According to the dictionary, shy as an adjective =
1. Being shy is being easily embarrassed. What's the most common reason people get embarrassed? I'd submit that it's because they're afraid of something. Sometimes, they should be afraid. They're ashamed of their sin and the consequences it will bring. But "easily embarrassed" sounds more like, embarrassed because I misspoke in front of people. That's either a lack of humility or an over-abundance of fear of man.
2. Easily frightened away. Not just easily frightened. Frightened so much that you can't keep moving forward. Frightened enough that you turn around and run. Being shy isn't just being afraid. Being shy is needing to get away from whatever is frightening you. It's not fear - it's a lack of courage in the face of fear.
3. Suspicious - inclined to suspect others, especially of evil. Hard to trust others, to take them at face value. Always looking for an angle. (This type of shyness can be cultivated in people by the actions of others. Take a trusting person and subject them to people who trick and then mock, and the trusting person will most likely start suspecting them. They change from being "gullible" to being suspicious.)
4. Gunshy, horseshy, etc. Someone who is afraid of something, and therefore is slow to get close to it or use it. They're afraid of what will happen; they're afraid they might get hurt or they'll hurt someone else. Wary of it, giving it a wide berth. I know someone who is horseshy - she's terrified of horses and will not get near them.
5. Not at ease in the company of others. This sounds to me like either 3 or 4, maybe a mixture. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of hurting others, suspicious of them, afraid of what might happen.
I hope it's clear that shyness, in general, is not good. It's a fear of man that disables you from existing properly with others. Being constantly suspicious of people doesn't follow the description of love in I Corinthians 13 - "[Charity] believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." Being easily frightened away certainly doesn't follow the idea of Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, He it is that doth go with thee; He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." The only thing we should be shy of is sin.
I've heard people refer to others as being shy who are reserved or quiet. Because they don't talk as much or don't share their opinions about everything in front of everyone. Because they're not really out-going or don't jump in to new situations. Because they take stock of things first. That's not how the dictionary defines shy. On the contrary, there are a multitude of verses in Proverbs that argue that those things are wise and prudent!
In fact, I don't know how you can ever say for sure that someone else is shy because it's the WHY of what they do that makes it so. If I keep my mouth shut because I'm thinking things through or because I think it's the best thing to do in a situation, there's nothing wrong with that. If, however, I'm not speaking because I'm afraid of others or what they might think of me, that's shy and that's wrong. Fear of men shouldn't come into the picture. But how does anyone but me KNOW why I'm not saying anything? They don't.
In conclusion, we should be careful what labels we place upon people - especially if we don't understand exactly what they mean. Lots of people use "reserved" and "shy" synonymously. They're not the same thing. An open, talkative, bubbly person could be the shyest person in a room full of introverted, reserved, thoughtful people.
6 comments:
Well, I don't know about that. Bashful is bad? Little kids are often referred to as shy, is that wrong? Should they not be afraid of strangers?
A "term used to describe the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people." -- Wiki.
I think this definition might more closely define common usage, and I don't know if it can be said that in general, it is not good. Some people are extroverted and others are not. That awkwardness is not wrong. To "lack comfort" in a new situation or with unfamiliar people is not bad. It doesn't mean fear. It doesn't mean pride.
In answering your two questions, I think the Wiki definition is more of the common usage, and that it isn't truly bad.
First, people are referred to as lots of things. One of my points was to show that how people often use the word is not what it actually means. I was going by the dictionary definition of it, not the way it's used in the vernacular.
Yes, you're absolutely right that Wiki has a closer definition to how MOST people use the word. BUT my point is, say you meet someone who uses it the right way and hasn't realized that other people don't. And then you call them or someone they love shy. All it takes is for them to assume you've used a word the same way they've always heard it used and you've offended someone. And technically, you used the word wrong. This was what I was trying to say with my conclusion about being careful how we label people. We ought to know how the word is used (so we don't get offended) and what the word really means, so we don't offend others.
For the kids part, first I was never saying that we should trust everyone implicitly. If you know that someone is a habitual liar, be careful what you believe. My point was to be habitually distrusting of people you meet, is wrong.
Kids are often told NOT to trust/talk to adults that their parents haven't approved. It's not wrong for them, therefore, to obey. BUT if the parent does approve someone, the kid who's still afraid is NOT trusting their parent; they're letting fear control them - being shy.
Lastly, lacking comfort. Why aren't you comfortable in a new situation with new people? For me, I know, it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid and someone is going to mock me, or something controversial and it's going to start a big debate, or someone is going to start asking me questions and I don't want to reveal anything about myself until after I know they're safe. I'm afraid. Afraid that something is going to happen. Maybe it's not that way for everyone, but it seemed to follow the pattern of shyness, and I couldn't think of any other good reason why someone who knows nothing about these other people would be naturally uncomfortable around them. Why would you be if you're not worried about something, if you're not afraid of something? Where does the discomfort come from? For me, it's fear and/or pride.
I'm saying that Wiki's definition is just as viable. That the way the word is often used IS a definition of shy. I agree we need to know how a definition is used, but I'm saying you are saying we are wrong, when we have just as much support as you. Why do you get to use the definition you choose, and say that my definition is incorrect?
There are several different online dictionaries with many definitions between them. We could check several hard copies, but no dictionary can claim authority on definitions. My point is that shy has several meanings. And it can't be said they are wrong.
It seems your argument stems from fear/uncomfortable/awkwardness being wrong. I haven't considered this much, so I can't say one way or another. I mean, fear itself is not wrong. We are to fear God, but other than that I haven't considered it much.
Dave. . . . REAL definitions and slang definitions are not the same thing. Slang definitions are how a word is used. The real definition is what it means if you're learning a new language. Think of it that way. The fact is that I looked it up in a dictionary and that's what I found. You looked on Wiki. I rest my case. If you want to argue how much we should trust dictionaries - that's a whole different thing. May I suggest maybe you should write your own blog on that topic?
As for the second matter - I didn't say that FEAR is wrong. I said fear of MAN is wrong.
/sigh, lol :)
Online sources are not less reliable than a hardcopy dictionary you have in your hand. I looked on Wiki AND several (4 I think?) dictionaries. The Wiki definition wasn't even off from others. It is very close to what you quoted. I just liked the wording, so I quoted that one. It isn't slang, lol.
I just don't know if you can say shyness in general is not good. Maybe my beef comes with #5 of your post, but whatever. :) Sorry for the extended exchange.
That's interesting because #5 wasn't even included in the first definition. It was part of a different section.
But anyway. Why is there a problem with saying that being uncomfortable around people is because of fear? What ELSE could it be? (I think I asked this already. . . .) Maybe if I had a different option, I'd be able to see your point. But all the reasons I've come up with all stem from fear of man.
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