Here I Am

It's been a good week. :) Tried to stay busy and overall, it's going well. I have a ring on my finger now. I like it and I like it there. :) Been reading a book by A. W. Tozer called "The Knowledge of the Holy." It's been very good. And it's been helping me not while away my time on nothing profitable. (I've also been reading Sherlock Holmes. I like it quite a bit, which I found rather surprising. I think it helps that I saw the movie first. I like having real voices to put with words.)

But anyway. I was bored one day after having watched an "end of the world" movie, and I started writing a bit in my notebook. Though at first it began as nothing, it started to morph - as is the way of it quite often with me - into the following:

Broken hearts and shattered minds. Tears and darkness everywhere. Death and destruction reign where justice abstains. When the world is dying, there is no restraint. There is no fear but for self. There is no care but for MY life, for MY continuance. Youth and age fall first, prey to that which is stronger. How full is the depravity of man! How endless his lack of control, his love of self! Remove the barriers of society, of peer pressure and expectations, of government and law - dispose of them and men become little more than beasts. Tell the world that the planet is going to be destroyed in six hours and see how they spend it.

Indulgence. Gross over-indulgence of all the pleasures that the world can offer while it lasts. Fornication, drunkenness, looting, rioting, revenge - what man will stand his post as an officer of the law when he has but six hours to live? Without bonds put upon them, men would show only too clearly how whole is their hatred of that which is good, that which is pure, that which is lovely. Truly, depravity is complete. Is there a word that could make Man's moral fiber appear any less putrid than it is? Is the reality of it not far worse than we can fathom?

Yet, from this state of destruction of self and others, God has drawn some. A precious few, His saints, He has made alive. He restores them to favor with Himself by taking their wickedness, all the iniquities of thought and deed, past, present, and future, and placing them on the Son, on the Pure and Perfect, Spotless Lamb of God. Beloved of the Father, decked in Holiness and Righteousness, He didn't just accept it - like a blanket of the blackest sort, corrupted and rancid, reeking of that which He despises, He draped it over Himself on the cross. And maintained it for hours. Having the power to remove it at any time, He held it close because of His endless love for those few that were His. And with His blood, our price was paid.

Not yet perfect, but having all the purity and righteousness of our Savior applied to us, we stand in the midst of the strong tides of wickedness. For us, the pull is too strong to resist. Made alive, we're now aware of it, but standing alone is not possible. We've been shown the river of the world and pulled over to the Rock of our Salvation, and now the battle begins. Our own fallen nature remains and tells us to cease fighting. Our peers and those for whom we care drift further and further away, while we stand.

Without the sustaining arms of Christ holding us to it, we'll only get pulled away into the darkness again, for we have not the strength to hold ourselves. There is naught to do but trust in Christ to hold us close. The tide is pulling, always pulling - it never gives up while we remain in this world, but the Rock is our anchor and Christ is the rope by which we're held to it. The closer we cling to the Rock, the less the world has of us to pull on. The more we listen to self, the farther we drift from our Shelter.

Self is a cunning foe. It tells us that we don't need to use all our concentration, just some, not all our strength. It tells us to let go with our legs; let them dangle freely in the current, let them feel how nice it is. Do we really need to grip so tightly? With all of our body? Why not just our arms? Surely, they're strong enough, and besides, we have the rope of Christ around us. How about with just one arm? That way the other can reach out to those passing by. Just your fingers - that's really all you need. But at each step, more of us is moved into the current, for it's no longer hiding in the cleft of the Rock. We're in danger of losing our grip entirely, and that is grave danger indeed. There, barely hanging on, we're exposed, and soon we will be wounded. Put your hand out and something will bite it, a person will break it, a stone will pelt it; it will be hurt, and the wise will recoil to the Rock, to safety.

In the Rock is warmth and light. Comfort and peace. The current is icy, so cold that it had numbed us. Black, so dark that we did not know what light was. But we have felt the light of God's love on our faces when He turned us to Himself and caused His face to shine. We have been awed with the veiled glory He has shown and so we have a deep, unquenchable desire to see and feel His presence again and forever. Heart, mind, body, soul, spirit - with all we are, with all He has made us to be, we earnestly desire and long to know Him, to see Him, to touch Him, to hear His voice, and, in loud praise and silent meditation, to glorify Him and His limitless excellent majesty. For we love Him and cannot cease.

