Growing Up

"Let God make a man out of him before you try to make a husband out of him."

I saw a meme today on Facebook with that caption. I'm not even going to get into the idea of me making anything out of someone else. What bothers me is this (seemingly prevalent) idea of having to wait until someone else is "done" before we get involved with them. It's very disturbing when taken as a general rule.

For one thing - I'm still not done. Are you? I certainly didn't feel qualified to be a wife when I got married. And I didn't feel qualified to be a mother when I had a baby. I'm still growing. I'm still maturing. I didn't feel like a I was old enough to be "Mrs. Shrout." Some people are never going to become "spouse material" until they're in the situation where they have to be. They're just never going to grow that way until they suddenly are in that place. I was never going to be ready to be a mom. Not ever. I am a mom. Am I ready? Ehhhh..... Sorta? I don't feel ready to have TWO, but guess what?

I'm not arguing that we shouldn't be careful or we should go with the first opportunity, but that's where having a relationship with God is vitally important. God uses other people and new circumstances to grow us. If we never extend grace to people to see how God will use us or other circumstances in their life to grow them, we're not being very grateful for the grace that God has extended to us.

This is where it really comes in handy believing that God has a specific person picked out for you and it's not really your decision at all - except to say "Yes, Daddy" or be a Jonah and run for it. All my life, that's been my view of marriage. There was someone that God had for me (and me for him). I just had to wait and pray and see who it was. And I had to be ready and willing to deal with whatever faults he had - because he was going to have them. Maybe there would be gigantic sin issues. Or maybe there would just be things that he did that drove me crazy (like the people who bounce their legs incessantly). Or, most likely, some of both!

The point was, it was never up to me to change him, or even to wait for God to fix him up before I would think about being in a relationship. It was my job to follow wherever God led - and if this was the guy, that meant being the best wife I could be, even if he was a terrible husband. Even if he was wrong, if he took our family in the wrong direction, if he was a bad father, if, if, if, if, if. Who he was was entirely irrelevant if that's who God wanted me to marry. Because if God wanted me to marry him, then he was automatically the best. No one else could ever be better than him.

Every decision is like that. If God wants me to work at McDonald's, then McDonald's is the best job for me. If God wants me to move to CA, then CA is the best for me. The easiness/hardness of my life is not what determines if it's good for me. I know what's best by knowing where God is directing - not by what looks or feels best.

(Right now, it would feel best for Zack to get promoted TODAY, for him to be put back on days, for us to get a signing bonus that takes care of a down-payment for a nice 4-bedroom house in the area, and for us not to have to move more than twenty minutes from church. That's what feels best. But - unless he gets a call today - it's not.)

There's a lot of people who don't think that way. They think marriage is all up to their discretion within God's principles (which pretty much just means marrying a Christian). If who I had married had been up to my discretion, I'd have NEVER gotten married. It was the scariest, hardest decision I ever made in my life. And I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't been sure that it was the one God wanted me to make.
 
God didn't have to give me an awesome husband. My life could be so much harder. He still has faults, but he loves God and he loves our family. And he works ever so hard to be better. (And he doesn't bounce his legs. =D)

And that's what I think people should be looking for - the person God has for them. Not someone who fits all their criteria, or someone who has their life in order, or someone who is "a man." Just look for the person that God has for you because that's where you are going to be best off and that's where you are going to be able to do the most good. Give them grace for everything else. Give them a chance to grow. Give them room to fail and encouragement to get up and try again.

How do you know who is the right person? James tells us to ask for wisdom because God gives it liberally. Ask.