I Know You By Name

There are quite a few verses in the Bible that refer to God knowing us or calling us by name. The most common explanation of what exactly that means for us is that God knows us intimately. We're not some person that He passes everyday on the street - He knows us. He knows our name and our position; He knows our personality, who we are.

Having recently found out that we are having a girl, we also now know her name. And it gave me a slightly different perspective on that phrase. I loved my baby when it was only "my baby" - before she was "my girl." I wanted the best for my baby. I considered and decided (hopefully even through the pain of labor) not to have an epidural because that would put my comfort before what I believe is the best for my child.

There were things that, when I looked ahead to the future, I had to brace myself against. Things that I would endure for the sake of the child, but ONLY endure because I had to, because there wasn't another way. Visits to the Dr., childbirth, nursing, the hormonal upset of the "Baby blues," myriads of dirty diapers, spit-up and not being able to stay clean through a single day - I was determined to trudge along through it by will-power and grit because there was no other option.

It's a different thing now. I know who it is that I'm doing this for. It's not just "the baby." It's not just even "my baby." It's my girl, and I know her name. It's not a chore now. It's an adventure, an act of love. Childbirth is going to be painful and hard and exhausting and I'm probably going to have a hard time remembering this feeling, but if I can, it'll be better and easier because it's not just something to get through.

All those things that I was dreading - they were because of "the baby." It wasn't a blame thing; it was a fact. If I hadn't been pregnant, I wouldn't need to go through any of that. It was because of the baby. It's not BECAUSE of her now; it's FOR her.

Christ died because of us; but that's not how God writes it. God says, Christ died FOR us. He knows our names.

And it was ridiculously hard to write this without sharing what her name is! Haha. I wonder if God has that feeling about the new names we're going to get in Heaven. I wonder if He feels anticipation at wanting to tell them to us. Hm. God feeling excited about something - not an idea I've pondered much. Another time perhaps. :)