Yet, for all this, we too often love Him not as we ought. Not fully or completely, not above all else, and we release our grip on the Rock, letting ourselves dangle in the tide of sin. What abundant idiocy! What depths of depravity. What terrible ingratitude! And how horrifying the power we give to that old nature when we ought to be resting in the grace of the God that pulled us out of the current to begin with.

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a Shelter for me, and a strong Tower from the enemy. I will abide in Thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of Thy wings. - Psalm 61:1-4

In with the new!

But do we really need to get rid of the old? ;) I'm nostalgic. Almost everything is better remembered than experienced. I wonder if that's sad. . . . . Ah, well. Happy news today!

I have a new niece, two months old. (That's not the new news, but it is good news! =D) I have a new nephew, too. He's about twelve hours old. Hehe. They're both so cute. It's really cool. :) My brothers are Dads. . . . . . THAT is bizarre. And yet, only kind of. Haha.

Life seems to be moving kind of fast. It's happy and exciting, but there's a sense of apprehension. I usually prefer slow changes. With lots of time to adjust and think, pondering over every aspect I can imagine, making sure that I don't get blind-sided by something. (I don't NEED time; I get along pretty well if I can't have it or if the change is something entirely out of my control. But that's neither here nor there.) Don't get me wrong. Life isn't moving TOO fast; just faster than normal.

It takes time for me to get energized about most things. Especially when they have a direct impact on me. A person can tell me wonderful news, but I'll make sure that I really KNOW it's wonderful before I react pleasantly. Tends to make people think that I'm not happy about things, when really, it just takes me a minute to get there.

I don't like being disappointed - it's much easier not to get my hopes up; to make sure that I know exactly what people are telling me; to make sure that I'm not thinking that it's better than it is. I hate disappointing people, too, so I have a hard time building things up. No matter how great something is, I tend to downplay it so they won't get disappointed.

I don't think any of this was ever going anywhere. Just a bunch of useless info that most of you (if there are any of you left) don't care about.

Anyway. I miss my boyfriend. . . . . Don't laugh. It's true. Yes, we talk a lot on the phone. I wish we could talk more. Yes, we used up almost all my texts in only two weeks. I wish we could text all day, all the time, whenever we had a free minute. Like Mike and Tuesday did. Haha. I waited a long time for a boyfriend; I'd like to enjoy it. :)

Blogging

Haven't had much to say lately. . . . As you ought to be able to surmise by the lack of posts, since we all know that I'm not lacking in time.

Been working on a story. That means I've been writing pieces of it, stuff that I doubt will ever actually go into it. I make up the best parts of my plots when I'm writing, not when I'm just thinking about it. Thus, in order to plan a book, I have to write the book. Doesn't work out so well when you're trying to actually get something down to stay, but it's fun all the same, which is the point for me.

I don't write for the hope of getting good enough to get published. (Or just popular enough. Take Twilight for an example. Bad writing = easy, easy, easy reading = totally popular with the teens.) I never thought that type of writing sold. It never made the cut with us. I'd say that I could write that well, but A) Where's the proof? and B) "Well?" Really? Writing as "well" as the Twilight series, like that's something to be proud of? I digress.

I read The Name of the Wind again. Felt like I could sit down and read it through as soon as I'd finished. If you take out the profanity, it's a good book. Good story, interesting characters (Bast is my favorite). There's so much to it. So much thought and time and effort. I don't have that kind of. . . dedication? Something. I want to read WarBreaker again. I really liked that book. Lightsong, or whatever his name was, was just great. And the sword. Can't think of it's name. . . . Actually, Lightsong is the only name I CAN remember. Hah. . . .

Going back out to CA in a little while - about three weeks. :) It's a long trip. Longest I've ever been on. People at home miss me. Funny, I don't remember them making half as big a deal out of it when I moved to school. . . . Maybe that's my memory, or the fact that it happened and was done. I didn't go, come back, go, come back, etc., etc.

