He's Here

I have my Evelynn and my Joash now. I am quite contented.

After Evelynn was born, despite all the issues I was having - the lack of sleep, the inability to nurse her, my depression with the circumstances of her birth - I wanted another baby. Not right then, but I knew so quickly that I wanted a second baby. I wanted Joash. It didn't take more than a month and I knew that I wanted my little boy.

And now he's here! He's a much better sleeper than Evelynn. And despite the circumstances of his birth, I've had absolutely no qualms about what happened. I don't know why, but I was far more worried about having the version done than having a C-section. I'm still not the least bit remorseful that I didn't try the version or that it ended in a C-section. It was certainly different, certainly a harder recovery, but ... I just don't care that that's what happened. Overall, I have a peace about his birth that it took almost a year for me to receive after Evelynn's. I really was as ready as I thought I was. Thanking the Lord for that. It's much better this way.

I don't really have a great desire to go the natural, home-birth direction again. Not that we have to make that decision any time particularly soon. Haha. But I think I would be okay with a hospital birth if we have another go. At least, now I know that not all hospitals and not all hospital staffs are like the ones we had with Evelynn. And the more kids I have, the more I know what I'm getting into. I really did prefer the midwives prenatal care though, so we'll see. Like I said, we have time.

I can't imagine giving birth more than once more. I'm not a fan of newborns. I do love them. I'd die for them, but I don't enjoy them. There's pretty much nothing about this stage of life that I like, except, you know, that I have my baby. At the same time, it's hard to imagine not knowing my kids from their beginning.... But I've always wanted to adopt, too.

It's hard to figure out how to split my time. I imagine that's only going to get exponentially harder as our family grows. I feel like it's been really rough on Evelynn. We've been best friends her entire life, and now there's someone else who has to take priority a fair portion of the time. It's hard. I don't want to lose that best friends thing. It's hard to think about adding another little person to the mix. Makes me a little more sympathetic to my parents for the times that I felt forgotten. It's probably easier to forget the one that didn't have a prior connection. I imagine it would be easier to brush Joash off, just because he and I have never been best friends yet. I'll have to watch out for that.

Well, it's past my bed time. I'm the only one who blogs any more. I don't know if anyone reads it still, but here I am, writing away. Gotta write somewhere. ;)