Crying Babies

Having a baby changed a great deal for me about the way I saw children in general. Abortion became more than something I knew was wrong. It became something I cannot stand. 

Other things have changed too, and one of them is what I can watch on TV. 

I can't stand movies or shows with crying babies in them anymore. They always bothered me a little, but now I can't stand them. Because while everyone else is acting, the baby isn't. I don't know what goes on behind the scenes and I'm sure that their parents are somewhere nearby - at least, I sincerely hope so - but still. The baby is not acting. 

And that's part of my entertainment??? Violence didn't bother me in movies because it's not real. Nudity does because it is. 

And crying babies are really crying. 

What Is Perfection?

I tend to think about this a fair amount. Mostly because I think that people (me too) have a very flawed view of what Heaven is going to be like. I know that what I thought about Heaven has changed a LOT over the years. Heaven will be perfect, right? So what is perfection? More specifically, what is HUMAN perfection?

Is perfection never being told "no?"
Or is perfection being able to be told "no" without having a bad attitude about it?

Is perfection never falling down?
Or is perfection never getting hurt from falling down?

I feel like we have this sort of over-achieving sense of what perfection is, like we expect that when we are in Heaven we will have the same kind of perfection that God has. As if we'll suddenly know everything and be able to execute everything without flaw. As if, in Heaven, we'll all have perfect voices with absurd ranges so that when we sing, no one will sound "bad."

I don't think that's what human perfection is. I think human perfection is seen in Christ - Who prayed for the cup to pass from Him and then accepted the Father's decision. He asked for something that wasn't going to happen, that He KNEW wasn't going to happen. Asking wasn't wrong. He even asked THREE times. Asking multiple times wasn't wrong. What would have been wrong, is if He refused or even gone to the cross with something less than complete willingness and surrender to the Father's will.

If we are all perfect at everything we try, then the body of Christ is no longer a body in Heaven. We will not have different gifts - we could all be the eye and the ear and the nose! That's never the picture we get from anything - not even the Trinity. They have and always will have their positions, their "gifts" as it were. They are diverse and yet perfect in their diversity. Their diversity, in fact, is part of what creates perfect harmony. I think, even in our thinking about Heaven, we are trying to become gods. We want it all.

I'm pretty sure that there are going to be artists and musicians and mathematicians and engineers and (fill in your blank) in Heaven. And no one is going to feel improperly about their skill set - either proud of it or embarrassed of it. And THAT is going to be perfection. It's going to be accepting God's way without reserve - not only accepting, but taking great joy in whatever task He has for me. It'll be being able to be told, "No, you may not build my temple, but you may gather the supplies" - and instead of any kind of negative response, I jump up and down like my daughter and get all excited because I get to "Help a Daddy!"

Evelynn loves helping. She helped me make cheesecake last night. She wanted to help with every part of it, but she couldn't. But she was still super happy with helping me pour the milk and hold the mixer. Because she loves helping me, being with me, doing something WITH me. The important part is not what she's doing - it's doing it with me.

Trusting

I wrote a post on Facebook the other day about some of the things that I've been struggling with recently, along with a poem that was difficult to write and difficult to mean. Sometimes, I don't know how I meant it or if I'll be able to mean it next time something happens. I hope so. With God's help, I will. I know that in the end, He will always bring me back.

This poem preceded the other one. This one... was not the finished product of God's working. This was not the end of the struggle, but mostly how I felt through the last three months or so.

This is where I was BEFORE He gave me faith.


I feel so lost and helpless
I feel that I've been thrown
Into the waves; they crush me
I have no breath to groan
The waters pull me down again
The storm is getting worse
Every time I think I see
The land, I get reversed.

Oh, God, where is the refuge?
My strength is almost gone.
If You do not bring me through
For me, there'll be no dawn

My cries are lost in thunder
My arms are weighted down
I cannot see a shoreline
Without You, I will drown
Where is the comfort of Your arms?
Where are the words of peace?
I cannot feel You, but I know
For You, the waves will cease.

Oh, God, You are my Refuge
My Rock, my Hiding Place
And in Your time, You'll bring me through
And I will see Your face.

You Cannot Stop Me

I'm an extremely pragmatic person. And I think this particular trait of mine has led to two particular developments. One of them has probably always been there, though I didn't recognize it. The other is more recent.

I'm pragmatic about the Bible/faith. Other people seem to have a hard time believing things that the Bible says. I don't understand that. I understand having trouble applying it; I understand struggling with surrendering areas of my life. I understand the sin side of things. I don't understand people who hear things from the Bible and say, "Yeah, I have a hard time with that." I don't understand people who mentally comprehend things, but they can't seem to commit to them because. . . . I don't even know why.