People in CA want me to stay longer. They make comments (mostly the people at church who haven't seen me all week, hehe) "Didn't you just get here?" Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a video game trying to keep both sides of a scale even. Every time I boost one side, the other sinks. So I run to that one and push it up, only to find that doing so made the other one drop.

Conclusion? Popularity (or whatever this is) is difficult. Life is easier when no one cares if you're around. It's also more lonely. I'll take this and be happy. :)

Dum, da-da, dum!

Well, here I am in California again. Have you ever thought about what weird names our states have? California? Michigan? I mean really, what is THAT? And city names. What's a Baltimore? Or a Lansing?

I really didn't start writing a blog to go on about what nonsense names are though. Then again, I didn't really start writing a blog for any reason. I just felt like it and had nothing to do at the moment. Zack should be home pretty soon and then we're going out for our anniversary. Yes, I know. . . . I never thought I would be one of THOSE people, but here I am celebrating the months of my anniversary. I'll probably do the whole "Happy birthday, kid, you're a week old today" thing too. . . . :P

It's weird being at someone else's house. . . especially when it's just you and your boyfriend's mom all day. . . . Slightly awkward. She's very unintrusive though.

Zack likes his birthday present. =) Crises adverted. Yay! (I think "crisis" is a much funner word than "crises." Anyone else?) I think he might be home - the dog is barking.

Nope.

Marley & Me is a horrible, sad movie. Yes, I cried, but I was in the company of many criers so I didn't feel as weird about it. lol I'm getting terribly soft in my old age. And boy, do I feel old today. . . . I need a hair-cut. . . . Oh, Mother Deeeeeeeeeeeeeearest. . . . ;) Teehee.

I'm bored. . . . . Everywhere I go, I'm bored. Ugh.

Movie Critic Review

Contrary to what you might think from reading that title, this is not a review of movie critics. Be warned, this may very well contain some spoilers. I'm not sure yet as I haven't written it. . . . High Voltage: Proceed at your own risk.

Nanner, nanner.

So recently I've seen a few movies. Let's start with the oldest, which just happens to be the one I saw most recently. Terminator: Salvation. This movie came out sometime last May, I do believe. Christian Bale was in it amongst others, one of whom shared half of the main character status with Bale. Kyle Reese and Star, the little girl with him, were the best people in the movie, in my opinion. And the kid who played Reese was actually quite reminiscent of the guy in the original Terminator. I thought that was a nice touch. Stuck with the storyline; not many swear words; good effects; nice action. Over-all an entertaining film. The one problem was that the semi-main character, Marcus, reminded me of the Spiderman III Sandman in some ways. I'm not really even sure why. . . . But he did.

Next: Up!
Saw this movie in a theatre that contained a grand total of four people, including my boyfriend and I. This upped the enjoyment of the film substantially. (And the other two were a really cute old couple who absolutely loved it. But anyway.) The movie itself: It was good! Pixar delivered again. The beginning gets sad, but it doesn't last long and the following scene has you laughing again. I thought the timing was so incredibly perfect. The story is good; the main character is great; the giant bird that's like a mixture of every bird you can think of is hilarious and Doug, the dog, is less stupid than you think from the previews. Overall, I really, really, really liked this movie. But it's not better than robots falling in love, sorry. Wall-E is still the reigning champion.

Last, but not least: Sherlock Holmes.
Interesting movie. Had me worried at a couple spots about whether or not witchcraftiness was going to stand, and it's probably far more cool for someone who's read Sherlock Holmes stories and who will catch all the references. Thankfully, I had someone who had read them with me and he was able to point out all those things. The slow motion parts where Holmes does his fight sequences were a little too. . . . well, graphic. For my tastes. Seeing it faster was much better. The slow motion annoyed me, though I liked the idea of the voice-over as he thinks through exactly what he's going to do. In the end, a statisfactory mystery, good quick-witted dialogue, and vivid characters.

