Dum, de dum-dum, dum.

Well, it sure has been a while. Over a month now since I've been home and June starts in an hour. (Okay, 47 minutes. Er, 46.) Back home and back to work within a week. That's kind of quick, but it's good. Don't know what I'd do if I didn't have to get up and go to work. Probably waste a lot of time watching movies or . . . reading comic books. I do miss college a little. I miss. . . the people, sitting in class. The "dining commons." I don't miss having to walk through the snow and wind up to the campus, or having to go up three flights of stairs just to play a piano (if one is open). I don't miss the homework or the papers or the stress of getting good grades. I don't miss all the girls or my roommates even. I definitely don't miss my dorm sup or my teachers.

I think I miss the motivation the most. The reason to do well. The opportunity to work hard and make people happy with the results. I don't do that enough at home. I have been trying. Trying to be more helpful with little things around the house. But I lock myself away in my room too often I think. It's hard when you've been at work all day to come home and have the desire to do anything that you're not asked to do. To do something that will get done whether or not I'm the one to do it. Something that doesn't need to be done right now. It's easier to sit at my computer or the TV and not think, to just relax for a little while. But what good does that do? Do people really need to relax? Shouldn't helping BE relaxing? If I'm relaxed when I sleep, and I get at least seven hours of sleep, do I really need to spend time during the day not doing anything? Hmm. It's hard, nonetheless, to do things you're not asked to do when you come home.

It's also hard to get up at 5am. I'm going to get some good practice in next week though. And a dentist's appointment on Tuesday assures that I won't really have a shorter day at all. In fact, it'll probably be slightly longer. . . At least I won't have to be standing at the dentist's. Maybe I'll actually fall asleep this time. But I doubt it.

I still haven't gotten the invitation to Telah's candle party. I think it's this Friday. I'm hoping I can come up with something else that I'm going to do instead. . . I really would rather not go. And then I wonder if I should go just because. I know I'm not going to spend any money (unless it were as a gift). I don't need candles; I don't want any more candles; I don't ever use candles. Candles produce smoke, and I don't like smoke. But anyway. I have enough as it is. There are better and easier ways to make a room smell nice than producing smoke. But that still doesn't answer the question of whether or not I should go. Ooo! I could gas prices as an excuse! . . . . That's actually a pretty good reason too. Heh. Over 4 dollars now. . . . When I started driving gas was just over 2 dollars I think. That was what, three years ago now? Three years = a 2 dollar raise. That's kind of nasty.

Well, I should probably be off to bed, off to bed. "Oh, I couldn't possibly go to bed now-" *ehem* Yes, when the movie lines start freely flowing, 'tis time for me to be goin'. (And here comes the ryhmes. . . ) So I bid thee adieu and goodnight. Till we meet again. And a happy first day of June to ye (in 31 minutes).

Again!?!?

28th now and it snowed again. Just thought I'd share that fact.

The wedding was last Saturday. Dave and Kaylynn are married and off somewhere on their honeymoon. I haven't heard anything from them or from anyone else about them. Someone asked me if they're doing alright or where they are. How should I know? I'll probably be the last one to hear if they're still alive even.

The whole wedding affair went pretty well though, in my opinion. I rather enjoyed it. And I almost cried a few times. Poor Mom. . . I don't think she stopped crying. And then people were like, "You're supposed to be happy!" Wha??? She was happy. She was also having to let go. Leave her alone, people. Like you didn't have mixed emotions when your kids got married. As if anyone expected you NOT to cry. Sheesh. . . .

White glove is tonight. . . I really, really, really hope that we cleaned well enough and don't have to pay any fines or anything. . . I'm afraid the floor wasn't clean enough. . . Guess we'll find out. I'm hungry. It's only a quarter after four. . . Although I did eat lunch at eleven something. That's probably why.

Tomorrow is going to be interesting. I just have to work for about six hours on a computer/music project. Yeah, that's all. I was going to work on some of it tonight, but there's a bunch of stuff going on. An icecream party thing and then my dorm is having a bonfire. Weather-permitting. Or rather Lord-willing. Personally, having the thing in the basement if the weather isn't nice sounds better than sitting outside (It's cold!!). But we'll see. I don't really care. If it's not mandatory (I think it is. . .), I probably wouldn't do it at all. Heh heh. (Not the icecream thing - I want to do that for sure. =D)

. . . I'm really hungry. . . . I thought there was something else I was going to write about. . . Oh, my test this morning was pretty easy. Actually, so far, none of them have really been too bad. And I just have two left. Whoo! T. Woot.

