It's raining again. And windy. I like it. It reminds me of home. And of days with my little sister. I get to go home soon for a visit. Not SOON, soon, but soon. :)
One day while we were jumping on our trampoline, it was windy and we came up with a song together. It's our song. Someday when she's all grown up we'll probably laugh about it and she'll wonder how we were so silly. But for now, it's our song.
It's hard to write when things don't change much. It's almost my birthday and it doesn't feel like it could be. It's weird living here. The seasons aren't the same so in a way, I feel like time is never going by. Months pass and I wonder, "Where did that go?" Michigan weather makes things more exciting, I must say. Haha. Maybe we'll get an earthquake this year and that will be an event to mark off time.
I've started posting my compositions on Grooveshark. If you know my real name, you should be able to search for me on there (without needing to make a profile or anything) and find them all. I still haven't come up with what to do about the songs with lyrics. . . . I need a way to put the words up in time with the music - like on a Youtube video - but I don't know how to make a Youtube video. Haha. Plus, I don't much like YouTube.
And for the comment on two posts ago - wish I knew who you were, but thanks for commenting anyway. :) It's rare that this blog gets any traffic.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
My Friend
I posted this once and then took it down because I wasn't sure about some things. I think it'll be okay though. As I posted a bit ago, I started a new blog and you can read all the back story there. But that was mostly after the grieving. THIS is about the grieving, about how I felt for days after I heard about my friend.
It's broken up into lines of ten, not for any poetical reasons but just because it's long and I thought it'd be easier to read that way. Most of it works out well, but there's a place or two where the break is awkward - sorry. It's actually the longest poem I've ever written to date.
My Friend
I sit and sigh; I hold my head
I sit here wondering what's been said.
How long has it gone on this way?
How much more have I missed today?
My heart is grieved; my tears are spent
Ash on my face; my clothes are rent
Worse than death, the verdict came
Will things ever be the same?
Is she lost for good, for bad?
When I think of her, will I always be sad?
O Lord, my friend! My friend has run!
She turned away; she fled the Son
Away from Light, away from right,
She ran from You; she had no sight.
My friend has gone the way of fools
Because of Pharisees and all their rules
Because she could not love Your bride
The Church, with Her she could not side.
O Lord, my heart feels torn in two
My eyes, they burn; what should I do?
My grief, it threatens to hold me down
To push me under, to make me drown
My friend! my friend! I've been remiss
I was not there when you betrayed with a kiss
You left the only Way, turned back
My absence made it easier to pack.
Yet I know, it's in God's plan
I can do nothing, but I know He can.
The whole thing rests in His able hand
To save you is not His command
To me; for He's the only One
Who can stop the world and create the sun
Joshua asked and God gave a day
If I cry, will He show you the way?
If I beg and pray and plead?
Will He give you what you need?
I cannot say; I don't know yet
But that He can is not a bet.
And though I feel the loss so strong
To doubt His love would add wrong to wrong
I love you always, my dear friend
I'll pray for you til I meet my end.
Should you shun me, turn away
I'll never give up on you that way
O Lord, You answer all our prayers
You've promised to bear our sorrows and cares
Please help my friend; she needs You so
Please make her want to You to go
As she ran away from You
Pull her back as You can do
And in the mean time help me be
The very best friend, as You've been to me.
Help me show her Who You are
Let me not Your image mar
In my pain and in my grief
Let me find in You relief
O Lord, she does not understand
How You guide us with Your hand
That Your way is not a weight
Your burden's light! You are the gate
Out of slavery to sin
Out of bondage to fit in
Into light and into truth
Into love, not tooth for tooth
You give us freedom from the Fall
You give it freely to one and all
Who call on You and trust Your will
Wou love You, who cannot get their fill
It's not a burden to do what You ask
When we love You most, our first task
She does not know how it can be
How we could want to be slaves to Thee
She thinks that we have been deceived
That we don't know what we've received
That we did not count the cost
Ironic, since she's the one who's lost
How well we know the price You paid!
Your very life for us You laid
At the cross; You gave it up
You drank the wrath, the entire cup!
It's she who does not want to know
For that's how we can love You so
How we're happy to be Your slave
It's all because of what You gave
Not just a slave, but also a child
With a Father to take us out of the wild
Open her heart to see You true
Show her all that You can do
Help her in the quest for what's real
Your presence let her come to feel
You alone are reality
You alone can make us see
For me, I pray You'd make me strong
For the battle, whether short or long
Keep me from falling all apart
Help my grief and hold my heart
Thank You, Lord, for all You do
For loving me, and making me love You.