Don't get me wrong; I don't think there is something wrong with those people or that they aren't Christians or anything like that. I just can't relate to that response. I can't even really sympathize, let alone empathize.

The other thing is faithfulness or loyalty. I didn't realize how important loyalty was to me until I wrote my book. There are three main characters who are "the good guys." Each of them is extremely loyal. It doesn't matter what you do to them; it doesn't matter how you strain a relationship; nothing can stop it.

That's me. It's not an emotional thing. It's just the way things are. I have certain friends. There is absolutely nothing that they can do, short of killing me (or maybe my family), that would stop me from being their friend. Nothing. They can leave; they can not talk to me. But if they desire the friendship, it's there.

I don't have very many of those friends. It's something that I probably should work on being more active about. But there are certain people that I love; and they cannot stop me from loving them. Even if they never talk to me, they can't stop me from praying for them, from thinking about them, from wondering how they are, from checking up on them via the stalker-friendly wonders of social media.

In the last few days, I've gained a new one of these friends. We haven't talked much at all. Tonight was our first real conversation but I had already decided I was her friend on Thursday. A new thing has happened though - something new, and I find it exciting. It's spilling over into her family.

Friday, I saw her dad in the grocery store. Normally, I hate seeing people I know at the grocery store. I'm just trying to get my shopping done; I'm not there to talk. But I gave him a big, genuine smile and waved (we were on the opposite ends of long isles). That just doesn't happen.

I like making those friends. Even if they never know. Even if they leave. Just making them in the first place is awesome. Having no boundaries on how much you're going to pour into someone is a wonderful feeling. Requiring nothing in return, just dumping whatever kindness you have into them.

I love my friends. :)

Violence vs. Nudity and Swearing

It was just the way it was in my house. We were allowed to watch violence, but nudity and swearing were strictly monitored. Most of my life, I didn't think about why that might be. 

Was it because nudity and swearing were easier sins to fall into? Was it because they were worse sins?

I remember watching the movie Gladiator and my mom making a comment wondering aloud if we were any different than the Romans for getting entertainment out of watching people kill each other. 

And that's where I always had a problem and that's where MY distinction comes from. The violence I watch on TV isn't real. No one is actually being killed or hurt. No one in the movie The Patriot actually got their head or their leg blown off by a cannon. It's not real. Yes, those things happened in history- but what I'm seeing isn't real. 

When there is nudity in a movie, it's real nudity. It isn't made up. That is actually someone's body. When there is swearing in a movie, it's the actual swear word, delivered in the form of real swearing.

This is why modern war movies, where the soldiers and dressed in uniforms that look like the ones I see on real people are too much for me. I can't watch those movies - because the violence is too real for me. I can't separate it enough. Other people don't have that problem. But it's not the amount of violence that bothers me. It's the level of reality. 

Honestly, there's more actual violence in an airsoft game than in a movie. And that, for me, is why the swearing and nudity bother me, why I don't want to see that - and why the violence in most things does not. 

Blessed

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-dannemiller/christians-should-stop-saying_b_4868963.html

The above is a post that is going around Facebook. There is a lot of good stuff in it, but I take issue with his conclusion, and I'd like to lay it out with a little more detail than I feel is appropriate for a Facebook comment.

First, I want to state absolutely that I am in complete agreement with this writer about the horrendous thing that is called prosperity "gospel" which is really not good news at all. It is a lie, and Americans in particular need to get away from this idea. Stuff is not an indicator of the levels of our faith.

Second, if his point is that we need to focus on spiritual things instead of on material things, again, I completely agree. Focus on what God has done in changing you spiritually, not in what you have or don't have materially. Absolutely. Colossians 3:1-2

Unfortunately, that's not what I read. What I read is "material stuff is not a blessing; it's a trial." After just quoting the Lord Jesus when He said, (paraphrasing, here) "Blessed are you when men hate you" this writer claims that trials are suddenly not blessings.

Honestly, this writer seems very confused about what a blessing is. And part of the reason for that is that he's using as his definition a passage where Jesus is not defining anything. Jesus does not say, "You are ONLY blessed when...." He says that these groups of people are blessed. He doesn't say they are the only ones who are blessed, or that these listed blessings are the ONLY blessings. He is NOT defining blessing here. He is laying out principles.