If you've read all this, you must be bored. Or have some type of emotional attachment to me. Possibly both. . . . Anyway. I enjoyed Up the most, I think, which is quite odd for me. Then Holmes, then Terminator. Although that could be as much a tribute to the effect of a good environment upon movie-watching as to the quality of the movies themselves. Thus, I say that my conclusion must be: Make sure to watch movies in uncrowded areas with your significant other, as comfortably as possible. You'll enjoy the movie more. =D

Up: **** 1/2*
Sherlock Holmes: ****
Terminator: ***

Maybe. . . . . ;)

Oh, and Happy New Year. :)

Well, it's done.

Christmas is over; the goose is hung; the stockings are burnt; and everyone is sick from eating too much candy and sweets. (Or just plain too much food.) What am I talking about, you ask? I'm not entirely sure, but the previous describes pretty much how I feel about things.

It was good; shorter than most years, but okay. Usually Christmas lasts for like a week. Family Christmas and then going to Grandma's four times to see people. . . . Our Christmas and Grandma's Christmas are too far apart this year. lol Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

Side note: Firefox accepts "gonna" as a real word. Strange, no?

Yesterday was our three month anniversary. :) "Our" refers to Zack and me, obviously. Seriously, how could you NOT know that? You're so whack, Ed. (Get it? /nudge, nudge /wink, wink)

I must be bored. . . . Lots of cleaning to do the next two weeks. My wookumshnookiepums is going to be here in twelve days. Hey! No wonder I was singing twelve days of Christmas this morning in the shower. . . . Ha. Just figured that one out. =D

. . . . Why am I telling you???

It would be really cool if Firefox recognized "wookumshnookiepums" as a real word. Just think about it for a minute - it would.

A note on Football: Tampa Bay beat the Saints??!?!? A 2-12 team beat a 13-1 team. . . . . Crazy. . . . Why can't that happen with the Lions? And the Colts lost today, too. . . . Now no one has a perfect record. . . . It's kind of sad.

Been a while.

So my boyfriend has a blog. :) www.zshrout.blogspot.com

Mom and Dad are going out into a blizzard to get presents. I wasn't serious when I told them to do that. . . . Presents aren't worth getting stuck in a ditch. No, really, they're not. Seriously.

I've noticed something of late. . . . People don't take things that aren't real seriously. Like WoW. People would camp their best friend and expect no hard feelings because it's a game. Because it's not "real." They don't seem to realize that because they are really doing it, even though the venue is make-believe, it's still them doing something unpleasant to their friend.

Now, personally, I was never in the position to camp somebody's dead corpse. I wasn't big on the PvP. I only killed Horde if I really needed to. (Like they had attacked me first.) Generally, if we fought, I died. And I was okay with that. Random person playing on the enemy's side decides to kill me (or attempt to kill me), who cares? I don't know them; it's nothing personal. But had my brother, playing an undead rogue, decided to kill my druid Nienna a few times, knowing it was me - that I have a problem with. I don't understand why someone would do that.

Why do games release people from being nice? "It's just a game!" What does that even mean? It's not real, so my actions don't count? Say what? What you do is real; what you say it real. No, you're not really killing someone. But camping someone is really frustrating to the person being camped. It's meant to be. You are purposefully provoking someone else to anger for your own enjoyment. Lots of people consider that "going too far." But why is that the line? "It's a game, and the rules allow it." Oh, well then. The rules of the game are a higher law than "Be ye kind one to another"?. . . . There's a disconnect that I can't seem to grasp.

Some games are purposefully designed to spur this on. And I think that is why the vast majority of the time I dislike most games. I don't like killing people in WoW; I don't like sending people back to their home in Aggravation. I can't separate my actions in real life from actions in a game because the game is part of real life. I also know that most people don't see it like I do, and that if I say something about it, they think I'm a sore loser or that I'm not playing the game right. Worst of all, I'm not always consistent.

Sometimes, I give in to peer pressure - everyone's trying to stop one person from winning and I can do it. I don't really care if the person wins, but everyone else does. And then there's the whole "I don't know this person, so it's okay." See, I can see that. I can see blasting people you don't know out of the water when they're on the opposite side. (I'm wondering if I shouldn't. Why should it make a difference if I know them or not?) But not when you're playing a game that doesn't require it and especially when you know those people. Certain activities (airsoft and nerf wars, for example) require you to shoot the opposing team. I've no problem with that. That IS the game. But when it's unnecessary, then I don't get it. And I specifically don't get why knowing someone is another excuse for it. It seems to me that the more you care about a person, the less you would put them down. By whatever means, in whatever venue.