Lord Jesus, You're my greatest Friend
You're with me forever; there will be no end.
You'll never leave me, never betray
Always love me, 'cause that's Your way.
2-1-12
It's broken up into lines of ten, not for any poetical reasons but just because it's long and I thought it'd be easier to read that way. Most of it works out well, but there's a place or two where the break is awkward - sorry. It's actually the longest poem I've ever written to date.
My Friend
I sit and sigh; I hold my head
I sit here wondering what's been said.
How long has it gone on this way?
How much more have I missed today?
My heart is grieved; my tears are spent
Ash on my face; my clothes are rent
Worse than death, the verdict came
Will things ever be the same?
Is she lost for good, for bad?
When I think of her, will I always be sad?
O Lord, my friend! My friend has run!
She turned away; she fled the Son
Away from Light, away from right,
She ran from You; she had no sight.
My friend has gone the way of fools
Because of Pharisees and all their rules
Because she could not love Your bride
The Church, with Her she could not side.
O Lord, my heart feels torn in two
My eyes, they burn; what should I do?
My grief, it threatens to hold me down
To push me under, to make me drown
My friend! my friend! I've been remiss
I was not there when you betrayed with a kiss
You left the only Way, turned back
My absence made it easier to pack.
Yet I know, it's in God's plan
I can do nothing, but I know He can.
The whole thing rests in His able hand
To save you is not His command
To me; for He's the only One
Who can stop the world and create the sun
Joshua asked and God gave a day
If I cry, will He show you the way?
If I beg and pray and plead?
Will He give you what you need?
I cannot say; I don't know yet
But that He can is not a bet.
And though I feel the loss so strong
To doubt His love would add wrong to wrong
I love you always, my dear friend
I'll pray for you til I meet my end.
Should you shun me, turn away
I'll never give up on you that way
O Lord, You answer all our prayers
You've promised to bear our sorrows and cares
Please help my friend; she needs You so
Please make her want to You to go
As she ran away from You
Pull her back as You can do
And in the mean time help me be
The very best friend, as You've been to me.
Help me show her Who You are
Let me not Your image mar
In my pain and in my grief
Let me find in You relief
O Lord, she does not understand
How You guide us with Your hand
That Your way is not a weight
Your burden's light! You are the gate
Out of slavery to sin
Out of bondage to fit in
Into light and into truth
Into love, not tooth for tooth
You give us freedom from the Fall
You give it freely to one and all
Who call on You and trust Your will
Wou love You, who cannot get their fill
It's not a burden to do what You ask
When we love You most, our first task
She does not know how it can be
How we could want to be slaves to Thee
She thinks that we have been deceived
That we don't know what we've received
That we did not count the cost
Ironic, since she's the one who's lost
How well we know the price You paid!
Your very life for us You laid
At the cross; You gave it up
You drank the wrath, the entire cup!
It's she who does not want to know
For that's how we can love You so
How we're happy to be Your slave
It's all because of what You gave
Not just a slave, but also a child
With a Father to take us out of the wild
Open her heart to see You true
Show her all that You can do
Help her in the quest for what's real
Your presence let her come to feel
You alone are reality
You alone can make us see
For me, I pray You'd make me strong
For the battle, whether short or long
Keep me from falling all apart
Help my grief and hold my heart
Thank You, Lord, for all You do
For loving me, and making me love You.
Lord Jesus, You're my greatest Friend
You're with me forever; there will be no end.
You'll never leave me, never betray
Always love me, 'cause that's Your way.
2-1-12
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Recognition
Recognition is one of those topics that, for whatever reason, just makes me laugh. I don't know precisely why, but there's just something funny about thinking about it. It's like. . . when you think about the thing that you really wanted when you were a little kid and have to laugh because of how silly or cute or naive it was. That's how the topic of recognition strikes me.
There are two obvious sides to it - the giving side and the receiving side - but there's another aspect that's a little less obvious, the working side. I'm probably going to focus mostly on the receiving and the working because those are the parts that make me giggle. And I like giggling. :P
I don't usually look for recognition. I know that I have in the past - often when I'm not walking very closely with the Lord Jesus. It's not generally one of those sins that I have a problem with, wanting to be noticed, looking for approval from others. I don't often feel unappreciated. Maybe it's because I never really have been or maybe it's because I don't really care - I think it's a bit of both. Most of the time, I don't care if people think that I did a good job at something; so why would I care if they tell me that they think I did a good job? Most of the time, the only thing I'm thinking about is wondering if I'm doing an OKAY job at something. I struggle a lot more with the worrying about doing things wrong than the wondering if people are going to recognize me for doing things well.