Oo! Dr. Phelps preached in chapel today! =D It was a happy day. All last week we had special chapels, presenting awards and all sorts of random things. But today we went back to the preaching. =D YAY!!!! It was good. I like him a lot. . . . Reminds me of Pastor. I think they'd get along pretty well. And Uncle Pete too. =D

This is most likely the last time I will post during this semester. I should be leaving around 1:30pm Wednesday the 30th. Two days. I think it's about time to start counting down the hours. In about 45 hours I will be leaving. In about 51-52, I'll be home. =D

Snow in April

It's snowing here. April 12th. Snowing. I didn't realize it was cold enough for that, but I guess so. It's been coming down for a while now. It's kind of funny. I don't mind it, but probably a lot of people are somewhat unhappy. What bothers me is the wind. It blows my hair and my skirt and just isn't very friendly.

I've been kind of wasting my Saturday thus far. Which isn't good, especially considering I'd like to get to Walmart later and I need to have stuff done before I can go. I need to record my hymns and finish my notation project for the week. And practice for another few hours. And Whoa. . . I think it stopped snowing. . . Anyway. What else do I need to do? . . . . . Hmmmm. Oh, my NT journal. And. . . . My Keyboard Skills stuff. . . Bleh. That's what's really getting me down. That stupid Keyboard Skills, which doesn't even count anymore for anything. It's Personal Enrichment that doesn't count toward my major. What's it matter anyway though if I don't plan on getting a degree? It matters because I have to do my best. I'm one of THOSE people. . . And yet the other kind of people drive me crazy because I can't understand them, so honestly, I don't know what I'm even talking about anymore. Maybe I should just go.

To do what though? Play the piano for another three hours like I did yesterday? Try to figure out the bass root melodies again, so I can memorize them? I need to print up my Hymnplaying test too. . . Why can't they just test our playing skills? I'm not in music. I haven't taken Aural Skills. How am I supposed to suddenly be able to just do this? They never really taught us how. Just assumed that we could. It's annoying. . . . Not everyone can do all the same stuff.

Anyway. It's been like an hour now, and I still haven't gotten anything done. I have learned about the Free Tibet Movement and how rotten the Chinese government is. They banned YouTube from the entire country because of a few videos that were uploaded showing something that reflected poorly on the government. Because banning YouTube for that reason Doesn't reflect poorly on the government. The whole banning thing reminded me of school though. Don't let people make up their own minds. You have to do it for them. Don't let people think, they might realize they're smarter than you are.

But enough of that ranting. I should do something worth while I suppose. It's snowing again.

April 7th, 2008

Today is my birthday. I'm nineteen years old. . . . I don't know what age I feel like. Maybe nineteen. Seems like yesterday that I was turning seventeen though. Not sure what happened to that 18th year. Same thing happened with 15. I was 14 and then I was 16. Wha? Oh well. Enough about that.

Thank you for texting, Mike.
Thank you for calling, Mom.
Thank you for calling, Dave.
Thank you for commenting on my paper, Dad. (Just saw that today.)

Today has been mostly uneventful, though oddly, I've been freezing most of the day and that's very unlike me. I think it's because my hair is up. . . . I have to have a paper written by Wednesday. It's only three pages though, so it shouldn't be difficult. It's on capital punishment, which we're generally not supposed to use, but because it's a civic discourse paper, we're allowed to. Ha. :)

I also have a presentation to do tomorrow. . . . I don't think it's going to be so bad, because there are only four of us in class, and the teacher is very laid back. Hopefully, my handout is good enough though. I wasn't sure how detailed to make it, so. . . . Oh well. Maybe I should email Miss Tschida about that. . . . Maybe I will. Probably wouldn't hurt. I ment to ask her about that today and completely forgot.

