'm good with me or Zack and that's about it.
I don't really feel like that's a bad thing, although I suppose at some point I'm going to have to be able to leave her with other people. . . . Maybe by that time I'll be less clingy. Haha. I've heard of kids having separation anxiety, but I wonder if it's common in mothers, too. I certainly get it.
It's so weird. I have a labor story. I have a birthing story. I could give people nursing advice or at least inform them of things that were problematic for me.
We're not just a couple anymore; we're a family. It's a funny thing - I can hardly wait for the next one. No, I don't want to be pregnant again. No, I don't want to go through labor again. No, I don't really want to have another birthing story. But I do want our next addition. 'Cause I'm a mom now.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
In the Dark
Schedules are pretty important. I like having a schedule, even if it's a loose one that can get tossed in the air. I like having a plan.
But sometimes, plans just fall all to pieces. I had plans for how childbirth was going to go. I had expectations (which, looking back, was really dumb, since this was my first time) about how things were going to go and I had plans for how I wanted to deal with it.
Well, nothing went according to plan. Sunday, October the 28th was the longest, hardest, most exhausting day of my life. It was, to be perfectly honest, a horrible day. I ceased to be able to think, I quit trying to care about things like not getting an epidural - all I wanted was to sleep, and I'd have settled for getting knocked out or dying. But it didn't matter. I was pain-free, completely numbed from the waist down, worn out to the point of crying over everything and nothing, and I still could not sleep.
It was not a happy day; but it was a good day. It was the most trying day of my life, and I failed a lot that day. I fell to pieces so many times. I reached the point of wanting to die. I couldn't think of how to pray for anything, so I laid there praying, "Help me. Oh, Father God, please help me."
My little girl came that day. God did help me. Zack was amazing. It was good; it was over; things were getting better; we were back on schedule.
And then they came in and told us that Evelynn's bilirubin count was too high and she needed phototherapy. And it all happened again. My plans, my schedule, my ideas for how things were going to go - it was all gone, and I was standing next to her bassinet for the next three hours trying to console my baby.
There's been no schedule since then. There's been no plan, and I hate it. And I know I shouldn't, because there is a plan - I just don't know it. There's always been a plan, a plan far better than mine.
We don't like being in the dark. When Evelynn had to stay in those lights, she had to wear these goggles to protect her eyes. It was the goggles more than anything else that she hated. She hated the dark. But it was best for her, and she was better off when she trusted Mom's and Dad's voices and was still.
I'm in the dark. I don't know what I'm doing; I don't know where we're headed and there are too many scary things that I can imagine. I don't have a schedule and I don't know how to get one back. And every time I try to plan, it falls apart on me. I have lost everything that I was going to do for her. The real kicker is that SHE doesn't seem to be any worse off for it. It just makes me feel like I'm failing.
So I'm going to try to do what I wanted my little girl to do that day; I'm going to try to rest in God's words; I'm going to try to lie still in the dark for as long as He says I need it; I'm going to try to trust His hand as it firmly pulls my goggles back in place.
And I'll probably be freaking out later today and need God to hold my hand and whisper, "Shhhh, it's okay, little girl. I'm right here."
But sometimes, plans just fall all to pieces. I had plans for how childbirth was going to go. I had expectations (which, looking back, was really dumb, since this was my first time) about how things were going to go and I had plans for how I wanted to deal with it.
Well, nothing went according to plan. Sunday, October the 28th was the longest, hardest, most exhausting day of my life. It was, to be perfectly honest, a horrible day. I ceased to be able to think, I quit trying to care about things like not getting an epidural - all I wanted was to sleep, and I'd have settled for getting knocked out or dying. But it didn't matter. I was pain-free, completely numbed from the waist down, worn out to the point of crying over everything and nothing, and I still could not sleep.
It was not a happy day; but it was a good day. It was the most trying day of my life, and I failed a lot that day. I fell to pieces so many times. I reached the point of wanting to die. I couldn't think of how to pray for anything, so I laid there praying, "Help me. Oh, Father God, please help me."
My little girl came that day. God did help me. Zack was amazing. It was good; it was over; things were getting better; we were back on schedule.
And then they came in and told us that Evelynn's bilirubin count was too high and she needed phototherapy. And it all happened again. My plans, my schedule, my ideas for how things were going to go - it was all gone, and I was standing next to her bassinet for the next three hours trying to console my baby.
There's been no schedule since then. There's been no plan, and I hate it. And I know I shouldn't, because there is a plan - I just don't know it. There's always been a plan, a plan far better than mine.
We don't like being in the dark. When Evelynn had to stay in those lights, she had to wear these goggles to protect her eyes. It was the goggles more than anything else that she hated. She hated the dark. But it was best for her, and she was better off when she trusted Mom's and Dad's voices and was still.
I'm in the dark. I don't know what I'm doing; I don't know where we're headed and there are too many scary things that I can imagine. I don't have a schedule and I don't know how to get one back. And every time I try to plan, it falls apart on me. I have lost everything that I was going to do for her. The real kicker is that SHE doesn't seem to be any worse off for it. It just makes me feel like I'm failing.
So I'm going to try to do what I wanted my little girl to do that day; I'm going to try to rest in God's words; I'm going to try to lie still in the dark for as long as He says I need it; I'm going to try to trust His hand as it firmly pulls my goggles back in place.
And I'll probably be freaking out later today and need God to hold my hand and whisper, "Shhhh, it's okay, little girl. I'm right here."
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