Guess what!

You got it. It's Friday AGAIN!! Time seems to be passing very quickly as of late. Which is weird 'cause yesterday took seemingly forever. . . . It felt like three days, no joke. But I was tired yesterday.

So people have started blogging again. Well, some of them. Makes me feel like I should. Unfortunately, I have no readers. lol Also, I have very little to say. . . (Maybe that's why I have no readers?). . . I need a good book. But I would probably read it in a day, and then I'd be right back to where I am now.

Bleh.

Sometimes I like being unpopular. People don't pay attention to you that way.
Sometimes I hate being unpopular. People don't pay attention to you that way.
Hehehehe. I think I'm close to having a split-personality. =)

My brother tells me I'm emo. I'm not. They never smile and paint teardrops on their faces with make-up. I don't do that. In fact, I wear very little make-up. . . Also, they always wear black. He wears just about as much black as I do. Besides, it's a good color.

All my female friends are always very willing to talk to me, but my guy friends are always just kinda "oh, hey". I'm wondering if that's why I prefer talking to the guys, or if I just like guys that much better. . . . lol I'd always assumed it was the latter. But maybe it's a mixture of the two.

A poem I wrote just now
For me to recall how
I wrote a poem today.
That's all I have to say.

/shrug

What is today?

Oh yeah. It's Friday. February 20th, and it is 45 minutes after noon, if you want to know.
Not sure why you would, but whatever.

I've been thinking lately. I've reached the point in my life where I want a house to decorate, and yes, clean. I want the responsibility of a family. But I was thinking about all the stuff I wanted, all the things that would be nice to have, that would make living easier. And I realized something. Living easier is not living happier. Easy doesn't mean more fun. It doesn't mean better.

Then, while I was thinking about what does make life happy, what does make it better, (living for God) is actually better accomplished the less you have. The less you have, the more you realize your dependence on Him. And if God gives you lots, why keep it? Isn't it better to give it to missionaries? To the church? To someone in your church who's having trouble? Part of me still wants a big house with beautiful things and lots of land around with horses and dogs and bunnies. Part of me wants an easy life.

More and more of me is wanting a better life. The more I think about it, treasure here or treasure in Heaven, how could I not want less and less here? Life is short. Maybe shorter than we think. In one hundred years, we'll all be dead, except maybe a couple of the babies. It's worth the wait. It's worth the "hardships." More importantly, it's what God wants from us. We're so caught up with the cares of this world and we don't even know it. What's the good of stuff? When you have enough, why spend money on nicer stuff, when you can spend it on something that'll last forever?

The sun will come out tomorrow.

Actually, the sun is shining today and was out yesterday too.

My brother is getting married at the end of May. I'm the Maid of Honor in the wedding. I was very excited to be asked, kinda surprised, but very happy. I'm realizing now that I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing. . . And that half the duties that are generally the maid of honor's have been done by my brother or my mom. . . Makes me feel entirely undeserving. My brother said that maybe my mom should be the maid of honor. Even though it probably won't change (and I don't want it to change), I'm thinking maybe he had a good idea. . . . :/

I have a pretty boring life right now. If not for downloading a bunch of old Sierra "quest" games, I probably would have gone crazy.

Boring lives make for short blog posts. . .

'Ello, mon.

Was it not the coolest thing when Sean told Gus to say it again in a Jamaican accent and Gus did?? I wish I could speak Jamaican. . . That's like my favorite part of Meet Joe Black too. When he's talking to the lady in Jamaican.

I need a book. Or a job. Or a friend. Or . . . something. I don't know. Maybe I need nothing and it's all in my head. Maybe I'm in the Matrix, and seeing as I have no hacking skills, I'm stuck. Hmm. . . . Nah.

I'm thinking about selling my Twilight books. "But Elicia!" you say, "You just bought them!" I know. . . But that's because I'm extremely curious and I like getting lost in a fun story. Especially when it has good vampires. But now I have no money, and I'm probably not going to read them again. They're in nearly perfect condition. . . So, why not? I could probably get something for them. . . Maybe even break even. Or close to it.

Sledding is tons of fun. . . I love winter activities. Skiing, sledding, ice-skating. =D I'm a winter person. I even kind of like shoveling. . . /shrug Go figure.

Oh, it wasn't the coolest thing, by the way. Michael Weston is the coolest thing. Hahahahaha! In your face, mi hermano. (That's you, Mmsbhs. Teehee!)