Something good that happened! I asked her about how I was supposed to memorize all these songs for the final and she explained a good way to do it, so whoohoo! :) It shouldn't be too hard. :) Just have to actually do it. If I start now though, I should have them all pretty well down by the time the final rolls around. It's only like. . . . two and a half weeks away. . . . That's a scary thought. . . . But three weeks from now. . . . Wait, I'll still be here. . . Three weeks from now, I'll be packing. :D I really hope I don't have to stay till Wednesday like the schedule says. . . . I want to be done on Monday. Phoo.

I am so cold. . . . Seriously. . . I'm only this cold when I'm sick or something. . . .

Steph's recital is tomorrow. It's exciting. :) I'm going to a play a week from Thursday. That's exciting too. With my roommate, but oh well. Wasn't like a guy was going to ask me. Hehe. They're all chicken. ;) Anyway. I hadn't written anything for a while, so now I have. All you guys need to update your blogs. Joe, Dave, Mike. Uncle Matt, at least, has a good excuse. I suppose Dave has somewhat of one, but not really. Maybe the week of the wedding, it'll count.

I've been wanting to play for a wedding for like ten years. . . . :D It's so cool. :)

College Life

This is a "paper" I wrote in a few afternoons after being at school for a while. Not sure why, but I felt like posting it. Criticisms or comments on writing and content is welcomed.

"Regardless of his religious beliefs, a young person must not be subjected to rules that are made up because of the ... beliefs of a teacher or for the convenience of a school administrator.”

I am a student attending at a Baptist Christian college. I agree with their views on most everything doctrinally, and am very thankful that Maranatha is in existence: for there are very few colleges who stand firm on the King James Version and hold to the Calvinistic view of salvation, just to name a few. However, their Pharisaical approach to the rules and guidelines is most disturbing.

The most interesting part about this though, is that the makers of these rules understand that they having no real backing. The Dean of Students, Mr. Richards, said multiple times during freshman orientation that they did not hold their rules to be morally right. They would not condemn us in our homes if we did not abide by their rules because the rules are without Biblical backing. The only reason they are in place is because the founders of the school put them there. These rules include the following:

Girls must wear nylons before 12:20 on class days.
Guys must wear ties before 12:20 on class days.
Females are not allowed to wear blue jeans, unless they are in their dorm.
Girls are not allowed to wear any type of slacks to class.

What is the point of these? Modesty? If modesty were the issue, all pants on girls would be banned from any activity. Girls would not be allowed to wear pants to a basketball game. Guys always would have to wear ties. But how are ties modest? How are nylons? How are blue jeans worse than black jeans? How are things that before 12:20 are wrong, suddenly become acceptable afterward?

I understand the desire for students to be dressed appropriately for class, the desire for them to look nice. However, wouldn't consistency say that either you require the students to dress up the same amount for all classes or you let them go without nylons or ties as they choose? Why are morning classes more important than afternoon classes? How do these rules make any sense at all?

Is it really necessary to require girls to wear skirts on days when the wind chill is more than 20 degrees below 0? Oh, you have a bus taking them from their dorms to the main campus? Well, that makes it better then. Say again? Students have actually gotten frostbite during the walk from the main campus to their dorms. How does this not scream lunacy? Mostly likely this hasn’t been changed because the students come to school anyway. We agree to abide by these “standards” and are then bound by our word, much to the displeasure of our reasoning faculties.

These rules are not only logically unsound, they are also spiritually blind. This college is supposedly based on the Bible, supposedly run by Christian teachers and staff who wish only the betterment of the spiritual welfare of their students. And though I have personally witnessed an amazing amount of kindness and an eagerness to help from this blessed group of people, they are still holding to these rules which were created much for the same reason the Pharisees created their traditions. They are created to safeguard the keeping of the law.

Eve told the serpent that she and Adam were not even to touch the fruit when God had commanded no such thing. Had Eve only touched the fruit, she would not have died. She created a rule to safeguard the law of God. This should not happen. This does not need to be. God’s law is sufficient, and pure, and holy. By creating excess rules, we are, in effect, declaring His standards to be ineffective. We are mocking the work of the Spirit of God in the hearts of His people.