Anyway. This is longer than I had intended. . . . Actally, I hadn't planned to write any of this. But lo, I have. And now it's off to the library for me and Kate. :)

La la la

I have a splitting headache and I feel like my eyes should be falling out of my head. lol Not feeling the greatest in any way really. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Some are okay, some are meh, some are just downright ugh.

You know the song Fame And Fortune from Rudolph? He and Hermie sing it. . . . Anyway, whenever I'm in particular physical discomfort, I substitute the words "Pain; Discomfort" for "Fame and Fortune." And then it goes round and round in my head. Probably not good for the headache.

Mike's hilarious. People are silly. I think he'll have a Joss Whedon type o' deal. Write a show that gets cancelled after one season (half a season?) and then make a gazillion dollars on the movie sequel - not because of theatres, but because of DVD sales. The power of devoted fans. ;)

I know this guy who wrote a book. I bought the book because I knew the guy and thought it was cool. The book needed editing. Badly. The name of one of the characters changed to something else (accidentally) and then changed back without any type of explanation. An editing mistake. Anyway, he wrote another book. Do you not say anything? Surely, someone had to tell him that it needed to be edited, right? But really, who wants to chance it and spend the 20-30 dollars on the next book? Is it politeness or lack of caring about the person that keeps you from saying something about it? Hmm. Do you just hope he gets better at it?

Dave - sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I haven't forgotten or anything.

Anyway. I think I need to exit the computer now before my brain explodes. ;)

This week

Is busy and strange and for some reason, it has this weird foreboding feeling to it. I'm not a fan. Of the foreboding feeling. Strange and busy is fine. I think. . . . Maybe it isn't but I just don't want to admit it because that would mean I'm lazy. I don't want to be lazy.

I was asked to sing a song for the Christmas program at church. . . . What to do. I probably should. . . . Not really part of my established comfort zone though. lol And what do I do about accompaniment?! Hey, hey, Mike. =D You know you want a piece of the action. ;) I'll make you cookies? lol Mom? Someone? Please?

(I'd ask Kate, but she's already in the program and will most likely be otherwise busy with lines and costumes. The people who are already doing stuff shouldn't be made to do more stuff. Right? Right.)

I had a bunch of things I was going to write about the other day that now I cannot recall. I wonder if "pregnancy brain" is something I can catch without being pregnant. . . . lol Hmm.

Revelation: I just realized where I get my OCD-ness. lol "Could you get a more uneven number!?" Teehee. :) Mom, you're so cute.

There's this Llama song - very funny. Llama, llama, duck. (If you don't know it, check YouTube.) Have you ever noticed how non-rhyming songs lose their coolness if you just read the lyrics and don't know the tune? It's just completely . . . . Meh. . . . lol I have noticed that recently.

Special Thanks to Mike and Tuesday for breaking their writer's strike and coming back to us. =) I missed you.

A Moral Issue?

The question is as follows: Is it morally wrong to use a version other than the King James Bible?

I find such a proposition impossible. If it were, how many people would we know who are in constant sin? How many on Dad's side of the family use the NIV? What of the Haitians who only have the equivalent of the NIV in their language? Are they doomed because of it?

If it were morally wrong, they could never be right with God. But we know that God doesn't allow His children to remain in unconfessed sin. So either they're not saved, or it's not wrong. I can't believe that Heidi is a Christian and also believe that it's morally wrong to use the NIV over the KJV. Thus, I find it impossible to believe that this is a moral issue.

What, then, is it? A matter of personal preference? A matter of what's best? I don't know how to classify it. If it can't be morally wrong to read the NIV, can it be morally right to read the KJV? Is the person who holds to the KJV automatically a better Christian because of it? Is it impossible to find, by the Holy Spirit's leading, the same theology in the English Standard as you'd find in the King James? Dare we limit Him so, to think that He cannot teach us just as much from one version or another? Or is it that we think He just won't? But why, if it isn't right or wong?

Perhaps, you never thought it was wrong. Perhaps, you still do. For me, I cannot condemn it.