Yesterday

Yesterday, I was sad. I was heartbroken; I was in mourning.

Why? Because we heard that our bank account was going to be spent on our car. That doesn't sound good, does it? It sounds like loving money; it sounds like loving stuff.

It wasn't. It wasn't the money; it was what the money represented. It represented going home for Christmas, being able to donate more than change to RMD4Em. They were good plans, but they were my plans, and God was showing me something - I was making plans without saying, "if God wills." They were MY plans. They were nice plans; they were good plans; but they didn't take God into account. There was no addendum of, "If God allows us, this is what we shall do."

It was hard to think of missing Christmas with my family. It's a funny thing; yesterday, in my head, I was comparing myself to Abraham. I was thinking, God is testing me. God is asking me to put His will first, to say, "I know You know best. If You say I cannot go home for Christmas, then somehow, despite my understanding, I know that it is better for me not to go." Now, I know I wasn't being asked to sacrifice my child; but giving up Christmas with my mama, getting to introduce my dad to my little girl, spending the holidays with my siblings, getting to play in the snow? Those things are very dear to me. VERY dear.

And somehow, even though I made the same connection of God testing me, God asking if He is most important, I didn't think that He was going to tell ME, "Stop; put not forth your hand." I was not expecting to "get off easy."

I cried a lot yesterday. I couldn't sing; I could hardly talk most of the day; I was exhausted, but I couldn't rest. There was a hymn that came to mind early yesterday, and it just kept coming back to me. "All the Way my Savior Leads Me." All the verses were so fitting.

"All the way my Savior leads me; what have I to ask beside? Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my guide?" Such fitting questions! Did one day erase all that God had done for me?

"All the way my Savior leads me, cheers each winding path I tread, gives me grace for every trial, feeds me with the living bread. Though my weary steps may falter, and my soul athirst may be, gushing from the Rock before me, lo! a spring of joy I see." Jesus led me all the way. I was not alone; I was not without help, without grace. He hadn't left me to bear my burden without any hope, without any comfort.

"All the way my Savior leads me. O the fullness of His love! Perfect rest to me is promised, in my Father's house above." What was one year, compared to eternity with Him? One Christmas cannot compare with that!

He led us there; He led us out again.

This morning, we got a phone call. Our spark plug had been fused to whatever is under it. This morning, they got it separated. Between eight hundred and a thousand dollars LESS than what they'd told us yesterday. Today, God said, "Put not forth your hand." Today God spared my proverbial Isaac. Today, God turned my mourning into joy and laughter. Jesus led me all the way.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and His wonderful works to the children of men!