Should there be standards? Most assuredly, yes! But wouldn’t it be wise to have Biblical backing for such standards? Wouldn’t it be wise not to contradict such standards within your own rules? For a young Christian who does not understand, these rules will be all the more confusing! Why am I allowed to do some things at certain times but not at others? Why is alright for me to ride with a boy to church (as long as there is an odd number of us) without needing special permission but not to Wal-Mart?

Do you see where someone might be confused? Do you see where these rules make no sense? Do you see how there are so many flaws in them? These rules are not hard to get around. No kissing? How many couples do you think have kissed and never been caught? How many have not filled out passes when they were supposed to and were never found out?

These rules do not greatly hinder those who are going to break them anyway. They only succeed in making life more difficult for those who will abide by them in the first place, those who have their own standards for life and their own boundaries.

As the quote at the beginning of this paper states, students should not be under rules that are devised for the sole purpose of the convenience of those running the school. The administrators should not make rules that makes things easier on them if such standards are to the detriment of the rest of the campus body, whether student or teacher. Rather than seeing the hurt of one student, dorm supervisors are only seeing the student whose shoes are too casual for class at that particular hour. Rather than helping the one who is struggling spiritually, they are making sure that all the girls are wearing nylons and the men have ties. These are the outward things that the Pharisees were so careful of. This is the washing of hands before meals and not gathering corn on the Sabbath.

This Pharisaical element of many of the rules in place here at Maranatha, is only harming those who already have their foundation in the Bible, who are already more than willing to listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and it is misleading those who do not know better. How easy it is to be like the Galatians and go back to keeping the law! Rather than enable us, should not college be the place where we learn to develop our own standards which we will carry throughout life? Should not the school and teachers be available for advice and Godly counsel, rather than the recitation of the school rules?

College is to be the place where a young adult comes into their own. It is a separation from home and from the rules and confines of it. It should be a breath of the fresh air of freedom and as such should be a time to search the Scripture to see where your personal convictions are. It should not be yet another place where the rules are laid out for you and in strict adherence you remain unprepared for life in the real world, life in an ungodly world; a life where there are no human rules other than those you impose on yourself.

God will not hold the college accountable for me. He will have my parents give account. He will have my pastor give account, but this college has no Scriptural rule over me. This college is not watching for my soul. And as such, this college should in no way assume to have authority over me and other adults who are attending when it comes to matters of spiritual discernment. If you truly believe a student is violating the law of God, then follow the guidelines in the Bible and talk to them about it. If they continue, take it before one or two witnesses and then before the church bring the situation to light, and as God has prescribed in His Word, let that be the system.

School

It's extremely hard to get back into the routine of school after being out of it for a week. A blessed week of relaxation. Yet I find my brain doesn't want to turn back on, it doesn't want to finish up. It's exhausting fighting with yourself for every inch, every sentence, every chord and every minute of practice. Somehow in the fight, I got an 11/10 on a quiz today. Hurray for small victories. Hurray for short-term goals. My goal is Saturday. By that time, I will hopefully have my research paper completed and my two of my other projects done. It's a lot of work when you don't want to do anything. It's a lot anyway. If I can do it, next week will be so much nicer.

I've been tired since Sunday morning. I've been sleeping well. I'm not sick. But I've been tired since Sunday morning. I've been exercising. Eating healthier. I feel so exhausted. All day. My eye was twitching today. It's done that sporadically since a while ago when I got extremely stressed. It twitched for two or three days.

I've been trying to be friendlier, to not sit alone. To not wear black all the time. Black is a good color though. :P But still. I wore white and blue today. I smiled and said "hi" to random people that I passed. There was a guy one day who was like, "HI!" randomly. We'd met once or twice, not really said anything to each other. I giggled and said, "hi" back. It was nice. I like people like that. Sonny Snyder was like that. Mike V. is like that. . . Nice people.

I thought the library closed at nine. But it's nine now and no one has told us to leave. Maybe it closes at half past.

My back hurts. I was stretching and I think I did something bad to it. . . . Woot.

I need to go read some Psalms. . . I've been trying to memorize 61. I think I had half of it. It's only eight verses. Should work on it tonight. And study a little for my quiz tomorrow. Didn't do as well on the last test as I wanted to. . . Hmm. I wonder if I can meet with the teacher to look it over tomorrow. I'm curious.

I miss people. I miss hugs. I miss laughing. For no reason about something that really wasn't that funny. I miss home.