So it kind of strikes me funny when people get all tangled up in not being appreciated. Or when they get all tangled up in trying to get more recognition for what they have done/are doing. (The working for it side.) It seems to be very common. People want to be popular. They want oodles of friends and for all their friends to look up to them. What kind of sense does that even make??? If ALL of your friends look up to you, who are you going to learn from?
The working for it part is probably the funniest of it all. The things people do because they're concerned about other people disapproving or not taking notice. For one thing, as Christians, we ought to KNOW we're going to be disapproved of - for one reason or another. Either we're going to be salt and light in the world and the world will disapprove; or we're going to be stagnant and God (and those walking with Him) will disapprove. Obviously, there is a difference in how it comes out, but that's pretty much the way it is.
As for the taking notice. . . You know, there are a lot of people who I really doubt WORKED to be noticed. They didn't work on expanding their platform; they didn't work on making themselves "marketable." (I hate that term when applied to Christianity by the way.) They just did what they thought was right, didn't worry about how many people noticed, and GOD gave the increase. Maybe quickly. Maybe slowly. But that wasn't their concern. Their concern wasn't growing their sphere of influence in order to be more influential. Their concern was helping people, was spreading the Gospel.
Now, I get that you can try to grow your influence for the purpose of reaching more people for God. HOWEVER, that is NOT how it comes across a lot of times, and it's very hard to believe a lot of times for one simple reason - the people aren't working nearly as hard to spread the Gospel to the people they already can influence. They're working harder to get more influence than they are to influence the people they already are in touch with. Doesn't that look like wrong priorities? It does to me.
I don't have anyone specific in mind - just some things that I've seen from different people. I've been writing blogs for a long time. I don't ever advertise them. Maybe I should, but I kind of figure that if God wants someone to see what's here - they're GOING to see what's here.
There are two obvious sides to it - the giving side and the receiving side - but there's another aspect that's a little less obvious, the working side. I'm probably going to focus mostly on the receiving and the working because those are the parts that make me giggle. And I like giggling. :P
I don't usually look for recognition. I know that I have in the past - often when I'm not walking very closely with the Lord Jesus. It's not generally one of those sins that I have a problem with, wanting to be noticed, looking for approval from others. I don't often feel unappreciated. Maybe it's because I never really have been or maybe it's because I don't really care - I think it's a bit of both. Most of the time, I don't care if people think that I did a good job at something; so why would I care if they tell me that they think I did a good job? Most of the time, the only thing I'm thinking about is wondering if I'm doing an OKAY job at something. I struggle a lot more with the worrying about doing things wrong than the wondering if people are going to recognize me for doing things well.
So it kind of strikes me funny when people get all tangled up in not being appreciated. Or when they get all tangled up in trying to get more recognition for what they have done/are doing. (The working for it side.) It seems to be very common. People want to be popular. They want oodles of friends and for all their friends to look up to them. What kind of sense does that even make??? If ALL of your friends look up to you, who are you going to learn from?
The working for it part is probably the funniest of it all. The things people do because they're concerned about other people disapproving or not taking notice. For one thing, as Christians, we ought to KNOW we're going to be disapproved of - for one reason or another. Either we're going to be salt and light in the world and the world will disapprove; or we're going to be stagnant and God (and those walking with Him) will disapprove. Obviously, there is a difference in how it comes out, but that's pretty much the way it is.
As for the taking notice. . . You know, there are a lot of people who I really doubt WORKED to be noticed. They didn't work on expanding their platform; they didn't work on making themselves "marketable." (I hate that term when applied to Christianity by the way.) They just did what they thought was right, didn't worry about how many people noticed, and GOD gave the increase. Maybe quickly. Maybe slowly. But that wasn't their concern. Their concern wasn't growing their sphere of influence in order to be more influential. Their concern was helping people, was spreading the Gospel.
Now, I get that you can try to grow your influence for the purpose of reaching more people for God. HOWEVER, that is NOT how it comes across a lot of times, and it's very hard to believe a lot of times for one simple reason - the people aren't working nearly as hard to spread the Gospel to the people they already can influence. They're working harder to get more influence than they are to influence the people they already are in touch with. Doesn't that look like wrong priorities? It does to me.