So let's use the rest of what the Holy Spirit wrote, instead of just one passage, and see if we can broaden our understanding. I call your attention to the book of James. 1:17 - Every good gift comes from the Father. And then 4:13-17. What is the point of these? That God is in control of everything we do or don't receive.

Let's bring Romans 8:28 into this too though, because it's extremely important. Everything that happens or doesn't happen to a Christian is for their good.

And now we are armed for the climax. What is a blessing? A blessing is a good thing that happens to me; therefore, it is a gift from God. Everything that happens to a Christian is a good thing because it ultimately brings us closer to Him. Therefore, whether I get the job, or don't get the job, I am blessed. Whether I get the car or don't get the car, I am blessed. And I don't mean generally, and I don't mean just spiritually. I don't mean that I, as a person, am blessed in Christ (though I am). I mean not getting the job IS a blessing, and getting the car IS a blessing.

Let me flesh this out for you. My husband lost his job when we'd been married for about 6 weeks. It was a blessing. It was for our good both materially and spiritually. It was one of the biggest blessings we've had. It completely changed our outlook for the start of our new life.

Recently, we were able to purchase a second car. That was also a blessing from God. Without my husband getting a new job, without the health to work hard (which is a gift every day from the LORD), without so many things that God has done for us, we would not have been able to afford that car. And I would be missing most church services these days, because my husband has to go straight from work. If I didn't have a car of my own, I would not be able to get to church most weeks.

We have been blessed. Materially. With things being taken away and with things being granted. The great danger of not seeing material things as God's gifts, is that suddenly, you have no one to praise for them, except yourself.

The writer ends by saying that he's grateful. Grateful to who? For what? If he hasn't been given anything, then he has nothing to be grateful for. Think about this: How many unfaithed people (by that, I mean people who either don't practice their "faith" or don't believe in a deity) who will say they are blessed? They might be grateful, but ultimately, they're grateful to their boss for the raise, or their spouse for their hard work, or circumstances. They aren't grateful to God.

Saying, "I am blessed" automatically indicates, by the simple grammar of the word, that there is a Blesser. And generally, everyone knows that ultimately, you're talking about a deity.

The other danger of this is Gnosticism. If you follow this train of thinking far enough, you will come to the conclusion that material things are not only not good, they are bad. ONLY spiritual things are good. ONLY spiritual things are praiseworthy. This is heresy. God created EVERYTHING, the soul and the body. He created the world, and everything He created was good. We ruined our souls, but we still believe the spiritual is good. God's creation is full of good things, things that we need and enjoy. He made it for our benefit, and it is beautiful. If you say that a car or a house is not a blessing, then I say, neither is the Grand Canyon, neither is sleep.

Sleep is one of the best blessings I have experienced. And only God can give you good sleep. What we need to do is not stop saying we are blessed, we need to realize how much we are blessed. How many people take sleep for granted? A lot. I did right up until I had a baby and it finally hit me that I do not DESERVE a good night's sleep. I can't earn it. I can't make it happen. I can't make myself be rested in the morning. Even if I drug myself, it's a small chance that I'll wake up refreshed. Sleep is a gift from God. It's a blessing. And many of us take it for granted. Let's not stop telling how much God has blessed us. Let's start to realize how many things we never said were blessings from the Lord, and let's tell everyone about them. The times when He gave, and the times when He took away. We are blessed people.

Fear the LORD

A few days (okay, maybe a week or two) ago, there was a discussion on Facebook that basically boiled down to whether or not unregenerate sinners SHOULD fear the Lord. At least, that was my side of the argument, and people were arguing with me, so I think that's what it was about. I suppose there could have been misunderstandings, but I'm not sure where they would have come from.

I honestly don't think that you can make any kind of logical argument against the idea that unregenerate sinners shouldn't fear the holy Creator of everything. So, for the most part, this is going to be about Christians.

First, I want to ask: Why are Christians against the idea that God should be feared? Because God is loving? The argument that God shouldn't be feared because He is love, is self-defeating. If God is only love, then His love is not powerful. The "power of love" is seen (Disney even understands this) when it OVERCOMES something. What is God's love overcoming if God is only love?

If you reduce (or remove) God's wrath, you destroy the wondrous depths of God's love.

So let's go to Scripture to see what the Holy Spirit says about the fear of the LORD.

A quick word search (Bible Gateway is my friend) told me that the phrase "fear the LORD" is used 32 times in the Bible, and "fear of the LORD" is used 30. Sixty-two word for word references about a thing (and, by the way, it is NEVER used negatively) is kind of prevalent.