Well, I should probably go write. I have this story I'm working on. The world is at least semi-original. It was fun to make up at any rate. :)

I remember now.

I really want a friend. . . A good friend who lives nearby, who likes to hang out with me and with whom I can do things with. . . Preferably a guy with a group of friends with whom I can fit in, thereby keeping things from being awkward. Because I gotta tell ya, as much as I love home (and I do, I really do), I have no friends here. I have family. At school, I have friends but no family. Why is it so difficult for both to exist in the same location?

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But family is different.

/sigh That mood of happiness I wrote about last night died during the course of today. I don't know where it went, but in its place came a very familiar feeling of solitude. . . Maybe the happiness will come back after I sleep. I feel tired for some reason. . . Maybe it'll come back after I read the Bible in a few minutes.

Should be doing. . .

I should be sleeping. Or reading. Or doing something other than sitting at my computer. But I'm not. . .

I'm not tired. Probably because I sleep in as long as I want/need to every day. Ah, the life of unemployment. I should be getting a job, and yet I don't feel any pressure to do so. I can't decide if it's a type of laziness (though I've been trying very hard to stay busy and help out at home) or if it's just knowing that God's in control of when I find a job and which job I find. /shrug I probably should have gone out looking today though. . .

Been playing a lot of Hero's Quest lately. Great old Atari game. I have the original one too, not the redone one that doesn't look right. The only sad part is that the sound doesn't work. :( Very sad because it had good music. Like most old games. And even some new ones.

I've been happy lately. Happier over a longer period of time than I've been in. . . maybe ever. . . It's not just a happy feeling. It's just. . . /shrug I don't know. It's nice. :) I'm relatively certain it's because I've been spending more time reading the Bible. I'm trying to read the NT fifteen times this year. That's 4050 chapters in 365 days, about eleven chapters a day. Very doable. Especially without a job or school. Heh. It's been going pretty well so far.

Politics seems to be all people are talking about lately. Or at least, the most of what people are talking about. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I don't care. Really. . . Why spend all your time thinking about what Obama is going to do, or is trying to do, or what the banks are doing and what you think people should be doing? The verse starts with "Fear God" then it says "Honor the king." Think about God first, then think about the government. Do we spend more time thinking about the banks and the stock market and the economy and all that stuff than we do about God and Who He is? Maybe not. But I do know that the economy and the state of our country is spoken of more.

But to what extent should I be detatched? It seems wise to be at least somewhat informed of what's going on in the country. I mean, there's nothing wrong with knowing what's happening. And yet, I don't care. Apathy comes easy to me in this area. Heh.

Frigid Air

It's cold. Really cold. And when your bedroom has no vent to let in the warm air, and your windows don't work so well at keeping the cold out to begin with, there isn't much you can do about it, but not spend time in your room. Less time in your room = less time on your ancient desktop computer = less blogging. ;)

In other news, I still don't have a job and I'm not in school, so life has slowed down a bit. (another reason for no updates.) Yet I find I'm entirely happy, and actually not bored at all. If I run out of things to do, I can always write or read Romans. (Been doing a lot of both lately.) The breaks on my car went out shortly after the New Year, I think. My dad fixed it for now, and then his truck died. So it's kind of a good thing that I haven't found a job, else one of us wouldn't have a way to get there and it would be a hassle.

Have you ever wanted to know what it's like to be poor? Have you ever wanted to be in the circumstances of people like Moody, that you have to be completely dependent on God, because you have nothing else? I have. I've wanted to be the missionary wife who has no money, and four kids and a husband to feed. The person who prays all day every day, because unless God provides, there is no food. Unless God gives money, there are no shoes for the kids, or clothes for that little boy who's just growing too fast. It's a terrifying thought if you think about it humanly. Terrifying and idiotic to actually want that. And yet, in another way. . . it's really cool. Because you get to see God's hand even clearer, every day. :) And you get to see just how many of the things we think of as necessities are really luxuries when it comes down to it. Just how much can we do without?

It's an exciting thought. :)

I would just like to point out that it was requested that I blog and I have done so in a timely fashion. lol Unlike some people. . .

Christmas

I know it's been past Christmas for a bit now, but I was reading someone's blog and a question came to my attention. What is Christmas? Is it a day? Is it a time of year? We, as Christians, know what's it's "really about", but what IS it? Christmas is obviously a time to remember the incarnation of the Lord, but honestly, is there a time when you're in church, hearing a good sermon that you're not aware of that event? Is there a day when you don't think about your salvation and know it's because Christ was born, lived, and died for you? So what is Christmas?