I don't have anyone specific in mind - just some things that I've seen from different people. I've been writing blogs for a long time. I don't ever advertise them. Maybe I should, but I kind of figure that if God wants someone to see what's here - they're GOING to see what's here.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
A Song
So I've been feeling bad about neglecting this blog and I decided to post a song that I wrote a little while ago. It's one that I like better than most. I named it "Praise Him."
Praise Him
Praise Him all ye that adore Him
Jesus, Lord, Emmanuel
King of kings, the Christ, our Savior
Praise Him loud, His glory tell
Chorus:
Alleluia! God descended
Alleluia! Conquered death
Alleluia! Christ is risen!
Alleluia! Jesus saves!
Praise the Master of Creation
Son of God and Friend of Man
Praise the Holy One of Israel
Praise the awesome, great I AM!
Lift your voices, lift your heart's song
Sing and fill the earth and sky
Praise the Lamb for He is worthy
Praise Him, He Who came to die!
Praise Him
Praise Him all ye that adore Him
Jesus, Lord, Emmanuel
King of kings, the Christ, our Savior
Praise Him loud, His glory tell
Chorus:
Alleluia! God descended
Alleluia! Conquered death
Alleluia! Christ is risen!
Alleluia! Jesus saves!
Praise the Master of Creation
Son of God and Friend of Man
Praise the Holy One of Israel
Praise the awesome, great I AM!
Lift your voices, lift your heart's song
Sing and fill the earth and sky
Praise the Lamb for He is worthy
Praise Him, He Who came to die!
Monday, February 27, 2012
New Blog
I wasn't sure I was going to post and tell you all about this, but after some contemplation, I decided I would. I have started a new blog, dedicated solely to Biblical and theological things. It is called Freedom In Christ and I will be (in a moment or two) creating a link for it on the side bar for easy access. Though I welcome comments and discussion, I'd like to keep the majority of the posts looking clean and open and free from large amounts of discussion and debate, so if you'd like to talk to me about anything in specific from it that you expect would become a larger thing, please email me instead.
Happy hunting.
Happy hunting.
Friday, February 17, 2012
He Enables Me
There have been some things going on recently that have been very . . . . Honestly, I'm not sure what a good word for it is. Stretching, maybe, but also encouraging. I've been seeing more and more lately how much God has given to us. I mean, I used to think of God's goodness as us having good health and having a car to make it easier to get to the store or to work, and I would think of His grace as making us humble or helping us do right.
I've begun to see it in more than that though. While Zack was preaching last Sunday, it suddenly hit me, "If God had done it that way, He could have made it so that sanctification wasn't a process and therefore, we'd have had to wait for Heaven for it." Talk about something that makes you grateful. I've struggled with feelings of depression - I won't say I was depressed because I don't think I was ever THAT depressed - and usually it was because I was so tired of my sin. For me to imagine living without ANY work of sanctification started? That's a wave of gratitude.
And then there's the other thing that just struck me a few days ago. You know, God enables us to help move His plan along? How cool is that? Now, I know it with big things like being a missionary and witnessing. But it's with the little things, too.
Zack recently got promoted (YAYAYAYAYAY!). When I found out that the position was open, Zack wasn't thinking he was going to apply because they said that he had to have open availability all the time - and he wasn't going to sacrifice attending church for work. There was one day left for him to put his name in the drawing when I found out. I suggested that he should go for it anyway - I figured that one five-hour window of unavailability shouldn't get in the way of him trying. Plus, that was the next step up the corporate ladder and it was probably always going to have the same rules and he was never going to give up church for work. So, now or never, right?
Suffice to say, he decided that my advice was worth something and put his name in. He did really well on his interview and got the promotion - and most happily, he's getting moved to the day shift. =D
But, while I would like to take the credit for my advice, I know that it's absolutely not of me that I gave that advice, that I gave it in such a way that Zack thought it was sound, or that he didn't actually get in trouble for applying for a position that, technically, he didn't fit in to.
In the grand scheme of things, a promotion is not a big deal, but God let me be a part of bringing that to pass and that just thrills my soul. It's like when you're a little kid and your mom is making cookies and she lets you get up on the counter and "help" - even though it takes longer with you helping. It's just so much FUN to be a part of that. God gave me the cookie-cutter for a moment and I'm so grateful for that.