Life is.

It is Sunday, the second of March. February has come and gone. Do you realize what this means? Five days till Spring Break. :D FIVE! That's it. Just five and then I will be home! One more week of classes, but wait! Tuesday classes are cancelled! Not that Tuesday is usually rough, but every little bit helps. :) Four more class days. Four. Aaaah. . . . Tis a kindly thought.

Being March also means Spring and with the weather we've had the past few days, it sure feels like it. It's warm out. I almost wrote "balmy", but then this dialogue of what "balmy" means went through my head. . . . I have you to blame for that, Mike. :P (Also that in two days I reread everything that I have that you've written. =D) But I've digressed.

Six hours yesterday of working on wedding invitations. . . I'm not going to do that for mine. . . . It was nice spending time with Dave and Kaylynn though. Karlene is kind of easy to mock sometimes. . . I never know if I should or not. I feel kind of bad if I do, 'cause I don't know how sensitive she is, but I feel bad if I don't because getting mocked is part of being accpeted in a group. At least in our family. Hah. :)

I miss the Mikes. . . . I miss everybody, but I miss Mike. Either one and both.

I should be working on my research paper, but I'm not. . . I'm writing a blog, because technically, I'm ahead. Even though, I'm going to be behind come Monday afternoon. Confusing, eh? Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to be able to write six pages on something I really couldn't care less about. . . . But we shall see.

Oh, yes, I was talking about weddings. So, I'm pretty sure my colors are going to be black, white and dark green. Or many shades of green, perhaps. We'll see. I like green. I considered blue, but I don't like green and blue, and I've had blue for too long. I'm babbling. My apologies.

I love the Library on Sunday afternoons. It's dead. :) I sat alone in SS this morning, semi-alone in church and alone for lunch. It really didn't bother me at all today. :) In fact, it was better than sitting with a bunch of girls. . . Lots better. . . Hehe.

I've started saying "out" and "about" and that kind of "ou" sound like Canadians. Comes from hanging out with Krystle. Hehe. She's cool. Her sister is here for a week. Oh, that reminds me of Nate. Nate is an army guy. Pretty nice, kinda funny, big flirt. It was announced on, I believe Thursday, that his dad was in critical condition in the hospital. I don't know him that well, but I was crying anyway. And all Thursday and Friday, I prayed for him and his family. We still haven't heard anything more about it. Krystle and he are really good friends and last I talked to her, she didn't know anything either. Anyway.

There's this guy that I saw for the first time last Sunday, and I could swear I know him from somewhere and I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Since then, I've seen him in chapel and church and the "Dining Commons." He kinda looks like Dracula without the vampirical teeth. His hair is dark and cut that way and he's pretty pale. . . Anyway. It's bothersome. I probably don't know him. He just looks really familiar. . . .

Five days. :)

Congratulations to Isaac and Tera! :) Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Friday

It's Friday. Whoohoo! Weekend. . . Wait, that means homework. . . . Two weeks till Spring Break!!! Now that's good news. :D I've been counting down since the last week of January and now it's the third week of February. Interestingly, it's actually gone by at a pretty good pace. It's just stressful. Maybe stress makes time go faster. . . Either way. Two weeks till Spring Break. I'm so excited. :D I get to go home. . . . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . . .

Thank Yous:
Mike, for randomly calling me on Wednesday and cheering me up.
Dave, for coming to church and just being around.
Steph, for inviting me to hang out with you last night. Even if it was short.
Mom, for being so consistent in writing and letting me know what's going on. All the little things happening at home.
Dad, for the little encouraging notes you send and for helping me keep track of my finances.
Katie, Mom seems pretty happy, so good job. :)

I miss people at home. . . Church people. Family.

Well, it's been a mostly boring week. My piano lesson got cancelled yesterday so I only had one class. It was a short day. :)

Realization

Yes, I came to a realization. I don't like "head-learnin'." I like action learning. If it's practical. If it isn't, I'd better be able to memorize it. Thus, my dislike of school. It's a bunch of stuff I won't use and stuff I can't memorize. Makes things difficult. (Why I love my NT class; I can memorize everything.)

