Update

Time for a quick update!

Life is boring. I work and eat and sleep and go to church and that's about it. Icecream is wonderful and all, but when it gets to be the highlight of your day, there's a problem.

I don't know what to do. About anything. I feel like I should go back to school, but I don't have enough money, and knowing that I don't have enough money, I want to spend what I do have on stuff that I want. Nothing I need, just things I want. I think I finally got over Mom's voice in my head saying, "Do you really NEED that?" Maybe not. . . I still haven't bought the stuff. But I am more free (freer?) with my money than I was before I went to school. Wish I weren't. I could use some of it now for next semester. Assuming I go back. I know it'd be good for me. But I so despise the thought of owing someone money, even if it's my parents. I hate it. . . And so, I don't know what to do.

No one talks to me anymore. I miss Steph. She used to talk to me. It didn't matter what it was about. She would just talk, and for a while too. For some reason, I need that. Maybe it's because I can't just talk to people. I'm too insecure or something. I need people to ask and ask again till I'm sure they really, truly care. Then I can tell them. Sometimes. If I try really, really hard. There are very few people I trust. I've found it to cause pain. Because you think you're so tight with someone; you let them in and then they disappear. And you're alone and someone out there knows your deepest thoughts and dearest secrets. That's just terrifying.

Someone should slap me upside the head because we watched Jumper tonight, and I actually thought Hayden Christensen was pretty good looking. He looked grown up. . . He's always had a cool voice. And then he had special powers. I was trying to focus on the bad attitude and complete idiocy of how he wouldn't tell the truth and such, but. . . He really didn't look half bad. Anyway. Mike'll probably read this tomorrow and smack my head. . . . Ah, brothers. :)

Maybe it wasn't such a quick update after all.