I've begun to see it in more than that though. While Zack was preaching last Sunday, it suddenly hit me, "If God had done it that way, He could have made it so that sanctification wasn't a process and therefore, we'd have had to wait for Heaven for it." Talk about something that makes you grateful. I've struggled with feelings of depression - I won't say I was depressed because I don't think I was ever THAT depressed - and usually it was because I was so tired of my sin. For me to imagine living without ANY work of sanctification started? That's a wave of gratitude.
And then there's the other thing that just struck me a few days ago. You know, God enables us to help move His plan along? How cool is that? Now, I know it with big things like being a missionary and witnessing. But it's with the little things, too.
Zack recently got promoted (YAYAYAYAYAY!). When I found out that the position was open, Zack wasn't thinking he was going to apply because they said that he had to have open availability all the time - and he wasn't going to sacrifice attending church for work. There was one day left for him to put his name in the drawing when I found out. I suggested that he should go for it anyway - I figured that one five-hour window of unavailability shouldn't get in the way of him trying. Plus, that was the next step up the corporate ladder and it was probably always going to have the same rules and he was never going to give up church for work. So, now or never, right?
Suffice to say, he decided that my advice was worth something and put his name in. He did really well on his interview and got the promotion - and most happily, he's getting moved to the day shift. =D
But, while I would like to take the credit for my advice, I know that it's absolutely not of me that I gave that advice, that I gave it in such a way that Zack thought it was sound, or that he didn't actually get in trouble for applying for a position that, technically, he didn't fit in to.
In the grand scheme of things, a promotion is not a big deal, but God let me be a part of bringing that to pass and that just thrills my soul. It's like when you're a little kid and your mom is making cookies and she lets you get up on the counter and "help" - even though it takes longer with you helping. It's just so much FUN to be a part of that. God gave me the cookie-cutter for a moment and I'm so grateful for that.
Monday, January 30, 2012
180 Movie
There's a video that's going around called the "180 Movie." It's pro-life, made by a Jewish man who likens the Holocaust to the abortion epidemic that is happening today. For the record, I recommend watching this movie. If you're not pro-life, it makes a very good argument; if you are pro-life, you'll probably find it encouraging by the end. (The beginning is kind of sad because of how uneducated people are.)
I "like"d the Movie's page on Facebook and now I get a lot of things from it. Some I enjoy; sometimes it's just kind of annoying. It's taking a good thing and shoving it in your face so much that it gets wearisome. Like a good song that you really love until you hear it all day every day for a week. And then you can't stand it. But that's a rabbit trail.
These posts that I see are often statements about how people value Stuff above People. I completely agree with this take on the world; stuff is extremely important to people and other people are often seen as only a way to increase one's Stuff. In today's post, it compared a rolex watch to a baby. How many people would stop someone from smashing an expensive watch, but have no qualms if they hear someone is going to have an abortion?
The meaning is well-taken, but my brain didn't want to leave it at just that. How many people would rather have the watch than see it smashed? Or in the parallel, how many people would want the baby rather than know it's going to be killed? What if the baby were being aborted for medical reasons (a deformity, a mental illness, a disease, etc. etc.)?
Being pro-life shouldn't just be anit-pro-choice. It should mean, if I have the opportunity to save a life (without sinning), I take it. I should WANT to take it, not just feel that it's my duty as a Christian. Honestly, I don't feel that way right now. There's a difference in my head between accepting MY children no matter what issues they have and accepting someone ELSE'S child no matter what issues they have. I don't really have a choice when it's my kid. I don't HAVE to adopt a drug baby. If we chose to adopt, we could choose a nice, healthy baby. A baby that we think is cute or one that has the same coloring as us or whatever parameters we want.
But I shouldn't feel that way. If I can SAVE a life, it shouldn't matter what the condition of the body of that life is in. It should not matter if it's an old person who won't remember that I saved them, or a baby with such extreme mental health problems that they'll never have the capacity to form a real sentence.
Obviously, this is pretty much hypothetical right now. Maybe one day, if we ever have enough money to adopt, it won't be. But I think it's good to have such things stirring around in my head. One day it may all be very much real, and being who I am, it'll go better if I have an idea of what I believe and why BEFORE any of it happens.
In closing, let me quickly add that I stated some things very dogmatically. I believe them which is why I said them strongly, but I am very open to discussion and/or debate. I think today is the first time I've ever thought about this - at least in this way.
Happy Monday. :)
I "like"d the Movie's page on Facebook and now I get a lot of things from it. Some I enjoy; sometimes it's just kind of annoying. It's taking a good thing and shoving it in your face so much that it gets wearisome. Like a good song that you really love until you hear it all day every day for a week. And then you can't stand it. But that's a rabbit trail.