When the "fear of the Lord falls" on people (I Sam.11:7, Acts 9:31), it means they're about to respond properly in light of Who God is. When people act "in the fear of the Lord," they are doing what is morally right. Why? What is the fear of the Lord? Here are a few.

It's wisdom (Job 28:28; Ps. 111:10).
It's clean (Ps. 19:9).
It's worth teaching (Ps. 34:11).
It's the beginning of knowledge (Prov. 1:7, 29).

How does it affect us? What does it change in us?

When we fear the Lord we: hate evil (Prov. 8:13), have long life (Prov. 10:27, 14:27), enjoy confidence (Prov. 14:26), repent of sin (Prov. 16:6), are blessed (Ps. 115:13) and honored by God (Ps. 15:4). etc. etc. etc. Even when speaking about evil nations (II Chr. 17:10), when people fear the LORD, they act properly toward Him and His people.

What's more? This is a command. This is not a question. This is not debatable. Here are seven references that command it, and there are more. Deut. 6:13,24; 10:12, 20; I Sam. 12:24; Ps. 33:8; Prov. 23:17 ".... be thou in the fear of the LORD ALL THE DAY LONG." (Emphasis added.) Fear God. When? ALL THE TIME! Why? Because God is God, and we are not.

This is not something that is going to go away either. Hosea 3:5 says, "Afterward shall the children of Israel return, and seek the LORD their God, and David their king; and shall fear the LORD and His goodness in the latter days." This hasn't happened yet. David was dead when Hosea was writing and he's not coming back yet. The fear of the LORD started with Adam and Eve and it's going all the way through until time ends.

Now, when talking about the fear of God, I think you have to reference I John 4 - because if you don't, people are going to feel that the supposed question isn't properly answered. Specifically verse 18 which says perfect love casts out fear, but you have to read a bit to get the context. I think the whole thing hinges on verse 17, "Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world."

The argument that John is making is that the fear of God's WRATH does not belong in a Christian. Christians do not need to fear God's judgment. We who have been "made perfect in love" (made as He is) do not need to fear punishment from God. Perfect love, that is, love which has been perfected in us, casts out fear of punishment. There is therefore now no condemnation....

Fearing punishment (wrath, judgment, etc.) and fearing God are two very different things. Sinners - John makes this argument perfectly right here - have EVERY reason to fear judgment and God's wrath. It is common sense for them to fear the wrath of God, for them to be very terrified sinners in the hands of a very angry God. However, we know from many other Scriptures that Christians fear the LORD. (In fact, they are the ones who are usually fearing the Lord, so this is not fear of judgment on our part.)

Fearing God is not fearing consequences. It's fearing GOD. For as long as my parents were in authority over me, I feared them. Why? Not because of the consequences. If it were only consequences that I feared, I would have only feared when I'd done wrong. I feared them because I loved them, because I didn't want to disappoint them, because they were my authority, and I understood that I am flawed and cannot perfectly please them. I feared what my lack of perfection would do to our relationship.

That doesn't mean I walked around cowering. It does mean that, for instance, when I considered what to spend my allowance on, I seriously considered whether or not they would approve, whether or not it would make them happy if I spent the money that they gave me on something like that. Why? Because I feared them. This kind of fear is inseparable from love. They are joined ankle, hip, and shoulder, so that it can be very difficult to even attempt to see them separately.

Do you fear disappointing your spouse, your kids, your family, your in-laws? Why? Because you love them and you want a solid, good, open relationship; but knowing fallen humanity, you know that you will fail them.

Fearing God is about walking with Him, making every decision with the understanding that He is living in your heart. He knows what you're doing and why you're doing it, and you are grossly underestimating the depths of God's emotions if you think that He doesn't feel when we turn from Him, when we insist we know better, when we brazenly - or apathetically - worship something else (usually ourselves).

It makes everything about my relationship with Him. It takes the nebulous feeling out of it, and that makes it potent. And, now that I think about it, that's probably why Christians don't like it either - it removes the ability to coast. And many Christians these days LOVE to coast.

Blogging

I seem to have stopped blogging. I'm going to guess it's because I tell Evelynn everything. Why do I need to tell anyone else?

Just a thought.

I'm working on my second book. That's probably premature since I haven't heard anything back about the first one. But I like writing, and it's good for me, and eventually, I would really like to get the first one published. Myself, if I have to.