First and second hour classes are cancelled tomorrow because we're supposed to get an enormous blizzard. It started earlier this evening, but I haven't checked it's progress for a while. That means I only have to go to one class tomorrow. Bwahahahahahaha! =D

Debussey - a 20th century compser. I hate his work. Despise it. Loathe it. Utterly detest it. You can imagine how thrilled I am I left my only Debussey book at home. :) I thought ahead. I considered carefully, "If I bring this, I will probably have to show it to my teacher. Teachers like to make students try new things because it's "good for them." I'm going to just leave it here." And so I did. :) Aren't you proud of me for thinking ahead?

I went to the dress rehearsal of a pianist today (it's like a practice recital before the recital) and she had to play a Debussey song. It was complicated, difficult, memorized, fast, long, and no doubt very trying. I appreciate her talent and how well she played it. But they should have found something that actually sounded nice for her to work on. . . Because what is the good of all those things, if it sounds like a mess? Even worse, it purposefully sounds like a mess. . . Yes, I hate Debussey. Should I ever give lessons, I don't think I could ever require anyone to ever play his compositions. Perhaps, I shouldn't be a teacher. Hehe.

I miss being home. I dream I'm home. Playing cards or video games with the guys. Just being in the house. And then I wake up, and it's all dark, and for about three seconds I think I'm in my own room. And then I turn my head and realize I'm not. . . Generally, I like dreaming, but it's sure been making my days harder lately.

Jessica texts me every now and then. :) It's really nice of her.

I have to go get my laundry. I actually am running out of money. What do you know. lol Guess that's what happens when you go to Wal-mart every week. . . Or more. Ha. I need to put gas in my car. . . . And I owe Dave a couple dollars. Hmmm. . . I really want to go home this weekend. . . It would be soooooooooooooooooooo incredibly nice. . . . SO nice. . . Ho hum.

Christmas Comes This Time Each Year

Work is done. =D Woot, woot! How happy I am. How excited I was. How content at the moment to just relax for the next week. Twill be glorious, let me tell ya, to not have to do anything tomorrow. Whether or not I should. Whether or not I do. I don't HAVE to. :D Wonderful feeling. I'm really, really happy to be done with work. Although, I kind of miss some of the people. . . Telah, Telah. And Katie. She's cool. Tom.

With the ending of work, soon comes the ending of a chapter of my life. And the beginning of a new one. Soon, all too soon, I shall be off to college. Off on an adventure more than somewhat anxious, yet also tinged with excitement and the thrill of a new place with hundreds of new people. The thing I am actually most looking forward to is learning. I feel as if I have not learned anything new in. . . . a very long time. And I long for some challenge. Something that will require effort and thought. And hopefully, something I can become proficient at.

Christmas is right around the corner, yet I feel as if I've already received the best present (look at the above two chapters). Things come and go and are replaced and made better. But events happen once. And the memories you make during them are so. . . comforting. So sweet. Even the events that, at the time, are unpleasent. The dislike for them soon fades into a fond remembrance of what once was. So though I have things on my "wish list" and things I'm hoping to get for college, Christmas for me has already come. It came with the snow and was over when I ended my job. And for my remaining time at home, I take my rest.

College will be exciting, nerve-wracking, frightening, amazing, fun, educational, and new, and of all those things it's the "new" part that bothers me most. I have a direct corollation in my mind between "old" and "wonderful". The past was better. The near future is uncertain, though the far future is best. The present simply is. Thus, anything that is soon to come, I fear. Not in a terrified way, but a more cautious way. No worries, though. Soon it will become the present and then all will be simple again.

I need to do some present wrapping. . . And I also need to go shopping tomorrow. . . . Or Tuesday. I could wait till Tuesday. I could actually wait till Wednesday, but. . . . That's kind of cutting it close. I'll probably have to spend it cleaning my room, because I still haven't done that. Normally, I can just do it and get it over with. It's really cold in here lately though, and cold just doesn't encourage thoughts of cleaning. It encourages thoughts of eating chocolate or going downstairs where it's warm or playing video games. But not cleaning or writing or reading or crocheting. Those things all require yours fingers and/or feet being exposed to for long periods of time to the cold air.

Merry Christmas to all and to all, "Happy Travels" as you come home to Michigan for the holidays.

Much love,
Jenn