These posts that I see are often statements about how people value Stuff above People. I completely agree with this take on the world; stuff is extremely important to people and other people are often seen as only a way to increase one's Stuff. In today's post, it compared a rolex watch to a baby. How many people would stop someone from smashing an expensive watch, but have no qualms if they hear someone is going to have an abortion?
The meaning is well-taken, but my brain didn't want to leave it at just that. How many people would rather have the watch than see it smashed? Or in the parallel, how many people would want the baby rather than know it's going to be killed? What if the baby were being aborted for medical reasons (a deformity, a mental illness, a disease, etc. etc.)?
Being pro-life shouldn't just be anit-pro-choice. It should mean, if I have the opportunity to save a life (without sinning), I take it. I should WANT to take it, not just feel that it's my duty as a Christian. Honestly, I don't feel that way right now. There's a difference in my head between accepting MY children no matter what issues they have and accepting someone ELSE'S child no matter what issues they have. I don't really have a choice when it's my kid. I don't HAVE to adopt a drug baby. If we chose to adopt, we could choose a nice, healthy baby. A baby that we think is cute or one that has the same coloring as us or whatever parameters we want.
But I shouldn't feel that way. If I can SAVE a life, it shouldn't matter what the condition of the body of that life is in. It should not matter if it's an old person who won't remember that I saved them, or a baby with such extreme mental health problems that they'll never have the capacity to form a real sentence.
Obviously, this is pretty much hypothetical right now. Maybe one day, if we ever have enough money to adopt, it won't be. But I think it's good to have such things stirring around in my head. One day it may all be very much real, and being who I am, it'll go better if I have an idea of what I believe and why BEFORE any of it happens.
In closing, let me quickly add that I stated some things very dogmatically. I believe them which is why I said them strongly, but I am very open to discussion and/or debate. I think today is the first time I've ever thought about this - at least in this way.
Happy Monday. :)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Getting old. . . .
I know I'm not getting OLD old, but I've been feeling kind of old because I've been forgetting things lately. That's not like me. But then again, maybe it's not like me because I'm not used to being quite "so busy." (I'm not actually busy as in things are taking up all my time; I'm busy in that the things that take up my time are all different things - makes it harder to keep track of stuff.)
So in the spirit of being forgetful, I'm going to blog about something that I'm pretty sure I've blogged about before, something that's been on my mind a lot recently.
My topic is things that I always wanted/always expected. And my thoughts about WHY I wanted those things or expected those things.
Something I expected (though not something I wanted) was that I would not live around my family when I grew up. I didn't know where I would live, I hoped for certain kinds of places, but in all my thinking about what life would be like as a grownup, I never expected to live around my family.
I wanted to marry a preacher - a pastor, a missionary, an evangelist, it didn't matter. I went through them all at different stages, but the overarching theme was I wanted to marry a preacher.
This one I didn't just expect, I was relatively certain of, even though it began later in life (I think I was pretty convinced by the time I was fourteen): I had to meet the guy I was going to marry online. People liked me better online; I could get to know people online; I had an easier time communicating, etc. etc.. There were lots of reasons.
On the flip side: I could never picture myself dating, and in actuality, I've been on very few dates. "Dating" for us was talking on the phone for more than three hours on Saturday night. I knew I would get engaged, because I knew I would get married; but not being able to see myself dating helped my conclusion that I would marry someone I met online. It also made being Zack's girlfriend somehow more novel to me than being his fiance. Haha.
I expected to be poor. Not super poor, but as fun as it is to think about having money. . . . I wouldn't know what to do with it. Or, at least, I can't think of worth-while things to do with it. Haha. I could spend lots of money on STUFF - but what good is stuff?
Anyway, the WHY of all of this. Believing, as I do, in the God Who is involved in every aspect of the goings on in the world, I know that He orchestrated it. He gave it to me to expect things that He had long before determined were going to happen. Part of the reason, I think, is because I don't do well with unexpected things (I think I've learned to be more flexible, but it still gets rough sometimes). So He decided to let me know YEARS prior to events the basic way that things would happen.
Maybe He knew that if I hadn't been somewhat mentally preparing to leave my family for as long as I can remember, I wouldn't have been able to when Zack came along. The really interesting part is that God used my fears - my fear of being alone - to help me get used to the idea of not having my family around, so that when it came time for me to leave. . . I was sad and it was hard. But moving across the country was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than losing them for the rest of my life. I can visit them in Michigan this way; I get to see them on Skype every week.