Zack is the one who really changed my mind about it. He talked to me about the whole thing. It was so fun; I loved it. =) And Kate always wants to hear about them. I can't imagine what she'd do if I just stopped writing. . . . . *shudder* ;)

I've been working on my typing skills again. I used to take typing tests and stuff frequently, but I haven't for quite some time now, and I noticed with my lack of writing and gaming that my typing was going downhill. 

What else. . . . What else. . . . There's the food thing, I suppose. Yeah, we're trying to eat healthier. It's a hard thing, but I think it's an important thing. What really got me this last time, was how against most medicine I am, how much I think it's mostly bad for us, and while it might treat symptoms, it's not going to fix anything. 

How can I be so against one bad thing that we put in our bodies, but not another? 

Mostly because the other was almost entirely my decision. I do the shopping and the cooking. If we're going to eat healthier, it's going to take more effort, time, and energy on my part. It's going to take thought, research, and mostly - time. I like time. I like my afternoons to be MY afternoons. But how can I say that vaccines are dangerous and then turn around and feed my husband and daughter Totino's Pizzas? That's just stupid. 

So I'm going to work on it. We had made a few changes, but it was so easy to get back into what I knew, what I was comfortable with, and mostly - what was fast and easy to make. Boxed stuff, bagged stuff. 

The other reason was the cost, but I'm not even sure that it's cheaper anymore. Some of it is. Seafood is not cheap; but making your own bread products (crackers, pancakes, basically anything with a flour base) can be both cheaper and healthier. If I save money on some things and spend more money on other things, who knows? Maybe my "unhealthy is cheaper" excuse isn't even true! 

It's going to be a process. It's going to take a while, but I have ideas, and right now I'm rather determined. There will be days when I succumb to the boxed noodles, and honestly, I can't imagine not doing the boxed cake - mostly because I like them so much better as far as I remember. But slowly, I hope and I anticipate that things will shift. Slowly, there will be more healthy food in the house than unhealthy food. Slowly, we will eat more vegetables than before and slowly, we will be healthier and be able to feel it! Maybe - maybe - it will be the answer to my restless leg syndrome or my headaches or my cramps.

Some things will probably never go. I can't imagine I'll ever not eat ice cream or that I'll ever make noodles from scratch (I've never even heard of that one); but some things will go and we'll be better off for it. Maybe I'll even have an herb garden one day. Evelynn would LOVE that. She's a big fan of plants and bushes in particular. I love that little girl. =)

And I'm very blessed because Zack is with me %100. It's going to be hard enough for me to do it; if he'd been even a little against it, I probably would have given up. But he wasn't, and I'm blessed. =) He was even coming up with ways to make cuts in our budget, so I'd have more leeway with the food budget. Makes me feel special. :D

Weakness

I've found something to be true in my life that the days I could most use help, the days I would most readily ask my husband, "Would you do such a thing for me?" are the days that I do not have that opportunity. They are the days when no one is available, the days when, even if I asked for the help, there would not be any. 

I don't say this to complain. God is teaching me to rely first on Him. In general, I have no trouble making quick prayers for help, but more and more I've come to realize that He's not just one of the options for help. He's the ONLY option. 

My non-Christian friends would say this makes me weak, that my reliance on God is a crutch that makes me short sell my own abilities, that my faith makes me weaker.

I disagree. I am already weak. Admitting it does not make me weaker. We are all weak; we were not created to live in a broken world where life is hard and trouble is plentiful. What strength we have has been given to us by God. Whatever help we receive has been ordained by God. What easy days come our way were ordered by God. 

None of us would make it through life without the grace of God. The grace of God gives us food to eat, jobs to work, air to breathe. The grace of God sends the rain to the just and the unjust. Without Him, I can not do this. With His help, I can follow Him through anything. 

The Goodness of God

God gave me a trip to Michigan in the Fall. I didn't ask for it; He just gave it to me. 

God gave me a new place, our place; I asked for it, I asked specifically that we could move in before Christmas, and He gave it to me.

God gave me a quiet neighborhood. I didn't ask for it; He just gave it to me.

He gave me a place where the trees change color, where it doesn't feel like summer all the time, where I can actually see and feel the change of the seasons.

And He gave me writing. I'm doing NaNo again this year. In July I didn't think I would ever do another NaNo. I didn't think I would have the time or the ability. For so many months, I couldn't have come up with either the time or the imagination and I thought that's how it would be. A few more months go by and here I am, able to sit at my computer and be creative.

God is so good to me. And I love Him. And when the next trial comes, I want to have this to see and read and remember. He was always there; and He was always good; and He always will be.

God loves me. And I love Him.