To me, Christmas is amazing. Christmas is. . . so incredibly wonderful. It wasn't always, but lately, it has been. Christmas is Christmas because of family. And Christmas is Christmas because most of my mom's side of the family comes home. Home to Michigan. Home to a little house in the middle of a snow-covered corn field across the driveway from the house where my great-grandparents lived.

It's a little morbid but my grandma brought up the buying of grave plots in the cemetery where my great grandparents and my grandpa and my uncle are buried. Along with probably a bunch of other relatives that I'm not even aware of. It's home in life - it's home in death, in a way. I want to be buried there. I don't know if I will. I may very well give that up one day, but that little farm in Michigan will always be home on the earth. Because that's where family is.

And it wouldn't be Christmas without a theological discussion. =D How I love our theological discussions! Whether or not you say a word, to sit and listen to greater minds debate the minute details of faith and the Bible and to see how they draw their way of thinking from a Biblical basis. Whether it's a debate, or just building on other people's thoughts. Whether it's a heated argument where people have to raise their voices to shouting in order to be heard, or a quiet conversation between two people about the practical application of Scriptural principles in their life during some hardship. It doesn't matter. I love my family because we can all gather together and talk about our God in a way I've never experienced anywhere else, nor do I know of anyone outside of our family who has anything similarly wonderful. It is awing and beyond description of beauty and blessing. And I know that there are others in my family who feel the same way. =) So it's not just me being whacked. =D

Poetry

I started thinking in poetry lines this morning during church, as it happens occasionally. The subjects of my poems are often spiritual, so it seems to fit. Usually it's just a few lines or so, but this time I just kept going. My mind was in the right groove, I guess. Anyway, I started working on it tonight again, and I ended up with a page of poetry and I felt like posting it. So, here it is. I think I may end up adding more to it at some point. It seems. . . . unfinished. Too vague.

Chief of Sinners

The chief of sinners! that is me
The chief of sinners, now I see.
My heart is black, so dark with sin
My eyes are blind - can't see within
My ears so dull drown all else out
No more my conscience, seared, does shout
Twas all shoved back out of my way
For self I lived from day to day
Without a care but for my life
No thoughts to spare for others' strife
More terrible still, I see it clear,
No words of God would I dare hear
I shunned the thought and banned all talk
Of Christ and God and righteous walk
And then one day, I heard to me
Something none other could foresee
Only God in His matchless grace
Would think to save me from the race
To death - the road I'd tread before
Now by His love, I tread no more.
When He called, I could but obey
I knew He was the only way
His voice so quiet, strong and firm
My heart did change! Now I do yearn
To find Him - He Who ope'd my eyes
To have Him, love Him - greatest prize.
And now as His beloved child,
I find within Him nothing mild.
His pow'r and glory have no end
And at His side I'll stand a friend.
A friend of God! How can it be?
What glory is this gift to me?
To think that one day I shall see
My God - with Him to ever be.

Christmas

It is the 25th of December, 2008. It's Christmas Day. And yet, not Christmas for my family. We're weird like that. lol ;) Ours isn't for two days yet. Sometimes it comes early for us, but sometimes it comes later. This year was a later year.

I'm on "Christmas Break" but not really, since I'm not going back to school next semester. It's kind of sad. I'm going to miss people. A lot. I already do. But oh well. Plans are all good and nice, but when it comes down to doing them, something usually seems to get in the way. Like laziness. Or, lack of motivation. (Is that another way of saying lazy? /shrug) I want time off. I'm getting it, but I have this feeling I'm going to want more than I should and that's going to be bad, because I have no money and I'm not making any right now. I should get on that. Eventually.

I wished like 40 people Merry Christmas on Facebook after midnight last night. Hehe. It was fun. Got a little long, but it was still fun. It was kind of interesting how with most people, who I don't really know that well, I was all "Merry Christmas!!!" Lots of exclamation points and stuff, which is not how I am with people I trust or know very well. Hehe. And then with people I do, my tone (even in type you can tell) automatically changed. I found it interesting, but I'm probably boring anyone who might read this. Oh well.

Anyway, I shall be off. Merry Christmas. :) And in case I don't get around to posting again anytime soon, Happy New Year. :)