Anyway. It's been on my mind. God is. . . . Heh. I couldn't think of a word that would fit what I wanted to say, so. . . God is that He is. And anyone who knows Him partially understands the depths of what that conveys.
So in the spirit of being forgetful, I'm going to blog about something that I'm pretty sure I've blogged about before, something that's been on my mind a lot recently.
My topic is things that I always wanted/always expected. And my thoughts about WHY I wanted those things or expected those things.
Something I expected (though not something I wanted) was that I would not live around my family when I grew up. I didn't know where I would live, I hoped for certain kinds of places, but in all my thinking about what life would be like as a grownup, I never expected to live around my family.
I wanted to marry a preacher - a pastor, a missionary, an evangelist, it didn't matter. I went through them all at different stages, but the overarching theme was I wanted to marry a preacher.
This one I didn't just expect, I was relatively certain of, even though it began later in life (I think I was pretty convinced by the time I was fourteen): I had to meet the guy I was going to marry online. People liked me better online; I could get to know people online; I had an easier time communicating, etc. etc.. There were lots of reasons.
On the flip side: I could never picture myself dating, and in actuality, I've been on very few dates. "Dating" for us was talking on the phone for more than three hours on Saturday night. I knew I would get engaged, because I knew I would get married; but not being able to see myself dating helped my conclusion that I would marry someone I met online. It also made being Zack's girlfriend somehow more novel to me than being his fiance. Haha.
I expected to be poor. Not super poor, but as fun as it is to think about having money. . . . I wouldn't know what to do with it. Or, at least, I can't think of worth-while things to do with it. Haha. I could spend lots of money on STUFF - but what good is stuff?
Anyway, the WHY of all of this. Believing, as I do, in the God Who is involved in every aspect of the goings on in the world, I know that He orchestrated it. He gave it to me to expect things that He had long before determined were going to happen. Part of the reason, I think, is because I don't do well with unexpected things (I think I've learned to be more flexible, but it still gets rough sometimes). So He decided to let me know YEARS prior to events the basic way that things would happen.
Maybe He knew that if I hadn't been somewhat mentally preparing to leave my family for as long as I can remember, I wouldn't have been able to when Zack came along. The really interesting part is that God used my fears - my fear of being alone - to help me get used to the idea of not having my family around, so that when it came time for me to leave. . . I was sad and it was hard. But moving across the country was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than losing them for the rest of my life. I can visit them in Michigan this way; I get to see them on Skype every week.
Anyway. It's been on my mind. God is. . . . Heh. I couldn't think of a word that would fit what I wanted to say, so. . . God is that He is. And anyone who knows Him partially understands the depths of what that conveys.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
"Deliciously Sinful"
Please note the quotes. ;)
First, let me say that this is not to reprimand anyone who has used this phrase or something similar to it. It's just something that was brought to my attention and it got me thinking (again) about how free we are with our words and how we all say things without thinking about what we're really communicating.
So what's wrong with this phrase? It's probably really easy to see once you think about it. Saying something like "that was deliciously sinful" or "this triple-chocolate truffle cake MUST be wicked" makes it sound like all things that are pleasing to the senses are wrong. Something that tastes so amazing CAN'T be morally right to enjoy. (Sarcasm. . . .)
This is obviously silly. We know that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights - not just spiritually good things, but physically good things. But somewhere in our hearts, we sometimes still feel guilty (or feel like we should feel guilty) for enjoying the good things that God has given us - and yes, that includes a triple-chocolate truffle cake (if such a thing exists; sounds yummy, doesn't it?).
I don't want to beat a dead horse, so in conclusion: Enjoy the delicious things that you have, and the fun games and the beautiful days, and make it even better by giving the credit to the right Person - the One Who made all those good things for us.
First, let me say that this is not to reprimand anyone who has used this phrase or something similar to it. It's just something that was brought to my attention and it got me thinking (again) about how free we are with our words and how we all say things without thinking about what we're really communicating.
So what's wrong with this phrase? It's probably really easy to see once you think about it. Saying something like "that was deliciously sinful" or "this triple-chocolate truffle cake MUST be wicked" makes it sound like all things that are pleasing to the senses are wrong. Something that tastes so amazing CAN'T be morally right to enjoy. (Sarcasm. . . .)
This is obviously silly. We know that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights - not just spiritually good things, but physically good things. But somewhere in our hearts, we sometimes still feel guilty (or feel like we should feel guilty) for enjoying the good things that God has given us - and yes, that includes a triple-chocolate truffle cake (if such a thing exists; sounds yummy, doesn't it?).
I don't want to beat a dead horse, so in conclusion: Enjoy the delicious things that you have, and the fun games and the beautiful days, and make it even better by giving the credit to the right Person - the One Who made all those good things for us.
Friday, January 13, 2012
I Think There Was Caffeine in That. . . .
So I was thinking about starting a new blog that was not about my life, but was a realistic story about SOMEONE's life from their perspective. I wrote one post and then I nixed the idea. I'm just not good at coming up with interesting things about real life and things nowadays. I prefer something more fantastical. But the idea is still lingering. Maybe something more Sci-fi though. . . . If I do, I'll probably let all of my (four? three?) readers know.
I miss other people's blogs. Mike used to blog. Mom only did it once. :/ Dave used to write about his life. That could get long-winded, but I felt informed. Of course, he calls me now, so that's all good. :) Zack was blogging for a little while, but he hasn't done that in well over a year. (I know because the last post was like three-five months before we got married [I think] and we've almost been married for a year.)
Speaking of which, we've been married for almost a year! =D That's pretty cool. It's also weird. Sometimes I wonder when the "newlywed" feeling is going to go away. Or if it only goes away if things get hard. Or when you start having kids. Or what exactly. I don't know. I know that sometimes I feel like an old married couple, and sometimes I feel like it's been a few months.
I think part of that is that the passing of time is all mixed up for me right now due to the lack of seasons in CaliLand. There are only two. . . . How am I ever supposed to feel like it's been a year when we've only had two seasons? Or maybe, I'll just know that time is passing because "Summer is here again already!?" ;) Hehe. I always have great ambitions to get tan and then it gets hot and I spend all my time inside and out of the sun as much as possible.
On the up side, we don't have a water bill at our apartment so I can cool off in the shower as much as I want. I'm also already trying to come up with cute/nice ways to keep my hair up all summer so I don't end up chopping it off again. I would like to grow it out for the cooler months, but my hair doesn't grow fast enough for that to work unless I can make it through at least one summer. We'll see if I can make it this year. I'm betting I won't. Hahaha.
Also, I like losing weight. It makes me happy. I feel better and it makes me want to move so that it doesn't come back. I lost some weight over the holidays (weird, right? Not really, I had the flu) and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO want it not to come back. So I think I'm going to start working out again - something I should have already been doing. There's a treadmill in the common room of the apartment complex. I should really start making use of it. I don't need a jogging buddy if I'm on the treadmill.
Anyway. Lots of random things this time.
I miss other people's blogs. Mike used to blog. Mom only did it once. :/ Dave used to write about his life. That could get long-winded, but I felt informed. Of course, he calls me now, so that's all good. :) Zack was blogging for a little while, but he hasn't done that in well over a year. (I know because the last post was like three-five months before we got married [I think] and we've almost been married for a year.)
Speaking of which, we've been married for almost a year! =D That's pretty cool. It's also weird. Sometimes I wonder when the "newlywed" feeling is going to go away. Or if it only goes away if things get hard. Or when you start having kids. Or what exactly. I don't know. I know that sometimes I feel like an old married couple, and sometimes I feel like it's been a few months.
I think part of that is that the passing of time is all mixed up for me right now due to the lack of seasons in CaliLand. There are only two. . . . How am I ever supposed to feel like it's been a year when we've only had two seasons? Or maybe, I'll just know that time is passing because "Summer is here again already!?" ;) Hehe. I always have great ambitions to get tan and then it gets hot and I spend all my time inside and out of the sun as much as possible.
On the up side, we don't have a water bill at our apartment so I can cool off in the shower as much as I want. I'm also already trying to come up with cute/nice ways to keep my hair up all summer so I don't end up chopping it off again. I would like to grow it out for the cooler months, but my hair doesn't grow fast enough for that to work unless I can make it through at least one summer. We'll see if I can make it this year. I'm betting I won't. Hahaha.
Also, I like losing weight. It makes me happy. I feel better and it makes me want to move so that it doesn't come back. I lost some weight over the holidays (weird, right? Not really, I had the flu) and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO want it not to come back. So I think I'm going to start working out again - something I should have already been doing. There's a treadmill in the common room of the apartment complex. I should really start making use of it. I don't need a jogging buddy if I'm on the treadmill.
Anyway. Lots of random things this time.
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